Instructables
Portal Cake Recipe
Contrary to popular opinion, the cake is not a lie. At least, not this one.

Because I lived in a dorm section affectionately referred to as "the gamers' suite", I inevitably hear of every new major game release, and bear witness to the excitement that follows shortly after completion of said games.

This time was no exception, with the release of The Orange Box from Valve, or specifically, the game Portal. After hearing the "Still Alive" endgame track more times than I care to recall, and having everyone go into hysterical fits of giggling at the mention of the word cake...

I finally gave in to the inanity (and no, that's not a typo).

My suitemates were ecstatic and gleefully obliged me, providing several in-game reference photos of aforementioned cake. This image is probably the best one, alongside someone else's early attempt to re-create the cake from the recipe mentioned in the game itself (I have no idea where it can be found, as I've never played Portal before). However, since some elements in the recipe seem less than savory (I mean, fish shaped ethyl benzene?) I decided to do my own thing; start from the reference and build up from there.

It's an experiment in the truest sense, really. I haven't done this before, so what you'll see is what I'll get as I tinker around.

That being said, feel free to join me as I attempt to bring this unusual culinary project to completion.

NOTE: The Weighted Companion Cube is NOT my creation, but the papercraft artist and the build plans for him can be found here: Companion Cube Papercraft
 
 
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We do what we must, because we can.(You are wrong)
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.

(Sorry, I always thought thats what it said)
But there's no sense crying over every mistake
you just keep on trying 'till you run out of cake
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun
For the people that are still alive
I'm not even angry. I'm being so sincere right now. Even though you broke my heart. And killed me (waits for someone to ruin this with another dumb question)
Fashim itzepiic4 years ago
And tore me to pieces.(Indeed.)
dombeef Fashim4 years ago
And threw every pieces into a fire(Yes)
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are still alive.
Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa
THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking
when there's Science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are still alive.
And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
STILL ALIVE (x2)
(i'm sorry the song died a well ago so i bumed it with the last part of the song)
Thats okay...

At least it wasn't ruined again
Fashim itzepiic3 years ago
Combo Breaker.,.
JHK3 years ago
this cake is probably the only one that doesn't loook lik someon vomitted on it
JHK3 years ago
SPOILER ALERT!!
actually the companion cube didn't die. at the end of portal 2 when GLaDOS lets you escape, a companion cube pops through and the companion cube has burned marks and is the same design of the companion cube from the first game (meaning no blue and yellow light on it) so the cube is still alive and GLaDOS gave it back to you.
knexwalrus3 years ago
it is missing the RUBARB!
hampst4 years ago
actually, you should place the flat side up when you put the cake layer down. this makes it easier for the layers to be stacked on top of it, especially with so many of the layers. if you place it flat side down, round side up, the other layers are at risk of sliding off.
Rockyboy534 years ago
Lol TI-84
Sonicx002224 years ago
Techniclly the cake is a vanilla crazy cake. Look at the achievement for completing all 6 advanced maps. Vanilla crazy cake. And look at the image. TEH SAME.
hampst4 years ago
what a brilliant recipe! this is the perfect thing to complete my halloween costume. i already have the jumpsuit, the gun, and companion cube.
An Villain4 years ago
I think I will include the sediment shaped sediment in my cake if you don't mind.
ZeroTrggr4 years ago
Thanks for the recipe I wanted to make this cake for my birthday ever since i first played Portal a year ago and now im going to make this cake for my birthday this year
spcon4 years ago
mmmmmm... delicious cake
Motts4 years ago
Don't forger garnishes such as:
fish-shaped crackers
fish-shaped candies
fish-shaped solid waste
pull-and-peel licorice
and chocolate-coated peanut butter pieces
shaped like fish
squawker Motts4 years ago
One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix. One can prepared coconut pecan frosting. Three slash four cup vegetable oil. Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. Three slash four cups butter or margarine. one and two third cups granulated sugar. Two cups all purpose flower Fish shaped crackers. Fish shaped candies. Fish shaped solid waste, Fish shaped dirt. Fish shaped ethyl benzene. Pull and peel licorice.. Fish shaped organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment. Candy coated peanut butter pieces, Shaped like fish. One cup lemon juice. Alpha resins. Unsaturated polyester resin. Fiberglass surface resins. And volatile malted milk impoundments. Nine large egg yolks. Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes. One cup granulated sugar. An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'. Two cups rhubarb, sliced. Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb. One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb. One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb. Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire. One large rhubarb. One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb. Two tablespoons rhubarb juice. Adjustable aluminum head positioner. Slaughter electric needle injector. cordless electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. Injector needle gun. Cranial caps. And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals. That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.
and sediment shaped sediment
squawker4 years ago
BLACK FOREST CAKE BLACK FOREST CAKE BLACK FOREST CAKE BLACK FOREST CAKE BLACK FOREST CAKE BLACK FOREST CAKE not chocolate or devils food or mud or anything else the cake is BLACK FOREST CAKE ok?
alphaglider4 years ago
THE CAKE IS A LIE THE CAKE IS A LIE THE CAKE IS A LIE THE CAKE IS A LIE oh wait it's not a lie. I wish i had the stuff to make this cake anyway nicejob
well technicly (sorry i cant spell) the cake only has 3 layers and its a black forest cake
 the Blue (logic) module (eye) of the computer gives the whole recipe as well.
KoreB4 years ago
The cake in the game looks like Black Forest Cake, which does call for specific components.  You definitely don't want to leave out the cherry brandy.  :)
From my years of making cakes (ive made quite a lot) that the cakes you make from a mix wont turn solid in the freezer, even after a few days, they still have a little give
however, that was just the cake itself, wrapped tightly in plastic wrap, without frosting or anything else

