White Trash Kombucha





Introduction: White Trash Kombucha

Are you ready to enjoy the bounteous health benefits offered by kombucha, but are unwilling to put in any effort? Are you repelled by most homebrewed kombucha's lack of preservatives and consumerism? Do you yearn to produce kombucha from something that came out of a plastic jug?

Dear sir or madam, the answer to all these problems (and more!), lies within a kombucha fermented from that Crucial-Unit-endorsed elixir of life, Turkey Hill Lemon Iced Tea.

Step 1: Ingredients

Many kombucha recipes require purchasing expensive, exotic teas, ones that do not come in can or bottle form, but in a mysterious and perhaps unscrupulous "leaf" form. Once procured, these tea "leaves" must be brewed for precise amounts of time, in precise amounts of water -- without precision time and volume measurement equipment, the results could indeed be disastrous. Furthermore, some recipes require measured amounts of a mysterious "brown" sugar, not often sold at your neighborhood convenience store.

But, gentlereaders, there is a better way! With this method, no measurement is required, nor any complex and time-consuming preparatory procedures. No, friends, all that is required is a bottle of good Cold Fashioned Turkey Hill Iced Tea! The kind grandma used to make, only out of a plastic jug. This method will require a kombucha creature, however, these may be purchased on the black market in almost any corner of the world.

Step 2: Preparation

Much like a fine vintage box of wine, it is highly suggested that you allow your Turkey Hill to breathe for at least 1/2 hour prior to preparation, or until it achieves room temperature. That being said, you can pull it straight out of the fridge and it'll probably work fine.

Now, simply decant your fine beverage (2007 was a good year) into a modest receptacle, which is acceptable for brewing. A medium to large sized jar will work fine.

Step 3: Ferment

Place your illicitly-acquired kombucha creature atop the sparkling beverage. Cover with a clean cloth or paper towel, and allow to age, much like a fine bourbon, for a week. The results will be shockingly delicious.

Kombucha can also be brewed from, I hate to admit, Lipton Brisk. That's brisk baby!



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    34 Discussions

    I take serious exception to the term "White Trash." It's one of the last open vestiges of Classicism in America. Not racism in the classic sense. It's not based on skin color but rather on economic status.

    I assure you that as a Southerner there are large stretches of civilzation where banjos are not played, houses are kept clean, cars have all of their tires and the only problems occur from outsiders who think it's fun to say such things.

    I dare say you'd never dare say something about a food being a minority trademark.

    Kool-Aid is Kool-Aid. It's not Ghetto Kool-Aid. People do say that, when they want to make a slap towards poor African-Americans and not seem too racist.

    Get the point?

    3 replies

    Wow. I am offended by your rant. I am white trash by choice. No offense to me by using the term.

    Right on cherittfn..We really should lighten up. There are cook books out with this title. It's a tongue in cheek term called HUMOR! Good grief, we all need to get off the righteous patrol and enjoy a little chuckle now and then. I think the title is very appropo and eyecatching! VBG!

    You can make your own Kombucha baby via the store, also. Hit up your local Whole Foods, Vitamin Cottage, whatever the local health food store calls itself, and buy one (1) bottle of "organic, unfiltered, raw" whatever term they use of Kombucha liquid. DON'T DRINK IT! Pour it into whatever tea you have, cover it, ignore it, and you will have a baby in about 2 weeks. It will be thin, flimsy and look kinda . . . slimey. FEAR NOT! Pull it out, save some liquid to innoculate the next batch, and pour the old tea out. Start it fresh, add the baby and the innoculant and let it grow. You will have a mother in about a month. For (mostly) freebies! (Because we don't have any suspicious corners or craigslist out here in boonie-land.)

    You're hilarious and I love this idea! My first EVER batch of Kombucha will hopefully be done tonight, but I'm sad that I wasn't able to find any Turkey Hill iced tea (maybe they don't have it here in california). I had to use that weird kind of tea that comes in bags where you can actually see the leaves! Like, gross!

    I saw a kombucha culture/creature/mushroom/mother/whatever you want to call it, for sale on etsy.com. Etsy also has some kombucha kits but I don't know anything about any of it so you'll want to read all about what's included. Just go to etsy.com and type in "kombucha". =)

    So check THIS out... http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/kombucha-tea/AN01658

    Some people call it a culture. Some people call it a mother. I find it neither cultured, nor motherly, so I call mine a creature. Try craigslist or freecycle, you can probably find one on there. They replicate themselves every brewing cycle, so there are probably people out there willing to get rid of them.

    Yay. So, its the same thing as in the other kombucha instructable. only this seems easier.

    voted the #7 grossest drink on cracked.com<br/><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.cracked.com/article_17174_p2.html">http://www.cracked.com/article_17174_p2.html</a><br/>

    hey there y'all do yous guys know that brown sugar is just white sugar w/molasass mixed in??

    I wasn't aware that Crucial-Unit were partial to that brand. hay_jumper, the first time I tasted kombucha I thought it tasted like the bottom of a produce dumpster. It's an acquired taste.

    1 reply

    Oh yeah man. They specifically reference it in the lyrics of Communitea! ... and it still tastes like the bottom of a produce dumpster! :-)

    i've learnt that any citrus/tea combination mixed with Kombucha will destroy the properties therein... so lemon tea i don't think is a good idea, might taste nice and be a quick method,but apart from that i'm not sure... am i right? or am i talking nonsense?