right now my biggest problem is motivation........or rather not motivation but motion....or lack there of. :(

I was doing good till I ran out of batteries for the camera...I learned the hard way that regular(non rechargeable)batteries just do not last in a digital camera....so I bought rechargable batteries & now that they are all charged & ready to work, I'm finding it hard to get off my lazy butt & finish whst I started.... 8(
Times like this makes me hate my life....

you have no idea how badly I want to do this, but for those of us diagnosed with depression, every little task cab be a major undertaking....and not just every now & then but daily...some times hourly....and some times still, moment by moment is like trying to walk in a class 5 hurricane....1 step forward & 20 - 30 steps back...


I really try not to show it, but every day for me is a struggle....that is why I will never be able to live alone...this depression has driven me to several suicide attempts, and I know that it's best for me to never live alone...

I believe that Allah(swt) has plans for me(that can be the ONLY reason why I'm still here), so I must do my best to keep him near & do my best to stay focused on his will not mine(easier said than done).

right now, I am being pushed in a closet (figuratively speaking) & my computer is shoved in there with me...I come from an abusive family(emotionally & psychologically abusive...not physically) so it's hard for me to stand up for myself...especially since from day 1 you have had it pounded in your head that you are nothing but white trash... 8=(

I mean, I know that I'm not white trash because my pharmacist asked me out on a date... and it did not seem to matter that I'm just a lonely old poor boy from the wrong side f the tracks...it did not seem to matter. 8)

I'm sorry, I'm babbling again,,,,8(

Anyway, TY for asking & TY for the encouragement to get off my butt & get moving on this Ible. I know I'm not the most exciting guy around, but I can only hope I didn't bore you to tears...

James

(removed by author or community request)

my favorite food...hmmm, I have to think....
I love tapioca pudding, bread pudding, most anything oriental...

Because of my health being as bad as it is, I have not eaten "normal" food in like 11 years....I have been existing on this liquid nutrition called Nutrin; it's like the "BOOST" or "ENSURE" that you can find at walmart.

I used to eat pasta by the ton...5 & 6 days a week I would be found eating pasta...breakfast, lunch, or dinner, it did not matter. I would eat it smothered in butter with Italian seasoning sprinkled accross the top....

trying to think what else I used to eat....I was a regular health nut...

to me exercise was a 60 mile bicycle ride usually followed by a 5 mile run...

Then I got cancer in 2000 & my life has been going downhill ever since. :(


I'm quite sure that whatever you cook, it's gonna be fantastic! :) I have a lot of faith in you Sir. You're a great man with a great heart. :)

you just made my millennium!!!!! :)