Introduction: Turning a Cruise Full of Old People Into a Death Defying Adventure

It's pretty much a given that most cruises are intended for old people. Nothing against the elderly, of course, but the pre-packaged sub-par entertainment, all you can eat buffets, hand held "tours" of the surrounding area, high touristy prices...all of that doesn't really scream "adventure" to me. Relaxation, maybe, but relaxing is also for old people and there'll be plenty of time to do that when you're dead.

Even so, only an idiot would pass up a free* cruise when offered, so if you're young**, fun and fancy free*** and aching for a raucous time, we have five easy steps to transform a slow paced trip on a giant boat full of masseuses and people who need them into a DEATH DEFYING ADVENTURE.

In the immortal words of former Gov. Jesse Ventura, sometimes you gotta defy death in order to enjoy life.

Let us begin.

*even if the cruise is not free, but just a really good deal, I still suggest you take it.
** or young at heart (tm)
*** that came out a lot fruitier than I meant it to

Step 1: ONE: Every Traveler Needs a Good Companion And/or Hat

Much like a good interstellar space traveler is nothing without his towel (see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) a good cruiser is nothing without a like-minded companion or a decent hat. Lucky is the man who has both. Keeps the scenery fresh (companion), keeps the sun out (hat) keep the jokes coming (good companion or a really stupid hat).

Step 2: TWO: Explore the Boat. Death Defying Possibilites Are Everywhere.

But it's just a boat, you say. What could be so exciting about a big boat?

You might as well ask what's so great about The Pyramids in Egypt? Or ancient Pompeii? Or the ruins at Chichen Itza? Or the city of Petra where Indiana Jones spelled out "Iohovah" and got the Holy Grail? There are metaphorical holy grails to be found in all levels of any cruise ship, although you might have to lob off some metaphorical heads of some metaphorical Nazis to get there.

Some things to consider:

Go find the portholes that dip below the water line and watch the flotsam and fishes. Watch for sharks. Warn other passengers if you see them, but do not specify whether you saw them in the ocean or in the swimming pool on Deck 3. Defy death by dodging deck chairs.

Defy death by staying out on deck on a particularly stormy night. Go the front of the boat (cross over lines prohibiting so at your own discretion) and stand at 45 degree angles to the wind. Get very wet and windbeaten.

Find the arcade. It's usually free and most old people avoid it, especially late at night. Half the games will be broken. The only one that will work well will be "House of the Dead." Defy death by seeing if you can get through the first level without throwing up, because it's a pretty gross game.

Challenge someone to pistols at dawn. You'll be surprised how many old people take you up on it.

Step 3: THREE: Climb Everything Possible

Cruises sometime take you to really cool places and as over populated as they may be with tourists, remember this golden rule:

Tourists are like breathable air. The higher the elevation, the less there is of them, the thinner they get and the fresher the views.

Okay, not a perfect analogy, but the point is made.

Seeing ruins? Climb them. Going hiking? Outlast the pack. See some slighty vertical rocks? You get my drift. You'll be surprised what you see and how much you'll hate yourself if you don't. Be grateful for your ankles, hips and knees. You're surrounded by people that would kill for them.

Step 4: FOUR: Consider Life Altering Decisions

Life Altering Decisions (i.e. LADs) can come in many shapes and sizes. They could be in the form of quitting/starting a new job, adding/subtracting friends and family from your current dossier or deciding to blow/save all your money on/for cruises/death defying adventures. The nature of the LAD is up to you, as is the time at which to make it. We only encourage that it be considered.


Step 5: FIVE: Commandeer the Wheel, Sail Where You Darn Well Please

Juuuuuust kidding. Don't do that. They could charge your room.

Step 6: Repeat As Necessary

So, there you have it. Cruises aren't just for the geriatrics anymore: anything from soda by the pool to shuffleboard at dawn can be a death defying adventure if you really set your mind to it. Above all, have fun. Enjoy your bursting youth or youth at heart! Tear the ship apart until you've found that adventure, I want it ALIVE! Uh...I mean Carpe the freaking Diem.

Cheers.

Comments

author
ilpug (author)2011-06-09

nice. thats all i can say. nice.

author
chewy3939 (author)2011-06-09

I'd rate that a 5.12- ish

author
elite14 (author)2008-09-26

How about get a master chief costume and go around and do the stuff?!?!?! That would be freekin unbelievable and awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

author
Rock Soldier (author)elite142009-07-07

But how many people would know who you were?

author
red-king (author)Rock Soldier2009-10-18

 why does that matter? =P

author
d2j5 (author)red-king2009-10-19

umm not great when you freakout the old people and the chase you lol

author
DrFjormonger (author)d2j52010-01-18

You could always just wear a tux and pretend to be Sean Connery...

"Bond. James Bond."

author
chicopluma (author)DrFjormonger2011-04-10

maybe someone that everybody knows like a death reaper
death reaper- excuse me, can you give me a soda, it's a little hot in this suit
old man- $&/?(% the death!!!

author
Tool Using Animal (author)2008-06-08

~sigh~ My wife plans on dragging me on a cruise this year, my plan to make it interesting is to spend the entire cruise imagining she's Samantha Brown. Bow chica wow wow

author
ak49er (author)Tool Using Animal2008-06-12

that merits a double w00t. w00t.

author
laernmoer (author)ak49er2008-06-16

w00t (he said double)

author
ak49er (author)laernmoer2009-07-11

Thank you! (High Fives)

author

Make sure you take Norwegian Cruise Lines. All the rest of them SUCK big time. 'Jus a little friendly advice.

