Instructables

Turning a Cruise Full of Old People into a Death Defying Adventure

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It's pretty much a given that most cruises are intended for old people. Nothing against the elderly, of course, but the pre-packaged sub-par entertainment, all you can eat buffets, hand held "tours" of the surrounding area, high touristy prices...all of that doesn't really scream "adventure" to me. Relaxation, maybe, but relaxing is also for old people and there'll be plenty of time to do that when you're dead.

Even so, only an idiot would pass up a free* cruise when offered, so if you're young**, fun and fancy free*** and aching for a raucous time, we have five easy steps to transform a slow paced trip on a giant boat full of masseuses and people who need them into a DEATH DEFYING ADVENTURE.

In the immortal words of former Gov. Jesse Ventura, sometimes you gotta defy death in order to enjoy life.

Let us begin.

*even if the cruise is not free, but just a really good deal, I still suggest you take it.
** or young at heart (tm)
*** that came out a lot fruitier than I meant it to
 
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Step 1: ONE: Every traveler needs a good companion and/or hat

Much like a good interstellar space traveler is nothing without his towel (see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) a good cruiser is nothing without a like-minded companion or a decent hat. Lucky is the man who has both. Keeps the scenery fresh (companion), keeps the sun out (hat) keep the jokes coming (good companion or a really stupid hat).

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ilpug3 years ago
nice. thats all i can say. nice.
chewy39393 years ago
I'd rate that a 5.12- ish
elite146 years ago
How about get a master chief costume and go around and do the stuff?!?!?! That would be freekin unbelievable and awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But how many people would know who you were?
 why does that matter? =P
d2j5 red-king4 years ago
umm not great when you freakout the old people and the chase you lol
You could always just wear a tux and pretend to be Sean Connery...

"Bond. James Bond."
maybe someone that everybody knows like a death reaper
death reaper- excuse me, can you give me a soda, it's a little hot in this suit
old man- $&/?(% the death!!!
~sigh~ My wife plans on dragging me on a cruise this year, my plan to make it interesting is to spend the entire cruise imagining she's Samantha Brown. Bow chica wow wow
that merits a double w00t. w00t.
w00t (he said double)
Thank you! (High Fives)
Make sure you take Norwegian Cruise Lines. All the rest of them SUCK big time. 'Jus a little friendly advice.
hahaha, your the beginning of your comment went from boooring, to hehehe
As long as house of the dead works, I'm happy. (And it's not gross. I been playing since I was about three, and never once threw up.)
dude, you rock! now, pardon me while i go carpe de cheese tostie.mmm...metly cheese!
lol congratulations! you two are cute..i expect an instructable for putting together a death defying wedding.
Derin5 years ago
Lol at galaxy guide reference.
qxjones5 years ago
I have tears in my eyes. Too funny! Thanks!
Cereleste5 years ago
Also, if fishing comes up, always remember to: Carpe carp. (gotta love get fuzzy)
fearme365 years ago
omg i think i was on that same ship! jk the odds are like 1 in a billlion. but i did go on the grand princess once. very nice instuctable. i'll be sure do defy death the next time i go on a cruise.
woofboy1116 years ago
It just so happens that I booked a cruise on the Carnival Sensation going to the Bahamas next week. The Bahamas don't thrill me too much, but I'll be sure to have some death-defying experiences there while the elderly that are coming along that got me the senior discount on the cruise will be sitting on the boat all day playing Bingo... But really, I think my death-defying experience already started. The only rooms left were way down in the windowless bowels of the ship, next to the engines and sewage treatment plants. The lady at Travelocity told me I really shouldn't get those rooms, but I did it anyway! HA!
next time book your cruise to the bahamas for September. You'll be much more impressed by your opportunities to defy death... and hurricanes!
I've been on that same ship to the Bahamas!! I hope you successfully defied death.
Nice! Way to stick it to the travelocity-man. Carpe the awesome, dude!
JoeyJaroz6 years ago
AWWWWW, i just went on a cruise, i wish i had read this instructable first :(
lupinesoul6 years ago
Almost as good as how to escape America...
SoundMan6 years ago
very amusing Instructable man! thoroughly enjoyed it, I live by the saying carpe scrotum - grab life by the balls!!
Carpe Diem via Scrotum?
that would be "sieze the day through balls" doesnt have quite the same ring to it hahaha
"Carpete pillae dierum" would be sieze the day's balls "Carpe vita ab pilis" would be grab life by the balls Take your pick, no one will understand you anyways :-P
I was asleep when they taught us that... Mostly I stick with phrases that involve "El ano del caballo" (the year of the horse...)
So how would one phrase "Grab your balls all day?"
"Abgray ouryay allsbay allay ayday!"
Abgray ouryay allsbay allyay ayday is the correct ayway. When a word starts with a vowel, you add -yay, not -ay. ; Or so I've heard.
we must be from different provinces of Pig Rome....
Mhm. I'm from the Southern province known as Kentuckius.
somehow i think your bluffing
surely you guys realised i was joking yea? i havent a clue what grab life by the balls would be in latin, i was just taking the piss!
Ok, yeah, I got that... ...but now i need to know how would I say "Grabbing my balls whilst taking a piss"? (I think we're departing from the theme of the instructable somewhat)
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