Introduction: The Ultimate Zombie Stopper

Danger is in the region.
Many dead men.
Walking.
Chasin' survivors.

Firing before asking.
Ammunition becomes scarce.
Noisy business.
Risky business.

Starting to love
the smell of burning zombie in the morning...

Working 'round the farm is gettin' difficult.
Close encounters.
Too much too frequent.

New weapons are required.
New tactics developed.
Danger sharpens the mind.

Our outpost came up with something new.
Something light.
Something simple.
Something deadly accurate.

The ultimate skull crusher.

Spread the word around.

Whuha from the outpost.

Step 1: Get That Handle

In our hedges, lots of common hazel.
Wonderful wood.
Straight & fast growing.
Relatively hard.
Resistant to smashing.
Perfect tool wood.

Get a branch with a nice curve.
Oval shaped at the base.
Don't forsake your security.
Work in daylight.
Stay aware.

Found it?
Cut it, fast.

Look at most heavy duty tools.
They all have oval cross sections.
Much more difficult to break.
Your weapon should resist a lot of impact.

Zombie skulls are resistant.
Make it the best you can.

Step 2: Power to the Blade

Metal is good.
But metal is heavy.
And much energy is needed to work it.
Energy is scarce, around here.

So I went back to basics.
Got a few heavy wooden olive elbows in my workshop.
Fated to be transformed in boomerangs.
When times were peaceful.
Heavy, resistant wood.
Highly energetic.
Good karma.

Try to find that elbow.
Dense wood required.
Oak, hornbeam, maple, that stuff.
Check out for fallen trees.
Rootwood is just perfect.
Try to get it already dry.
There's no time to dry it.

To shape it I have one advice.
Less is more.
Get it minimalistic.
Save your energy.

Cut the elbow into slices - half inch thick.
Round the corners.
V-shape the cutting edge.
Keep the weight in the blade.
Sand it smooth.
Oil it carefully.

Step 3: Shape That Handle

Present the blade to the handle.
Mark the contact zones between both.

Start digging those sockets.
Or do like me: start the power supply, connect the grinder and burn the holes out.

Don't disturb the energy of the blade by drilling holes in it to fix it to the handle.
Would be like drilling a hole in a diamond to fix it to a ring.
Not one idiot does that.

Use good old pressure to keep it in place.
Easy to fix, easy to dismantle.
Minimalistic, again.

If it's too crowdy out there, do this manually with a chisel.
Don't attract more of them then you can neutralize.
Safety first, more then ever.

Stain it, blood patches will be less visible.

One strong cup of tea.
The darkest you can.
One cup vinegar, a bunch of steelwool.
Tea on the handle. Lots.
Let it dry.
Time for steelmix.
Instant result.
You're done.

Once dried, oil it with walnut oil.
Welcome to the dark side.

Step 4: Assemble Them Smasher

Reinforce the sockets.
Paracord or zombie tendon.
Prevent the handle from splitting.
Fisherman's knots.

Press the blade in its sockets.

Ready is that smasher.

Step 5: Stay Alive

Never had a more useful weapon.
Light, fast, accurate.
And beautiful, if you ask me.

Build it. You've got nothing more to loose.

Spread the word around.

Whuha from the outpost.

Comments

author
ericwlff (author)2015-05-08

This is cool. I have to build it now...

author
TheNinthDoctor (author)2014-03-13

This is like a poem

author
bricobart (author)TheNinthDoctor2014-03-13

Crushing skulls has always had something poetic in many ways...

author
jtaylor115 (author)bricobart2015-02-09

like "Sparrow Egg Between Thigh" lol

author

more like Zombie Haiku

author
themanwoaname (author)2014-04-16

Totally not a fan at all how the instructable was written. I dont like the idea of having to decode what I'm reading to see if it's something I can make.

