Introduction: The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch Cake

Who doesn't like the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch1 and what better form than in a cake?  But before we get baking let us say together a reading from the Book of Armaments:

Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

Right then, let's make a Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch Cake!

1 You know, from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Step 1: Supplies and Ingredients

You're going to need the following supplies:

Half Sheet Pan  (I used this one )

Ball Pan (I used this one )

Cross Candy Mold (I used this one )

Rolling Pin to rolll the fondant with

Enough cake batter for the above pans.  I used mixes and used four boxes of Duncan Hines Yellow Cake mix made according to the box except for using only tablespoon of oil per mix (it makes the cakes better suited for stacking).

Three batches of Rice Krispies Treats  (recipe here )

Two batches of Marshmallow Fondant (recipe here )  or an equal amount of store bought fondant.

Four Batches of your favorite buttercream recipe.  (I used this one )

Small amount of Royal Icing

Candy Melts & Yellow & Red Candy Coloring

Brown Paste Food Coloring

Red Paste Food Coloring

Gold Luster Dust

Sugar Pearls

Vodka

Small Paint Brush (that's never been used for painting)

Cake Board

You should be able to get everything you need between your local grocery and craft store.

Step 2: Covering the Cake Board

I used a 13 x 18 inch piece of plywood for my cake board.  Cover it with heavy duty foil first.  Now roll out some of that fondant into a large enough piece to cover the board.  I used about half a batch of marshmallow fondant.  I also got fancy and marbled some brown into it first, but as it turned out did not need to.  Trim the fondant to fit the board with a pizza cutter or other sharp instrument.

Step 3: Woodgraining the Board


This is waaay easier than it looks.  Thin some brown food coloring with vodka or as I did, with lemon extract (it's 85% alcohol).  We'll use the same technique on the sides of the box.

Step 4: Make Your Cakes

Make your sheet cake and ball cakes using your favorite recipe or use 4 boxed cake mixes like I did. The sheet cake used three and the ball cake used most of one (there was a little batter left over).  Let them cool completely, then wrap in plastic wrap and put them in the refrigerator until they're nice and firm.  I left them in overnight.

Step 5: Make the Box Pt. 1

We need a suitable presentation box for our Holy Hand Grenade, so here we go.  Level the sheet cake and then cut it in half.  Trim both halves to the size you want for your box bearing in mind that we're building a wall with the Rice Krispie treats around the cake and that will add to the overall dimensions.  Cover the bottom half with some of that buttercream frosting you've prepared, stack the other half on top and frost it as well. 

Step 6: Make the Box Pt. 2


Now it's time for some fun with Rice Krispies treats.  Cut up your treats and build a wall surrounding your cake.  (You'll see from the pictures that I jumped the gun and added the red fondant to the top of the cake already but it should be done later)  If I do this again, I would cut them into smaller bricks and stick them together with royal icing for added strength.  Build a Krispies wall all the way around the cake.

Step 7: Woodgrain the Box


Just like with the board we'll cover the Krispies with fondant, put a thin coat of buttercream on the Krispies to help the fondant stick.  Get out your brown food coloring and alcohol again and paint the fondant as you did with the board.  (This is why I should have waited on the red fondant, it got sprayed with some of the brown food coloring).

Step 8: Cover the Inside of the Box


Now is when you should roll out a piece of red fondant large enough to cover the inside of the box.  The Holy Hand Grenade needs a comfortable bed doesn't it?

Step 9: Prepare the Holy Hand Grenade

Take one half of your ball cake and level the bottom so that it will have a nice flat surface to rest on.  Place it on top of the cake and use it as a template to cut a hole in the red fondant.  Save that red fondant piece to use to cut a piece of cardboard from a cake round, we'll use the cardboard later as a base for the Holy Hand Grenade to rest.

Step 10: Cover the Holy Hand Grenade


Roll out a piece of gold colored fondant (tint with 10 drops of yellow to 1 drop of red) and cover the ball cake.  It may bunch up a little at the bottom, that's OK because we're going to cover that up later.  Now get out your alcohol again and some gold luster dust.  Mix a tiny bit of alcohol with some luster dust and paint your Holy Hand Grenade a lovely shade of gold.  You may have noticed that the Holy Hand Grenade looks a little lumpy, that's OK too, the original looked suspiciously like it was made from a coconut.

Step 11: Decorate the Holy Hand Grenade

Roll out  some white fondant.  Cut strips to decorate the Holy Hand Grenade as shown.  You can cut it with a pizza cutter or a fondant cutter that gives you a ruffled edge.  You may need to wet the back of the fondant for it to stick be careful though, a little water goes a long way.  Now cut a small circle to cover the joints at the top of the Holy Hand Grenade.  For an extra flourish attach sugar pearls to the white ribbon with royal icing.

Step 12: Make the Holy Pin


Every hand grenade needs a pin.  Get out your cross candy mold and candy melts. I used yellow melts and added one drop of red.  Melt the candy melts and fill your molds.  We're making two crosses that we will stick to each other.  After they have set, remove from the molds and whittle out a small trench at the bottom of each cross so that a lollipop stick or skewer or whatever you are going to use to stick it in the cake can fit into.  Use a little melted candy as glue and you have your Holy firing pin.  Now, get out your alcohol and gold luster dust again and paint your cross gold.  We are now ready to arm the Holy Hand Grenade.

