Turning a Cruise Full of Old People into a Death Defying Adventure

It's pretty much a given that most cruises are intended for old people. Nothing against the elderly, of course, but the pre-packaged sub-par entertainment, all you can eat buffets, hand held "tours" of the surrounding area, high touristy prices...all of that doesn't really scream "adventure" to me. Relaxation, maybe, but relaxing is also for old people and there'll be plenty of time to do that when you're dead.

Even so, only an idiot would pass up a free* cruise when offered, so if you're young**, fun and fancy free*** and aching for a raucous time, we have five easy steps to transform a slow paced trip on a giant boat full of masseuses and people who need them into a DEATH DEFYING ADVENTURE.

In the immortal words of former Gov. Jesse Ventura, sometimes you gotta defy death in order to enjoy life.

Let us begin.

*even if the cruise is not free, but just a really good deal, I still suggest you take it.
** or young at heart (tm)
*** that came out a lot fruitier than I meant it to

Step 1: ONE: Every traveler needs a good companion and/or hat

Much like a good interstellar space traveler is nothing without his towel (see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) a good cruiser is nothing without a like-minded companion or a decent hat. Lucky is the man who has both. Keeps the scenery fresh (companion), keeps the sun out (hat) keep the jokes coming (good companion or a really stupid hat).

Comments

[ilpug]

nice. thats all i can say. nice.

[chewy3939]

I'd rate that a 5.12- ish

[elite14]

How about get a master chief costume and go around and do the stuff?!?!?! That would be freekin unbelievable and awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rock Soldier]

But how many people would know who you were?

[red-king]

 why does that matter? =P

[d2j5]

umm not great when you freakout the old people and the chase you lol

[DrFjormonger]

You could always just wear a tux and pretend to be Sean Connery...

"Bond. James Bond."

[chicopluma]

maybe someone that everybody knows like a death reaper
death reaper- excuse me, can you give me a soda, it's a little hot in this suit
old man- $&/?(% the death!!!

[Rock Soldier]

As long as house of the dead works, I'm happy. (And it's not gross. I been playing since I was about three, and never once threw up.)

[handyhippie65]

dude, you rock! now, pardon me while i go carpe de cheese tostie.mmm...metly cheese!

[sumlittlepunk]

lol congratulations! you two are cute..i expect an instructable for putting together a death defying wedding.

[Derin]

Lol at galaxy guide reference.

[qxjones]

I have tears in my eyes. Too funny! Thanks!

[Cereleste]

Also, if fishing comes up, always remember to: Carpe carp. (gotta love get fuzzy)

[fearme36]

omg i think i was on that same ship! jk the odds are like 1 in a billlion. but i did go on the grand princess once. very nice instuctable. i'll be sure do defy death the next time i go on a cruise.

[woofboy111]

It just so happens that I booked a cruise on the Carnival Sensation going to the Bahamas next week. The Bahamas don't thrill me too much, but I'll be sure to have some death-defying experiences there while the elderly that are coming along that got me the senior discount on the cruise will be sitting on the boat all day playing Bingo... But really, I think my death-defying experience already started. The only rooms left were way down in the windowless bowels of the ship, next to the engines and sewage treatment plants. The lady at Travelocity told me I really shouldn't get those rooms, but I did it anyway! HA!

[RaNDoMLeiGH]

next time book your cruise to the bahamas for September. You'll be much more impressed by your opportunities to defy death... and hurricanes!

[duckythescientist]

I've been on that same ship to the Bahamas!! I hope you successfully defied death.

[iwasthinkingaboutsoup]

Nice! Way to stick it to the travelocity-man. Carpe the awesome, dude!

[JoeyJaroz]

AWWWWW, i just went on a cruise, i wish i had read this instructable first :(

[lupinesoul]

Almost as good as how to escape America...

[senga]

ROFL tx for the great instructable !

[iwasthinkingaboutsoup]

Thank you to everyone who voted, will be voting, is thinking about voting, and/or has voted for other people's instructables, but still looks at this one fondly. You guys all rock! Instruct on....

[mail]

this is so cool i once made the mistake of going on one of these cruises and i really wish i had this guide though it wasn't a total loss, i got to go zip lining.

[bmxer]

Very unique instructable

[SoundMan]

very amusing Instructable man! thoroughly enjoyed it, I live by the saying carpe scrotum - grab life by the balls!!

[gormly]

seize balls?.. no thanks.

[jongscx]

Carpe Diem via Scrotum?

[SoundMan]

that would be "sieze the day through balls" doesnt have quite the same ring to it hahaha

[DeusXMachina]

"Carpete pillae dierum" would be sieze the day's balls "Carpe vita ab pilis" would be grab life by the balls Take your pick, no one will understand you anyways :-P

[jongscx]

I was asleep when they taught us that... Mostly I stick with phrases that involve "El ano del caballo" (the year of the horse...)

[roar77uk]

So how would one phrase "Grab your balls all day?"

[jongscx]

"Abgray ouryay allsbay allay ayday!"

[Aburame Shino]

Abgray ouryay allsbay allyay ayday is the correct ayway. When a word starts with a vowel, you add -yay, not -ay. ; Or so I've heard.

[jongscx]

we must be from different provinces of Pig Rome....

[Aburame Shino]

Mhm. I'm from the Southern province known as Kentuckius.

[smithy813]

somehow i think your bluffing

[SoundMan]

surely you guys realised i was joking yea? i havent a clue what grab life by the balls would be in latin, i was just taking the piss!

[roar77uk]

Ok, yeah, I got that... ...but now i need to know how would I say "Grabbing my balls whilst taking a piss"? (I think we're departing from the theme of the instructable somewhat)

[Gage987]

you are way off topic and funny