Introduction: Turning a Cruise Full of Old People Into a Death Defying Adventure

Picture of Turning a Cruise Full of Old People Into a Death Defying Adventure

It's pretty much a given that most cruises are intended for old people. Nothing against the elderly, of course, but the pre-packaged sub-par entertainment, all you can eat buffets, hand held "tours" of the surrounding area, high touristy prices...all of that doesn't really scream "adventure" to me. Relaxation, maybe, but relaxing is also for old people and there'll be plenty of time to do that when you're dead.

Even so, only an idiot would pass up a free* cruise when offered, so if you're young**, fun and fancy free*** and aching for a raucous time, we have five easy steps to transform a slow paced trip on a giant boat full of masseuses and people who need them into a DEATH DEFYING ADVENTURE.

In the immortal words of former Gov. Jesse Ventura, sometimes you gotta defy death in order to enjoy life.

Let us begin.

*even if the cruise is not free, but just a really good deal, I still suggest you take it.
** or young at heart (tm)
*** that came out a lot fruitier than I meant it to

Step 1: ONE: Every Traveler Needs a Good Companion And/or Hat

Picture of ONE: Every Traveler Needs a Good Companion And/or Hat

Much like a good interstellar space traveler is nothing without his towel (see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) a good cruiser is nothing without a like-minded companion or a decent hat. Lucky is the man who has both. Keeps the scenery fresh (companion), keeps the sun out (hat) keep the jokes coming (good companion or a really stupid hat).

Step 2: TWO: Explore the Boat. Death Defying Possibilites Are Everywhere.

Picture of TWO: Explore the Boat.  Death Defying Possibilites Are Everywhere.

But it's just a boat, you say. What could be so exciting about a big boat?

You might as well ask what's so great about The Pyramids in Egypt? Or ancient Pompeii? Or the ruins at Chichen Itza? Or the city of Petra where Indiana Jones spelled out "Iohovah" and got the Holy Grail? There are metaphorical holy grails to be found in all levels of any cruise ship, although you might have to lob off some metaphorical heads of some metaphorical Nazis to get there.

Some things to consider:

Go find the portholes that dip below the water line and watch the flotsam and fishes. Watch for sharks. Warn other passengers if you see them, but do not specify whether you saw them in the ocean or in the swimming pool on Deck 3. Defy death by dodging deck chairs.

Defy death by staying out on deck on a particularly stormy night. Go the front of the boat (cross over lines prohibiting so at your own discretion) and stand at 45 degree angles to the wind. Get very wet and windbeaten.

Find the arcade. It's usually free and most old people avoid it, especially late at night. Half the games will be broken. The only one that will work well will be "House of the Dead." Defy death by seeing if you can get through the first level without throwing up, because it's a pretty gross game.

Challenge someone to pistols at dawn. You'll be surprised how many old people take you up on it.

Step 3: THREE: Climb Everything Possible

Picture of THREE: Climb Everything Possible

Cruises sometime take you to really cool places and as over populated as they may be with tourists, remember this golden rule:

Tourists are like breathable air. The higher the elevation, the less there is of them, the thinner they get and the fresher the views.

Okay, not a perfect analogy, but the point is made.

Seeing ruins? Climb them. Going hiking? Outlast the pack. See some slighty vertical rocks? You get my drift. You'll be surprised what you see and how much you'll hate yourself if you don't. Be grateful for your ankles, hips and knees. You're surrounded by people that would kill for them.

Step 4: FOUR: Consider Life Altering Decisions

Picture of FOUR: Consider Life Altering Decisions

Life Altering Decisions (i.e. LADs) can come in many shapes and sizes. They could be in the form of quitting/starting a new job, adding/subtracting friends and family from your current dossier or deciding to blow/save all your money on/for cruises/death defying adventures. The nature of the LAD is up to you, as is the time at which to make it. We only encourage that it be considered.


Step 5: FIVE: Commandeer the Wheel, Sail Where You Darn Well Please

Picture of FIVE: Commandeer the Wheel, Sail Where You Darn Well Please

Juuuuuust kidding. Don't do that. They could charge your room.

Step 6: Repeat As Necessary

Picture of Repeat As Necessary

So, there you have it. Cruises aren't just for the geriatrics anymore: anything from soda by the pool to shuffleboard at dawn can be a death defying adventure if you really set your mind to it. Above all, have fun. Enjoy your bursting youth or youth at heart! Tear the ship apart until you've found that adventure, I want it ALIVE! Uh...I mean Carpe the freaking Diem.

Cheers.

Comments

CreativeLlama207 (author)2017-09-13

ello

ilpug (author)2011-06-09

nice. thats all i can say. nice.

chewy3939 (author)2011-06-09

I'd rate that a 5.12- ish

elite14 (author)2008-09-26

How about get a master chief costume and go around and do the stuff?!?!?! That would be freekin unbelievable and awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rock Soldier (author)elite142009-07-07

But how many people would know who you were?

red-king (author)Rock Soldier2009-10-18

 why does that matter? =P

d2j5 (author)red-king2009-10-19

umm not great when you freakout the old people and the chase you lol

DrFjormonger (author)d2j52010-01-18

You could always just wear a tux and pretend to be Sean Connery...

"Bond. James Bond."

chicopluma (author)DrFjormonger2011-04-10

maybe someone that everybody knows like a death reaper
death reaper- excuse me, can you give me a soda, it's a little hot in this suit
old man- $&/?(% the death!!!