good instructable btw
king yoshi4 years ago
i made one...
putting chocolate on the side nearly killed me probably should have read your instruction's but my internet was off all day so i improvised i used four packets of those cake mix things and glazed cherries
PICT0055.JPG
jalakere4 years ago
this is my remake of the cake made in a completley different way but looks about the same... the red dots are M&M and i had no time to make the cream look better... its actually my birthday cake

Thank you for the inspiration

//Jalakere
cake.jpg
mrbox6 years ago
This cake is so delicous and moist! This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science We do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us. Except the ones who are dead. But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the Science gets done. And you make a neat gun. For the people who are still alive. I'm not even angry. I'm being so sincere right now. Even though you broke my heart. And killed me. And tore me to pieces. And threw every piece into a fire. As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you! Now these points of data make a beautiful line. And we're out of beta. We're releasing on time. So I'm GLaD. I got burned. Think of all the things we learned for the people who are still alive. Go ahead and leave me. I think I prefer to stay inside. Maybe you'll find someone else to help you. Maybe Black Mesa THAT WAS A JOKE. HAHA. FAT CHANCE. Anyway, this cake is great. It's so delicious and moist. Look at me still talking when there's Science to do. When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you. I've experiments to run. There is research to be done. On the people who are still alive. And believe me I am still alive. I'm doing Science and I'm still alive. I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive. While you're dying I'll be still alive. And when you're dead I will be still alive. STILL ALIVE... MMM CAKE!!
best song evah!
2nd best song evah is The Device Has Been Modified (also portal)
CoolJB6 years ago
I said the song Still Alive. Now, I wanna see a companion sphere fly by me.
Call it the Buddy Ball
See Buddy Ball = B.B
Companion Cube = C.C. (and the thing could never replace my dear cube)
halo994 years ago
This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Aperture Science:
We do what we must because we can.
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead.

(Chorus 1)
But there's no sense crying over every mistake
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun
For the people who are still alive.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you.

(Chorus 2)
Now these points of data make a beautiful line
And we're out of beta we're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD I got burned think of all the things we learned
For the people who are still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa -
THAT WAS A JOKE. HA HA, FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great:
It's so delicious and moist.

(Chorus 3)
Look at me still talking when there's science to do.
When I look out there it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run there is research to be done
On the people who are still alive

And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.

Still alive
Still alive
red-king5 years ago
if you listened to the ingredients that the cake core said you wouldn't want to eat the cake... lol "...fish shaped crackers, fish shaped candies, fish shaped fish, fish shaped sprinkles, fish shaped solid waste..."
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