And there you have it, the epitome of "form follows function". This thing will justify my continued contribution to the obesity statistics in America...
This is my first instructable, but I will attempt to demonstrate my version of a burger more commonly known as "bacon turtle burger". I have renamed it due to one primary concern. While telling people what I had made, the most common response was "where did you buy turtle meat?" ... not cool. Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not above eating turtles, snakes, or other exotic meats. However, I wanted this to be reproduced by anyone who had some spare time and a blatant disregard for their cholesterol levels. Therefore, I gave it a name that more effectively suits the intended purpose. I would say that 2000 calories of beef, bacon, cheese, and bun qualifies for this description.
Step 1: Conception
Since the maiden voyage for this burger was to be on Independence Day, preparation was paramount. Weaving bacon and cutting patterns into hot dogs would have negatively effected my drinking time, so a plan was hatched. I thought that if I could do all the slicing and spicing the night before, the actual assembly process would be brief. I was correct, and my scotch never knew I was gone. I was not sure if, or how, all the components would react if they were in direct contact overnight. With that in mind, I developed a three pronged approach to the birth of my new family tradition.