Tool Using Animal (author)2008-06-08

~sigh~ My wife plans on dragging me on a cruise this year, my plan to make it interesting is to spend the entire cruise imagining she's Samantha Brown. Bow chica wow wow

ak49er (author)Tool Using Animal2008-06-12

that merits a double w00t. w00t.

laernmoer (author)ak49er2008-06-16

w00t (he said double)

ak49er (author)laernmoer2009-07-11

Thank you! (High Fives)

Make sure you take Norwegian Cruise Lines. All the rest of them SUCK big time. 'Jus a little friendly advice.

bumpus (author)Tool Using Animal2008-06-09

hahaha, your the beginning of your comment went from boooring, to hehehe

Rock Soldier (author)2009-07-07

As long as house of the dead works, I'm happy. (And it's not gross. I been playing since I was about three, and never once threw up.)

handyhippie65 (author)2009-06-10

dude, you rock! now, pardon me while i go carpe de cheese tostie.mmm...metly cheese!

sumlittlepunk (author)2009-02-03

lol congratulations! you two are cute..i expect an instructable for putting together a death defying wedding.

Derin (author)2008-12-11

Lol at galaxy guide reference.

qxjones (author)2008-11-08

I have tears in my eyes. Too funny! Thanks!

Cereleste (author)2008-10-08

Also, if fishing comes up, always remember to: Carpe carp. (gotta love get fuzzy)

fearme36 (author)2008-10-05

omg i think i was on that same ship! jk the odds are like 1 in a billlion. but i did go on the grand princess once. very nice instuctable. i'll be sure do defy death the next time i go on a cruise.

woofboy111 (author)2008-07-11

It just so happens that I booked a cruise on the Carnival Sensation going to the Bahamas next week. The Bahamas don't thrill me too much, but I'll be sure to have some death-defying experiences there while the elderly that are coming along that got me the senior discount on the cruise will be sitting on the boat all day playing Bingo... But really, I think my death-defying experience already started. The only rooms left were way down in the windowless bowels of the ship, next to the engines and sewage treatment plants. The lady at Travelocity told me I really shouldn't get those rooms, but I did it anyway! HA!

RaNDoMLeiGH (author)woofboy1112008-09-07

next time book your cruise to the bahamas for September. You'll be much more impressed by your opportunities to defy death... and hurricanes!

I've been on that same ship to the Bahamas!! I hope you successfully defied death.

Nice! Way to stick it to the travelocity-man. Carpe the awesome, dude!

JoeyJaroz (author)2008-08-26

AWWWWW, i just went on a cruise, i wish i had read this instructable first :(

lupinesoul (author)2008-07-18

Almost as good as how to escape America...

SoundMan (author)2008-06-09

very amusing Instructable man! thoroughly enjoyed it, I live by the saying carpe scrotum - grab life by the balls!!

jongscx (author)SoundMan2008-06-11

Carpe Diem via Scrotum?

SoundMan (author)jongscx2008-06-12

that would be "sieze the day through balls" doesnt have quite the same ring to it hahaha

DeusXMachina (author)SoundMan2008-06-12

"Carpete pillae dierum" would be sieze the day's balls "Carpe vita ab pilis" would be grab life by the balls Take your pick, no one will understand you anyways :-P

jongscx (author)DeusXMachina2008-06-13

I was asleep when they taught us that... Mostly I stick with phrases that involve "El ano del caballo" (the year of the horse...)

roar77uk (author)jongscx2008-06-13

So how would one phrase "Grab your balls all day?"

jongscx (author)roar77uk2008-06-13

"Abgray ouryay allsbay allay ayday!"

Aburame Shino (author)jongscx2008-07-09

Abgray ouryay allsbay allyay ayday is the correct ayway. When a word starts with a vowel, you add -yay, not -ay. ; Or so I've heard.

jongscx (author)Aburame Shino2008-07-09

we must be from different provinces of Pig Rome....

Aburame Shino (author)jongscx2008-07-10

Mhm. I'm from the Southern province known as Kentuckius.

smithy813 (author)jongscx2008-06-13

somehow i think your bluffing

SoundMan (author)smithy8132008-06-14

surely you guys realised i was joking yea? i havent a clue what grab life by the balls would be in latin, i was just taking the piss!

roar77uk (author)SoundMan2008-06-14

Ok, yeah, I got that... ...but now i need to know how would I say "Grabbing my balls whilst taking a piss"? (I think we're departing from the theme of the instructable somewhat)

Gage987 (author)roar77uk2008-06-17

you are way off topic and funny

smithy813 (author)Gage9872008-06-17

it's possible

gormly (author)SoundMan2008-06-28

seize balls?.. no thanks.

senga (author)2008-07-07

ROFL tx for the great instructable !

Thank you to everyone who voted, will be voting, is thinking about voting, and/or has voted for other people's instructables, but still looks at this one fondly. You guys all rock! Instruct on....

mail (author)2008-07-07

this is so cool i once made the mistake of going on one of these cruises and i really wish i had this guide though it wasn't a total loss, i got to go zip lining.

bmxer (author)2008-07-02

Very unique instructable

theknight (author)2008-06-27

I need to go on a cruise...

Lithium Rain (author)2008-06-23

Seeing ruins? Climb them. Going hiking? Outlast the pack. See some slighty vertical rocks? You get my drift. You'll be surprised what you see and how much you'll hate yourself if you don't.

You're a man after my own heart! 5/5 stars

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Bio: Mom, author, artist, spy. Also available in twitter form: @kmcriddle
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