Introduction: The Merry Mole Repellent (and a Sad One)
Although moles are important and mostly beneficial parts of an ecosystem, they can be seen as pests when they invade your yard, dig out your vegetables, mess up your lawn or devour your children, oh, actually they tend not to do that last part. You can get rid of them in various ways, but the end result is usually killing them with traps, poison or dynamite.
As moles are a protected species in most of Europe's countries, the method I'm going to present is non-lethal, low cost, much fun and potentially well known, in some regions, in a form or other, so let's begin:
Step 1: The Theory
Science, oh, sorry.... legend says that if you bury a glass bottle in the mole hill, leaving just the neck out, the wind will create a low pitched whistling sound when it blows over the exposed mouth (due to the difference of pressure inside the bottle and the outside environment). This sound and the vibrations emitted by the bottle then propagate trough the mole's burrow stressing him so much that he eventually gets fed up and leaves in search of a tranquil place. Just imagine your next door neighbor getting high and blasting ghetto music at full volume, 24 hours a day for five days straight, that's how the mole feels, except he can't call the police (or PETA).
Step 2: The Practice
Acquiring the materials:
Nothing simpler than this: go to your favorite store and buy some, I meant lots, of your favorite beer, just remember: buy the ones in glass bottles, not plastic, not cans, glass bottles.
Preparing the repellents:
Carefully empty the bottles using your digestive system.
Setting up the repellents:
When the bottle is empty, double check, find a mole hill and place the bottle in the hole in the middle of the hill, shove it as deep as you can, but leave the neck and mouth exposed.
Yes, I know its hard work, go have a beer.
Strength in numbers:
For this method to be efficient you need to set up as much repellents as you can, so keep repeating the above steps until you run out of beer, land or balance, then go have a beer.
Step 3: Disclaimer
It has been scientifically proven that setting up too many mole repellents can cause loss of balance, vertigo, sudden realization that she didn't love you anyway, uncontrollable crying because those moles might have kids and now they're cold and homeless, texting your ex, loss of short term memory and hopefully a blackout.
If you are a minor, in most parts of the world, you are not allowed to set up mole repellents, actually in some parts you are not allowed to do so regardless of your age, so make sure to check out the local legislation before you set out and repel moles.
Do not, under any circumstances, set up mole repellents then/and drive, seriously. Find out more on RepelMolesResponsibly.com
Some sources argue that this method is not as effective as just straight out killing the moles and I can't scientifically refute it, however, my neighbor said that since he started repelling moles this way 20 years ago and replaces the old repellents with new ones at least seven times a week, there is not one bothersome mole hill left on his lawn... I mean they're there, but they just don't seem to bother him anymore.
Step 4: + One Method for the Morally Incorruptible
I heard that there are people out there who do not consume beer, although it's hard to even imagine such specimens exist within the Homo genus, above (in the pictures) is an alternative method using plastic soda or water bottles, the theory is basically the same, the practice is, however, 0 fun.
Thanks for reading on, I just made 3 brand new repellents whilst writing this article.
Don't forget to visit my website: stvn.eu and check out my other projects.