Step 13: Assemble the Holy Hand Grenade


Now is the time to assemble your weapon of mass cake destruction.  Spread a small amount of buttercream on the board we fitted into the red fondant earlier.  Carefully place the Holy Hand Grenade on the board and make sure it is level.  If not use buttercream to level it out.  Carefully slide two bamboo skewers at an angle through the top of the Holy Hand Grenade and into the cakes beneath.  Now, it is the moment we have all been waiting for, time to arm the Holy Hand Grenade.  Very carefully (we don't want premature detonation) insert the Holy Pin into the Holy Hand Grenade.

Step 14: Make a Nest for the Holy Hand Grenade


I did this in the wrong order too, learn from my mistake and add this after you've placed the Holy Hand Grenade in its box.  Roll out some of your remaining white fondant and form into two drapes that we'll place to the left and right of the Holy Hand Grenade.  Attach them with a little bit of water.  Doesn't that look comfortable?

Step 15: Deploy the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch


Now is the time to deploy the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch against the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog or other suitable foe. Good luck!

Comments

author
Rytag made it!(author)2017-06-13

hahaha so funny!

author
sollidia made it!(author)2011-09-08

Thank you!! i had a headache and saw this..made me laugh to bits (big fan)..now i am inspired to make this cake..

author
katebabe384 made it!(author)2011-05-15

YES!!! I love it!! So clever!!!

author
GailC made it!(author)2011-04-21

GREAT cake!!!!

author
KovuKora made it!(author)2011-04-12

This has to be the most awesome cake I've ever seen. You, sir, are full of win. I totally want this as my next birthday cake.

author
rickwaller made it!(author)2011-04-13

Thanks!

author
KovuKora made it!(author)2011-04-13

You're very welcome, my good sir.

author
TrinityMacPhisto made it!(author)2011-02-25

Will we be snuffed if we eat the Holy Hand Grenade?

author
leggs2002 made it!(author)2011-04-11

only if u are naughty in His eyes...

author
Silver+Buttons made it!(author)2011-03-01

Who got to eat the Holy Pin? :oD

author
rickwaller made it!(author)2011-03-02

We don't know, he took it with him. He may be preserving it as the holy relic that it is :)

author
Silver+Buttons made it!(author)2011-03-01

It's the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, the cake that Brother Maynard carries!

author
absolofdoom made it!(author)2011-02-27

1...2...5...

author
t-skware made it!(author)2011-03-01

Three sir. . . Three!

author
AmyLuthien made it!(author)2011-03-01

This is one of those things that you did not know you needed, until you saw it. I now need one. Thanks! :D

author
mossDboss made it!(author)2011-02-28



Pie Jesu domine, dona eis requiem


Brother Manard, How does one eat the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch Cake?

author
finthebass made it!(author)2011-02-28

Yes! This is awesome!

author
mrbedlamman made it!(author)2011-02-27

Thanks sooooo much our church is having a bake sale next week and i definitely going to make this.

author
rickwaller made it!(author)2011-02-28

Awesome! Post a pic.

author
Xellers made it!(author)2011-02-27

!!!

author
Greg+C. made it!(author)2011-02-27

YES. YES. YES.

Edible EPIC!!!nes.

I'll add this to the list.

Fruit bats, orangoutangs, breakfast cereals, anchovies, carp, lambs and sloths,

cake made in the image of thy most holy hand grenade.

NOM NOM NOM

author
Drew-Oz made it!(author)2011-02-27

Ekky ekky ekky f'tang!

author
your+dog made it!(author)2011-02-27

GOD YES.

author
Persona made it!(author)2011-02-27

I want at least ten! (that's my way of saying I like it)

author
eleyana made it!(author)2011-02-27

Epic! Tim would be verily proud.

author
rickwaller made it!(author)2011-02-27

Thanks!

author
axiesdad made it!(author)2011-02-27

This is our first ible? Awesome! Great job. Also, as one who watched "Monty Python"s Flying Circus" on PBS a few centuries back, I'm glad to know there are still people who appreciate genius grade insanity.

author
rickwaller made it!(author)2011-02-27

Thanks! it is my first one. I figured an undertaking as important as the Holy Hand Grenade should be duly documented. I was pleasantly surprised that most of the office recognized it right away when it was wheeled in for the unsuspecting recipient.

author
cheeserdane made it!(author)2011-02-25

Now do the same thing again, but as a prank and have it blow up in someone's face. Just like it should.

author
twowheelsshy made it!(author)2011-02-27

LOL. I can see it now...

author
randofo made it!(author)2011-02-25

Blessed is thy cake. With it may you serve slices in tiny bits.

author
tobster9103 made it!(author)2011-02-26

AHHH! You said the word! I will say Ni to you, unless you bring me a shrubery!

author
winterfresh made it!(author)2011-02-26

Is it "and"? No? Well in that case I shall say....... IT IT IT IT IT IT IT IT!

author
Cobalt59 made it!(author)2011-02-26

Monty Python :D.

author
Ghost+Wolf made it!(author)2011-02-25

lol that thing killed a rabbit this one has so much sugar it'll kill anyone who eats it XD

author
drewSaysGoVeg made it!(author)2011-02-25

Looks great. Seems like you spent a lot of money on a cake, though.

author
rickwaller made it!(author)2011-02-25

Thanks! I already had all of the equipment, so the groceries didn't cost too much.

author
caitlinsdad made it!(author)2011-02-25

No one expects this...

you might want to footnote your ible before someone goes jihading with it.

author
acidbass made it!(author)2011-02-25

One Two Five... I mean three

author
Arbitror made it!(author)2011-02-25

Alleluia!

author
young+skipper made it!(author)2011-02-25

This cake is the most holiest of all thou cakes. We obviously must put it on a pedestal in the Vatican with guards surrounding me.

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