Not to mention there's no evidence of it actually being of any use other than two pressure fit pieces of art.

author
jtaylor115 (author)themanwoaname2015-02-09

useful? not in daily life but for us zombie fenatics who are into collecting or creating props this one goes as a priceless one and makes it a personal one to our collection if we decide to make it...and no 2 would ever be the same.

author

Which is sad, because as frustrating as it is to read and simplify this instructable; I noticed I've favorited a few of his other projects.

author
Runawayscott (author)2015-01-01

I think it's really cool. But how does the blade stay in the sockets? Is there a specific way they're cut to keep the blade in?

author
bricobart (author)Runawayscott2015-01-01

Thanx scott! Those sockets are just a little bit too narrow, if you want, and slightly conic - the deeper you go the narrower it becomes. Something like that.

author
Runawayscott (author)bricobart2015-01-01

I can see how that would work. Thanks for the tip. I'd like to try building one, once I have some woodworking experience. Nice, minimalist zombie killer.

author
michaelrobbutler (author)2014-06-20

Interesting way to write this! I liked it though, good job!

author

Thanx michael - our zombies didn't like it, btw! ;)

author
ToggleSwitch (author)2014-04-05

I was too distracted by your zombie narration to see. What did you use to keep the blade on the stick?

author
bricobart (author)ToggleSwitch2014-04-14

Like Ezava commented, the blade is just pressed in the slots. No screws no glue, it stays very well in place and it's removable with a little effort.

author
Ezava2 (author)ToggleSwitch2014-04-11

he said pressure

author
Nexus of Crisis (author)2014-04-09

A little Ironic, yet fitting at the same time... Olive branches are normally identified as a symbol of peace but are also lesser known as a symbol of victory.

Nice work.

author

You have a point, nice remark ;)

author
Huncker (author)2014-04-04

No time to be nice
Always thought pretty weapons sucked
Now I know better
Whuha

author
bricobart (author)Huncker2014-04-14

There's something poetic in crushin' skulls...

Whuha!

author
l8nite (author)2014-03-14

it's very pretty, you realize of course that boomarangs were originally used for hunting and could split a skull if thrown properly

author
bricobart (author)l8nite2014-03-23

I've two major fears: being transported in time and reincarnate in something vulnerable. My worst nightmare: being a wallaby some 200 years ago...

author
adrianco (author)2014-03-13

lov it, You earn my vote Whuha!

author
bricobart (author)adrianco2014-03-14

Thanx mate, encouraging!

author
bricobart (author)2014-03-14

Last night was rough. Bad moon rising. Foggy fields. Muted sounds.

They went over the palissades. Violent clashes.

Tomorrow will be worse.

author
truckingman (author)2014-03-13

Wood is 'Stronger' and more 'Resilient' then steal..

author
LunaEros (author)2014-03-13

This guy must think he's living in a zombie infested "Sin City" movie.

That's what his ramblings mimic. The narration from "Sin City"

author
bricobart (author)LunaEros2014-03-13

Prove you're not one of them!

author
MonkiMan (author)2014-03-13

not certain it would very effective against multiple zombies but it is beautiful, if i come across some beautiful pieces of wood like that i might make one :)

author
bricobart (author)MonkiMan2014-03-13

Thanx - untill now it has proven it's effectiveness. Make it!

author
Misac-kun (author)2014-03-13

A Sharp edge from wood? that's just... Marvelous!

author
bricobart (author)Misac-kun2014-03-13

Whuha!

author
jmdushi (author)2014-03-04

l love that olive elbow. It is so beautiful, a precious gift of nature.

author
bricobart (author)jmdushi2014-03-05

I agree! That's the reason why I choose to disturb it as less as possible, it's a masterpiece on its own. Never burned so much zombie as the past few days...

author
PossibleFire (author)2014-03-02

Its so pretty, I'd be afraid to hit a zombie with it!

author
bricobart (author)PossibleFire2014-03-04

Thank you - it's like a lot of things: it's not because it's pretty that it's innocent ;)

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Bio: I made a beer mug with only a knife & a hatchet. I think that says a lot about me.
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