Even so, only an idiot would pass up a free* cruise when offered, so if you're young**, fun and fancy free*** and aching for a raucous time, we have five easy steps to transform a slow paced trip on a giant boat full of masseuses and people who need them into a DEATH DEFYING ADVENTURE.
In the immortal words of former Gov. Jesse Ventura, sometimes you gotta defy death in order to enjoy life.
Let us begin.
*even if the cruise is not free, but just a really good deal, I still suggest you take it.
** or young at heart (tm)
*** that came out a lot fruitier than I meant it to
Step 1: ONE: Every Traveler Needs a Good Companion And/or Hat
Step 2: TWO: Explore the Boat. Death Defying Possibilites Are Everywhere.
You might as well ask what's so great about The Pyramids in Egypt? Or ancient Pompeii? Or the ruins at Chichen Itza? Or the city of Petra where Indiana Jones spelled out "Iohovah" and got the Holy Grail? There are metaphorical holy grails to be found in all levels of any cruise ship, although you might have to lob off some metaphorical heads of some metaphorical Nazis to get there.
Some things to consider:
Go find the portholes that dip below the water line and watch the flotsam and fishes. Watch for sharks. Warn other passengers if you see them, but do not specify whether you saw them in the ocean or in the swimming pool on Deck 3. Defy death by dodging deck chairs.
Defy death by staying out on deck on a particularly stormy night. Go the front of the boat (cross over lines prohibiting so at your own discretion) and stand at 45 degree angles to the wind. Get very wet and windbeaten.
Find the arcade. It's usually free and most old people avoid it, especially late at night. Half the games will be broken. The only one that will work well will be "House of the Dead." Defy death by seeing if you can get through the first level without throwing up, because it's a pretty gross game.
Challenge someone to pistols at dawn. You'll be surprised how many old people take you up on it.
Step 3: THREE: Climb Everything Possible
Tourists are like breathable air. The higher the elevation, the less there is of them, the thinner they get and the fresher the views.
Okay, not a perfect analogy, but the point is made.
Seeing ruins? Climb them. Going hiking? Outlast the pack. See some slighty vertical rocks? You get my drift. You'll be surprised what you see and how much you'll hate yourself if you don't. Be grateful for your ankles, hips and knees. You're surrounded by people that would kill for them.
Step 4: FOUR: Consider Life Altering Decisions
Step 5: FIVE: Commandeer the Wheel, Sail Where You Darn Well Please
Step 6: Repeat As Necessary