author
bumpus (author)Tool Using Animal2008-06-09

hahaha, your the beginning of your comment went from boooring, to hehehe

author
Rock Soldier (author)2009-07-07

As long as house of the dead works, I'm happy. (And it's not gross. I been playing since I was about three, and never once threw up.)

author
handyhippie65 (author)2009-06-10

dude, you rock! now, pardon me while i go carpe de cheese tostie.mmm...metly cheese!

author
sumlittlepunk (author)2009-02-03

lol congratulations! you two are cute..i expect an instructable for putting together a death defying wedding.

author
Derin (author)2008-12-11

Lol at galaxy guide reference.

author
qxjones (author)2008-11-08

I have tears in my eyes. Too funny! Thanks!

author
Cereleste (author)2008-10-08

Also, if fishing comes up, always remember to: Carpe carp. (gotta love get fuzzy)

author
fearme36 (author)2008-10-05

omg i think i was on that same ship! jk the odds are like 1 in a billlion. but i did go on the grand princess once. very nice instuctable. i'll be sure do defy death the next time i go on a cruise.

author
woofboy111 (author)2008-07-11

It just so happens that I booked a cruise on the Carnival Sensation going to the Bahamas next week. The Bahamas don't thrill me too much, but I'll be sure to have some death-defying experiences there while the elderly that are coming along that got me the senior discount on the cruise will be sitting on the boat all day playing Bingo... But really, I think my death-defying experience already started. The only rooms left were way down in the windowless bowels of the ship, next to the engines and sewage treatment plants. The lady at Travelocity told me I really shouldn't get those rooms, but I did it anyway! HA!

author
RaNDoMLeiGH (author)woofboy1112008-09-07

next time book your cruise to the bahamas for September. You'll be much more impressed by your opportunities to defy death... and hurricanes!

author

I've been on that same ship to the Bahamas!! I hope you successfully defied death.

author

Nice! Way to stick it to the travelocity-man. Carpe the awesome, dude!

author
JoeyJaroz (author)2008-08-26

AWWWWW, i just went on a cruise, i wish i had read this instructable first :(

author
lupinesoul (author)2008-07-18

Almost as good as how to escape America...

author
SoundMan (author)2008-06-09

very amusing Instructable man! thoroughly enjoyed it, I live by the saying carpe scrotum - grab life by the balls!!

author
jongscx (author)SoundMan2008-06-11

Carpe Diem via Scrotum?

author
SoundMan (author)jongscx2008-06-12

that would be "sieze the day through balls" doesnt have quite the same ring to it hahaha

author
DeusXMachina (author)SoundMan2008-06-12

"Carpete pillae dierum" would be sieze the day's balls "Carpe vita ab pilis" would be grab life by the balls Take your pick, no one will understand you anyways :-P

author
jongscx (author)DeusXMachina2008-06-13

I was asleep when they taught us that... Mostly I stick with phrases that involve "El ano del caballo" (the year of the horse...)

author
roar77uk (author)jongscx2008-06-13

So how would one phrase "Grab your balls all day?"

author
jongscx (author)roar77uk2008-06-13

"Abgray ouryay allsbay allay ayday!"

author
Aburame Shino (author)jongscx2008-07-09

Abgray ouryay allsbay allyay ayday is the correct ayway. When a word starts with a vowel, you add -yay, not -ay. ; Or so I've heard.

author
jongscx (author)Aburame Shino2008-07-09

we must be from different provinces of Pig Rome....

author
Aburame Shino (author)jongscx2008-07-10

Mhm. I'm from the Southern province known as Kentuckius.

author
smithy813 (author)jongscx2008-06-13

somehow i think your bluffing

author
SoundMan (author)smithy8132008-06-14

surely you guys realised i was joking yea? i havent a clue what grab life by the balls would be in latin, i was just taking the piss!

author
roar77uk (author)SoundMan2008-06-14

Ok, yeah, I got that... ...but now i need to know how would I say "Grabbing my balls whilst taking a piss"? (I think we're departing from the theme of the instructable somewhat)

author
Gage987 (author)roar77uk2008-06-17

you are way off topic and funny

author
smithy813 (author)Gage9872008-06-17

it's possible

author
gormly (author)SoundMan2008-06-28

seize balls?.. no thanks.

author
senga (author)2008-07-07

ROFL tx for the great instructable !

author

Thank you to everyone who voted, will be voting, is thinking about voting, and/or has voted for other people's instructables, but still looks at this one fondly. You guys all rock! Instruct on....

author
mail (author)2008-07-07

this is so cool i once made the mistake of going on one of these cruises and i really wish i had this guide though it wasn't a total loss, i got to go zip lining.

author
bmxer (author)2008-07-02

Very unique instructable

author
theknight (author)2008-06-27

I need to go on a cruise...

author
Lithium Rain (author)2008-06-23

Seeing ruins? Climb them. Going hiking? Outlast the pack. See some slighty vertical rocks? You get my drift. You'll be surprised what you see and how much you'll hate yourself if you don't.

You're a man after my own heart! 5/5 stars

author
Hacking_Axe (author)2008-06-23

Awesome, I can recognize the Maya Ruin Altun Ha anywhere, well that would be because I am from Belize where it is located. Well at least the second picture is, not too sure about the first one. Hope you enjoyed your visit.

About This Instructable

43,499views

84favorites

License:

Bio: Mom, author, artist, spy. Also available in twitter form: @kmcriddle
More by iwasthinkingaboutsoup:Persian Tea CookiesTurning a Cruise Full of Old People into a Death Defying Adventure
Add instructable to: