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Twix Santorum

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(and 3 other US presidential primary 2012 themed snacks)

Having a few friends over to watch the gripping TV coverage of this year's presidential primaries? And honestly, who isn't? You need some political party snacks!

Whichever nominee you're backing, we've got the perfect snack for you. Read on for full recipes for:
  • Twix Santorum
  • Mitt Hominy (a.k.a. Grit Romney)
  • Fig Newt Gingriches
  • Prawn Pauls
Author's note: It has been suggested that these recipes were designed to somehow poke fun at the fine patriots who are companionably wrestling for control of the Republican Party. Nothing could be further from the truth; this Instructable is a fond tribute rather than an attack. Believe me, the last thing I would want to do is accidentally smear Santorum where all the internet can see. I'm sure there are other sites for that.
 
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Step 1: Twix Santorum

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A guilty pleasure, this white and brown sludgy mess might not look appetizing, but it is surprisingly addictive. Imagine s'mores, with added caramel. Mmmm...

Because this recipe uses Twix chocolate bars, you can easily adjust the size of your snack: You can choose how many fingers you want to put in, depending on how full you're feeling. If it's your first time and you're not sure you'll like it, I recommend just using half a finger.

Ingredients:
  • Twix chocolate bars
  • Marshmallow fluff
  • Chocolate Graham crackers

Step 2:

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Start by laying out your Graham crackers on a microwave-proof plate. Spread a thin layer of marshmallow fluff over each cracker. Don't go overboard; you only need enough to glue your Twix bits to your crackers. Remember: too much fluff can make your biscuit hard to eat.

Step 3:

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Carefully position your fingers. Cut some grooves in them so that all the gooey goodness can leak out.

Now top your candy with a little more fluff.

Step 4:

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Microwave your Twixes Santorum for 30 seconds on full blast, then remove them while they're still swollen and gooey.

Note: The plate and its contents will be hot, so be careful when extracting it from the microwave. Weirdly, the official version of this recipe demands that you do not use an oven glove, even if you're doing it in the privacy of your own home. Yes, using a glove would be safer and a lot less messy, but it would also be wrong. Why? Because that's what the recipe book says. At least, according to certain interpretations, it says that. The book's changed quite a lot over the years.

Step 5:

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Now for the fun part! Take a fork and whip up the surface of your snacks until you have a frothy mixture of marshmallow and Twixal matter. Mmmm... streaky...

Serve up your snacks while they're still warm and squishy!

Step 6: Mitt Hominy (a.k.a. Grit Romney)

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This dish is utterly bland, so you can change its flavor to please almost any crowd. In fact, it's the lack of any real flavor that makes it so appealing!

Ingredients:
  • 4 cups of water (or milk, if you're making sweet grits)
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 2 tbsp butter
  • 1 cup of grits
  • Accompaniments (e.g. sausage, bacon, egg, fruit, honey, etc.)

Step 7:

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In a medium saucepan, bring the water, butter and salt to a gentle boil. Add the grits bit by bit, stirring or whisking as you go.

Step 8:

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Keep the mixture on a low heat for 20-25 minutes, until you've achieved the desired consistency, then serve up with whatever other ingredients you've chosen. Yum.

Note: For Mitt Hominy, consistency is not as important as you might think.

Step 9: Fig Newt Gingriches

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These pale, doughy treats are a new take on the classic Fig Newton recipe. Sure, they might look physically unappealing, but each Fig Newt Gingrich's misshapen exterior contains a deliciously sweet and chewy center.

For a non-vegetarian option, try substituting the figs with actual newts! I haven't tried it, but what's the worst that could happen?

Ingredients:

For the dough:
  • 4 oz butter
  • 125 g sugar
  • zest of 1 orange and 1 lemon
  • 1 egg white
  • 200g white flour
For the center:
  • 15-20 dried figs
  • 1 cup of apple juice
  • 1 cup of pomegranate juice
  • 1/2 cup of water
  • 50g sugar

Step 10:

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Soften the butter slightly in a microwave, then whisk in the sugar to form a creamy paste. Add the egg white, fruit zest and beat until smooth. Next, sift in the flour and mix thoroughly until you have a consistently squidgy dough.

You'll find this easier with a food processor, but it can also be done by hand using a fork and some elbow grease.

The dough will need chilling before you can roll it out, so wrap it in cling film and put it in the refrigerator for at least two hours.

Step 11:

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Now that the dough's chilling, you can make the filling.

Roughly chop up the figs, removing any tough stalks as you go.

In a heavy saucepan, stir together the figs, juices, sugar and water.

Bring to the boil, then simmer for at least 90 minutes, until the figs have fallen apart and you're left with a pan full of figgy jam.

Step 12:

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Once the dough is firm and the jam is cool, roll the dough out as thinly as possible onto a floured surface. Try to form it into a rectangle.

Now lay out three strips of jam on top of the dough; these will form the centers of your Fig Newt Gingriches. Work as quickly as possible, as the dough will become much less manageable as it warms up.

Slice the dough into three equal strips, then fold it around the jam to make three long rolls of jam-filled dough. Chop these into smaller pieces and lay them out on a greased baking sheet.

Don't place them too near the edge, or they might try to sneak over the sheet's border while you're not looking.

Step 13:

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Bake at 350°F (121°C) for about 15 minutes, until the Gingriches are puffy, but not too browned. Let them cool before serving. These taste even better a day or two after you've cooked them.

Step 14: Prawn Pauls

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These wrinkly little snacks don't quite fit in with the other, more mainstream snacks but they're still absolutely delicious. Perhaps try serving them at your next tea party?

