Introduction: Super Simple Holiday Helper

If you're at all like me, you often find yourself in need of a calming influence during the holidays. Maybe you got pepper sprayed while shopping on Black Friday. Perhaps your cousin just said that she misses your old boyfriend. In front of your new one. Or, it could be, that you simply don't deal well with all the stress and high energy situations that the holidays bring (not to mention all that damned cheerfulness). Well Dear Readers, I've got just the thing for you:

Sunkicked's Patented Super Simple Holiday Helper!

Sure, the purists will tell you this is just a simple Grand Marnier sour, but don't let them harsh your future buzz my friends! This is the Holiday Helper you've been looking for, no matter what some Liquor Luddites want to call it!.

Step 1: Drinking on the Fly

To do this properly you'd need a glass juicer, a jigger whatsit, a shaker, and a cocktail glass. However, time is of the essence; Uncle Jackie is about to show your girlfriend that thing he can do with his big toe. We're going to do this on the fly, with no special equipment, and no pressure to be exact.

Needs:
  1. 1 1/2 ounces of Grand Marnier (or, really, any orange flavored hooch you can get your hands on, this is just the good stuff)
  2. 1 ounce lemon juice (which just so happens to be the amount you can squeeze out of half a medium sized lemon)
  3. Some form of a measuring device. I have an adjustable measuring cup that does just about every measuring format you can think of in the kitchen. I highly recommend it. The point is you want 1 part lemon juice to 1 1/2 parts booze.
  4. Cutting board. No sense in destroying Great Aunt Muriel's counter just because her dog peed on your pant leg.
  5. Knife.

Optional:
  1. 1 ounce of club soda
  2. 1/2 ounce of orange juice (freshly squeezed, if you please)

Honestly, I prefer this drink with the club soda, but I'd skip the orange juice unless it's just too sour for you (though the soda should take care of that). Still, it's your holiday, drink how you want to drink.

Step 2: Over-preparation Is the Foe of Inspiration

No need to get crazy in preparing to make this drink, the only thing you'll really need to do is press and roll your lemon so you can get the most juice out of it as possible. Do this two or three times and you'll break up the pulp inside enough to give up plenty of juice. Of course, you might be one of those sad individuals who would be inclined to use the "real" stuff that comes in the lemon shaped plastic bottle. If that's the case, you don't need this step.

Step 3: Measure, Pour, Repeat

Once you've gotten your lemon nice and juicy and have (carefully) cut it in half it's time to get this party started right! 

Squeeze as much juice as you can out of half of your lemon (you'll need the other half in a few minutes, after your parents start questioning you and your new wife about why there is no news about babies). If you are using a medium sized lemon you should get almost exactly 1 ounce, give or take a few milliliters. Once you've got that going dump it into a glass with some ice. A good glassware choice is a short highball style glass that will serve you well as the vessel you drink from, should you choose to drink it rocky. 

Next, measure out your orange flavored boozy goodness (highly recommend Grand Marnier). Dump it in the same glass.

Stir vigorously.

As mentioned above, you can just start drinking right now if things have gotten so bad that your sister is threatening to never come home again. She's such a Drama Queen! Who knew her hair was supposed to look like that?

Step 4: DRINK IT!

Despite what I suggested earlier, I prefer to drink it out of this style glass. Seems more festive. Or some such business. Look, I just like the glass okay? The most important thing is that you drink. Quickly. Then get ready to make another.

Now, if you can't handle drinks that are especially sour, there are a couple of things you can do that will improve upon this already stellar drink.
  1. Add 1 ounce of club soda. It should dilute the drink enough that even the most sour-phobic palates can handle it, but if that doesn't work you could always...
  2. Add 1 ounce of orange juice. This should really enhance the orange flavor while counteracting some of the sourness. 
I suppose, if you were so inclined, you could add both an ounce of club soda and€‹ an ounce of OJ. Seriously guys, this is your drink and your holiday nightmare. Make it work for you. Just remember, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. Also, don't talk about politics or religion. Or sports. You know what? Just compliment your mom's new drapes and shut up for the rest of the evening.

Happy Holidays!

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