Many thanks to randofo and his twittering office chair from which some, or almost all, of this was based.
Or if you just want to see the tweets, go here:
note: this is for April Fools Day. After that, moving on from toilets!
Step 1: What's to report?
The other information that we can get is from the toilet paper usage. Available data from here is the # of times it was used in a session and the total # of squares used in a session. From this we can get a pretty good idea of what happened.
All right, so how to get the data? Magnets, baby.