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One of the monstrous joys in life is spreading paranoia to those you love and hate because misery loves company, so start a campaign to heighten awareness about the small terrors in life that plague your imagination and dreams. April Fool's Day is the perfect day to do just this because people might believe you're pulling their leg until they double check your facts, and fact is always more terrifying than fiction especially when you start pulling images and stories from Google.
Does your butt ever itch?
Does your butt ever itch?
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You must select one topic to discuss either pointedly or casually. This topic must involve something that could happen to anyone (e.g., wrong place, wrong time) and isn't too outlandish (e.g., aliens) or insensitive (e.g., cancer). You need something that horrifies, can be corrected, but still somewhat innocuous.
My recommendation is pinworms. Many infected people are asymptomatic, and for symptomatic individuals, the most common (and often the only) symptom is an itchy butt. Pinworms are very infectious because the eggs can be breathed in, and roughly 10% of children have pinworms at any time in the US. It is the most common parasite in the US, and it's probably due to just how infectious they are. It is common for an entire family to be treated if there is one individual with the parasite, and multiple treatments are often necessary due to a 70% chance of reinfection. Eggs are viable for up to 20 days. Males mature in 5 weeks, and females mature in 7 weeks. At 12 weeks, females move to the anus during the night at a speed of 12-13 cm per hour, lay their eggs, and die. Common treatments involve pesticides which essentially starve or paralyze the worms, and these treatments are available over the counter or by prescription. The worms themselves are white, thin, and approximately the size of a staple. The eggs are not visible to the human eye and harden within 6 hours of being laid. They can be transmitted under fingernails, clothing, bedsheets, etc. The worms rarely cause any real damage, and there's only been 1 recorded case of a chimpanzee dying due to complications from an extreme infestation. Testing for pinworms involves applying tape to the anus just before sleep or immediately after waking to collect any eggs (and occasionally worms) laid during the night which can then been seen under a microscope.
My recommendation is pinworms. Many infected people are asymptomatic, and for symptomatic individuals, the most common (and often the only) symptom is an itchy butt. Pinworms are very infectious because the eggs can be breathed in, and roughly 10% of children have pinworms at any time in the US. It is the most common parasite in the US, and it's probably due to just how infectious they are. It is common for an entire family to be treated if there is one individual with the parasite, and multiple treatments are often necessary due to a 70% chance of reinfection. Eggs are viable for up to 20 days. Males mature in 5 weeks, and females mature in 7 weeks. At 12 weeks, females move to the anus during the night at a speed of 12-13 cm per hour, lay their eggs, and die. Common treatments involve pesticides which essentially starve or paralyze the worms, and these treatments are available over the counter or by prescription. The worms themselves are white, thin, and approximately the size of a staple. The eggs are not visible to the human eye and harden within 6 hours of being laid. They can be transmitted under fingernails, clothing, bedsheets, etc. The worms rarely cause any real damage, and there's only been 1 recorded case of a chimpanzee dying due to complications from an extreme infestation. Testing for pinworms involves applying tape to the anus just before sleep or immediately after waking to collect any eggs (and occasionally worms) laid during the night which can then been seen under a microscope.
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Or you could just watch Fox News for about an hour.
I felt so at ease with Bush.
Really, my wife won't mind.
This is a pretty hilarious prank though. I think I'd be able to dead-pan something like this fairly well.
We recently had the school nurse give an assembly about head lice, and how to avoid them.
We staff had a jolly old time watching the spread of itchy-head syndrome through the hall...