Introduction: Vampire Hunting for Beginners
A step by step guide to hunting and destroying the undead lords of the night.
Step 1: Vampires
Vampires are bloodthirsty and cruel undead creatures who prey on the blood of the living.
They will suck blood out of the veins in your neck, kill your beloved, and generally make a mess of things with your blood all over the nice carpet.
And thus we need to hunt them down with extreme prejudices to ensure our own survival, and for fun and possibly profit.
This instructable will guide you through the basics of vampire hunting and before you know it you'll be able to bag yourself a bloodsucker just like buffy the vampire slayer or any other of those beautiful feminine slayers.
Step 2: Stakes Not Steaks Damnit!
The most important vampire killing tool is the humble stake.
A stake, (not to be confused with a steak) is a piece of sharpened wood that must be driven through a vampire's unbeating black heart in order to kill it.
see the pictures below for more information of the right kind of stake for the job.
Step 3: Garlic Is a Girl's Best Freind...
Garlic is very powerful for repelling vampires (and anything else with a nose), and so is the pinnacle of importance for aspiring vampire slayers.
You may want to try tanking up on garlic filled food before setting off, try for example a nice garlic studded pot roast or dab a few drops of eau de garlic on your tasty exposed neck.
Either way- take at least a few bulbs with you on any hunt unless you want to end up as vampire food.
Step 4: And Rinse!
As we all know from countless horror flicks, holy water goes through vampire flesh like beans through a goose, and thats what makes it so useful.
Throwing holy water on a vampire is the equivalent of chucking mr yuck on a kitten, not a pretty sight.
Nuff said, you can get this stuff from churches and apparently conveniently bottled on the internet.
Step 5: Crucifixes
Ah, the humble crucifix- who would have thought that a pair of sticks held together or a heavy wooden cross would have such excellent effects on the children of the night.
Don't bother trying silver on a vampire thats werewolves everybody! Slaying werewolves is a whole different thing and is the basis for a whole other instructable.
Step 6: Vamp or Goth?
The greatest danger in vampire hunting is that your target turns out to actually be just a quiet man with greasy hair and bad teeth who works a night shift.
Jumping and impaling such a man will result in imprisonment in most nations, believing someone to be a vampire is not a good excuse in court.
A good test is to leave a mirror in a place where you will see his reflection as he walks past it on one of his jaunts to find the juicy necks of young, blonde haired maidens.
Be sure that he is actually a vampire before you pounce.
Step 7: ''Our House, in the Midddle of Our Street...''
Never forget that your house is a safe refuge from the undead, unless of course you invite him in or you live in a free house or squat.
Although you are safe as long as you stay in your house, it is worth taking precautions such as putting garlic around door and window frames and not holding invite your friends parties.
If the fiendish dead find loopholes or trick you into inviting them in for a nice hot mug of borovan and a bit of chitchat then don't worry- you can always become a nun or monk.
Step 8: Your All Set to Go...
After reading this instructable you are all set to go and bag yourselves vamps at your leisure.
Please exercise a bit of caution in your hunting and never forget that there are many more creatures reserved for other instructables and not al of them are so esaily dispatched...
Step 9: Legal Gubbins
Some of the steps in this instructable may lead to injury or death, and are intended for comic purposes only, such as putting cleaners on cats (see step 4) or placing crucifixes in tins of raisins (see step 5).
I accept no responsibility for the consequences and/or results of any persons actions and in no way endorse the stabbing of pale, black haired individuals who have a morbid obsession with blood and death. This includes My Chemical Romance fans.
Keep your wits about you and exercise a bit of common sense and you'll be fine.
Thanks for reading my first instructable!