Ingredients:
  • 500g pre-cooked prawns (shells off)
  • 1/2 white onion
  • 2 stalks celery (leaves still on)
  • 1 handful of fresh cilantro
  • 2tbsp mirin
  • 1 tbsp soy sauce
  • 1tsp salt
  • 1 egg
  • Cornstarch
  • 1L canola oil

Step 15:

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Start by dicing all of the prawns, onion, celery and cilantro and mixing them together in a large bowl.

Add the egg, mirin, soy sauce and salt, then mix again. 

Step 16:

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Now gradually add cornstarch until the mixture is sticky enough to form into balls. Form the sticky mixture into balls.

Heat up the canola oil until a little bit of the mixture will immediately sizzle and pop when dropped into it. Carefully lower the balls into the hot oil, a few at a time. When browned, remove with a slotted spoon and let cool on a sheet of kitchen towel.

Serve up with hot sauce and minimal federal intervention!

Step 17: All together now!

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Let me know how they all turn out!
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Hahaha
This is, without a doubt, the funniest part of the ible. "The book's changed quite a lot over the years." Too bloody funny.
Thats Awesome! good job
randofo3 years ago
If i had to pick only one of the above candidates, which one would you recommend?
PenfoldPlant (author)  randofo3 years ago
I would recommend going to a different party entirely.
Right on.

Vote Libertarian.
Definitely Ron Paul.
"If it's your first time and you're not sure you'll like it, I recommend just using half a finger."

Genius!!!
tellner3 years ago
Looks good. Or disgusting. Or disgusting in a good way.
But it needs to be .... frothier.
jussikoria3 years ago
Check out our tweet! https://twitter.com/#!/mymondayclub
Cheers!
benwade3 years ago
Mmmmm...So frothy and lubricious. Just like Santorum himself.
Love it!!
jerbear19783 years ago
Ron Paul 2012!!! It's my liberty and I want it now!! Cool cookie ideas!!
sockless3 years ago
I must say that Twix Santorum is disgusting, I see where you got the idea from. However, good work on getting it into Instructables

But you sir, are disgusting, but clever, I would recommend something less gross for you next 'ible.
I think lbrewer has a good idea, make another one called 'O-bacon' for Obama, and make it a kind of bacon wrap.

I can't believe the amount of people in the comments making insults or saying negative things about the author for making snacks based on Republican candidates. The fact that someone bakes a cookie with your face on it is neither a compliment nor an insult. My Mom used to bake cookies shaped like Santa Claus on Christmas, and shaped like St. Patrick on St. Patricks day, does this mean we should be living in fear of threats from the I.R.A because these cookies she baked didn't look EXACTLY like St. Patrick?

What is it that people find so offensive about these cookies? Are they saying anything negative about these political candidates at all? These are just puns on their names really, 'Fig Newton' becomes 'Fig Newton Gingrich', and instead of 'Ron Paul' it's 'Prawn Paul'. It's not like these cookies are inedible or even unappealing, so why should anyone take offence?
Real newts are toxic. The amphibians I mean...
Kinnishian3 years ago
^_^! I like it
Well Done, especially the shrimps. I made the mistake of looking at your pictures, on an empty stomach. They look sehr tasty. (I flunked two years of German in comm. College. Thanks for the recipes and the humor.
Spokehedz3 years ago
Brilliant.
Makedo3 years ago
Lets see if you can come up with a snack for the left side of the plate with out it falling off the edge. Like a nut bar for the X speaker of the house have it filled with something no can figure out right away. You have to try it to find what it is.
Lindie3 years ago
Very funny and clever!
lbrewer423 years ago
Its a good thing there is no O-Bacan listed - the ham in it would rot everything else.

Now, I'm not saying the above food represents personalities who are the cream of the crop either (pun intended), but at least it would be a tasty meal rather than inducing a case of rot gut in U.S..

wold6303 years ago
I like the idea and flavors of your twin Santorum, however, I can't seem to get Jon Stewart out of my head pointing out the meaning of santorum - or is that what you were going for???
PenfoldPlant (author)  wold6303 years ago
I'm not familiar with Jon Stewart's work, so I'm afraid I don't know what you mean. Are you suggesting there's another definition?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Campaign_for_%22santorum%22_neologism

I found this hilarious.
wold630 Ijsbeer3 years ago
I know! That is exactly what I am talking about.....some of the slang dictionaries have even picked it up not even referring to the man himself! Too funny!
Ijsbeer wold6303 years ago
Not that I was having a bad day or anything, but this made my day when I found out. ;)
I was hoping you wouldn't ask. Just google santorum and see what comes up - other than anything political or about the man himself!
lol... Jon Stewart is a RiOt!!!!! ;-D
noahw3 years ago
Oliver! This is very good. I'm partial to the Fig Newt Gingriches myself, as I think they really capture something spiritual about his creepy face melt. I'd like to nominate the snack versions of these Republicans for President 2012.
Ijsbeer noahw3 years ago
They'd certainly do a better job of presidency than any of the actual Republican candidates.
danny61143 years ago
Great job! I think the Santorum would be tasty s'more or less, forgetting of course the associations.
NaTeB13 years ago
+_+ Best Instructable ever! Thanks for the Sunday morning laugh riot. Don't know which one is my favorite but Prawn Pauls nearly killed me laughing.

WALKEREN3 years ago
So BRILLIANT! And cheeky...you little monkey!
Oliver is back. Good job.
bajablue3 years ago
3 out of 4 are finger foods... I don't think Scooch should refuse you!

http://www.instructables.com/id/Scoochmaroo-Challenge-Finger-Foods/
PenfoldPlant (author)  bajablue3 years ago
Good point, bajablue! I've added them to the contest pool. Cheers!
bajablue3 years ago
lol... I can certainly see the pudgy, pasty newtish resemblence! ;-)
pantalone3 years ago
This was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!
canida3 years ago
Fabulous. :D
(Do you have any of these left over?)
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