The ULTIMATE REDNECK FIREWOOD EASY HANDLING SYSTEM (URFEHS)
That’s right, REDNECKS rocks and we come up with some of the weirdest and crazy solutions. The ULTIMATE REDNECK FIREWOOD EASY HANDLING SYSTEM (URFEHS) (Pronounced, “You’re Feeds”) is the answer to THREE different problems rednecks (and many whitenecks*) face. It is a Time, Labor, Eco-friendly, and Money saving ‘ible!
The problems are…
1- Handling firewood is laborious, time consuming, and tedious, not to mention a real pain and back breaking. Normal wood piles also don’t allow wood to become evenly ‘seasoned.’ Seasoning is essential to ensure that the wood burns properly without creating a dangerous creosote build up that can cause a chimney fire. (This is the “Time and Labor” saving part of the system.)
2- The second problem is that with rising fuel prices, heating your home is getting more and more costly. If you have a small wood burning stove, you can heat for little or no cost. This system allows people to easily manage their own wood piles. (This is the “Money” saving part of the system.)
3-Finally the last problem is that no one wants used wood pallets. These pallets are a pain to break apart and often times cause a disposal problem for companies. My system creates a demand for these crates (available anywhere for free). (This is the “Eco-friendly and Money” saving part of the system.)
Now, here is the great part of this system: is SO EASY, it only requires a hammer and nails. Even whitenecks have these in the house! (Note, to take full advantage of this system, a tractor equipped with forks is required, but any self respecting redneck has at least ONE of these lying around!)
So, simply nail 4 waste pallets together. Once done, you get a very strong and sturdy, FREE, firewood storage system. Note, it might seem ‘wobbly’ when it’s empty depending on your nails, pallets, and carpentry skills. However, once full, these crates are super strong!
Now that you have the crate, just fill it with your split wood wherever it’s convenient. Once full, you can move the loaded firewood to a remote place to season. Out of sight, and out of the way. When you are ready to burn it, just move it with the tractor to the stove and you are ready to rock!
Also, once loaded, the wood will still 'season' properly, but now you can ‘turn’ the wood to ensure a quicker and more even seasoning of your wood. You can even stack the wood pallets to store move wood in a smaller space. This is a massive time, money, Earth friendly, and space saving solution!
I’m submitting this to the “REDNECK CONTEST” because it involves tractors, cutting trees up, carpentry, and working smarter. But, above all. a REDNECK is one thing, SELF-RELIANT! This is an ‘ible that helps REDNECKS be just that!
*= “Whiteneck” is a term of endearment that us Rednecks use to refer to everyone else. If you don’t understand the brilliance of this ‘ible, it’s OK. You most likely haven’t spent years chopping and stacking wood, only to have to restack piles, move piles, load piles up, unload piles into the house. In fact, many times, a single piece of wood will get handled well over 6 times before it’s burnt. This system reduces that to handling it 3 times TOTAL.