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Ever been bullied? Answered

So I'm in high school and I'm fresh. And I am being bullied by kids. And I wonder have this happen to you before? And how did you handle it?

Discussions

Comments from a teacher:

1. Report it. Every time. If it's in class, tell the teacher straight away. Do it quietly if you want, or just brazen it out and politely interrupt the teacher - Excuse me, Mr Smith...

1a. If you can't bring yourself to tell a teacher, try asking a classroom assistant or a friend to talk to the staff with you or for you.

1b. Tell somebody at home. Even if you don't want them to get involved, they need to know you're not happy, and why.

2. Document it. If it continues after being reported, keep a note in your diary or planner of what they do, where and when. After a few days, take that to somebody more senior than the last time you reported it. Again, be polite - I'm afraid Mr Smith hasn't been able to stop this happening...

3. Do not retaliate. Hard, I know, but if you react to their actions, they will continue. If you fight back, especially if you raise a gang of some sort, there is a very real risk that you will be the one in trouble.

4. Don't give up. If none of 1-3 work, take it up the chain of command - Deputy Head, Head, Governors. Get your parents to write a letter (not an email) to somebody senior at school to enquire why the bullying has not been resolved.

When I was at school, I was bullied. It affected me badly, but I didn't tell anybody, until a teacher caught the bully at it. The teacher offered to hold the bully still while I hit him (!). That particular bully stopped when a girl hit him in the head with her stiletto heel, and it stuck...

Now, as a teacher with extra pastoral duties, I still have a problem with bullies, because they are more subtle than some people realise, and thus hard to catch. I often have to get victim and bully together to talk about "appropriate behaviour" (we're not allowed to hold them down any more).

Basically, you are not alone as a victim of bullying. Chin up, there are lots of people who can be on your side.

. Excellent answer. . > with extra pastoral duties . ROFLMAO When I read that, my first thought was that you, probably the most outspoken atheist on the site, had taken up preaching. Took a second to make the shepherd connection.

LOL!

I got promoted, I'm now Acting Year 7 Coordinator - I'm now management, but with responsibility for pupils well-being and discipline, a roll referred to as "pastoral" in UK education.

It doesn't sound so religious over here, since few churches have pastors - they tend to be priests, ministers or vicars. In the military, they're padres.

Actually, "pastor" is associated (over here) with the particular kind of sleazy faker you get on televangelism channels, rather than somebody who genuinely cares for their flock.

. Congratulations! Do you still get to teach? You seem so passionate about teaching that I can't imagine you giving it up. . . OMG! Pastor is commonly used as the title for just about any clergy here in the Southern US, regardless of religion (not formally, of course, but in everyday talk). I've even heard Rabbis referred to as Pastor So-And-So. Don't know if I'll be able to keep from laughing out loud next time I hear it.

Oh, I still teach, six different classes, but I have to run my lessons differently now, just in case I get called out to deal with "the usual suspects". It also means I get the "pleasure" of phoning more parents to inform them that their sweet little child just flattened another kid who looked at them funny.

. The teacher/parent conversation was a bit different when I was in school.
T: We had to paddle your son at school today. (notice the past tense)
P: What did he do this time?
T: <you name it, I probably did it>
P: Thank you. His Father and I will make sure it never happens again.
...
P: Nacho! Go get me a switch.

There have been times recently when I have deliberately lied to parents to save the child a full-on beating. I used to get annoyed at kids' behaviour, then i started having more contact with the parents. I am not a violent man, but there are times...

. I got plenty of spankings, but was never abused. I was one of those kids that the only way to connect to my brain was through my butt. . Not too many things get me really upset, but ppl who abuse kids (or animals) is one of them. I'd probably get myself in trouble if dealing with an abusive parent.

haha, whatever you do don't do something first, don't throw the first punch whatever, that way you won't get into as much trouble. I'd get is to just hold your ground? I don't know, I've never really been bullied (lucky me, haha). I guess just verbally abuse them back? But they have to be good, replaceing "you" with "you" is pitiful (for example you're stupid. Nooo, your stupid. Lolz)

Speaking as a teacher, I'd advise; never do it second.

The first thrown pencil alerts our peripheral vision - when the second one is thrown, we're ready to catch the thrower.

I've been bullied once...and I never let it happen again.

I was a freshman, hanging out with a couple of my friends, and a few (much) bigger kids came up and started pushing us around, insulting us, etc. Luckily another girl who seemed to know them came up and started cursing at them and they left. That's when I realized what babies most bullies are, and how far a little self confidence will get you.

Respect is your final goal, so the biggest thing you can do for yourself is not letting on that you're scared. A bully wants an easy target, so if you show them that you're not one, they'll move on. Telling on them will not send that point across.

Next time they come up to you, don't be afraid to curse, as it definitely intimidate them. When they start pushing you around, push back; you're not their punching bag. If push comes to shove and they start to punch, you need to be sure about two things:

  • You know how to punch
  • You can tell whatever adult breaks it up that you had no choice: you were cornered, couldn't run, etc

School fights rarely last long, so if you return a single effective punch, they should get the point that you're not to be messed with. The reason that the word "return" is in italics, is that you should never throw the first punch at school. Then you get all the blame. That being said, don't look for a fight, avoid them if you can, but be ready if you have to.

. Pushing/hitting back can be effective in certain situations, but be prepared for dire consequences if it doesn't work. Usually not worth the risk in my book. . I like the last paragraph, especially the last sentence. Sometimes you have no choice but to fight back - be prepared.

. Very true. As you and others have pointed out, bullies are looking for easy targets. Guess I should have mentioned that you explained that well in my "critique." ;)

Oh, and realize that if you look like you can fight, chances are you won't have to. As soon as they see you're no easy target, they'll move on.

As a junior, I will tell you that if you can last through your freshman year, a lot of it will stop after you become a sophomore. Many upperclassmen will at least pick on freshmen, just because you are all easy targets...usually still unfamiliar with the school, usually doesn't know many people other than other freshman, and you guys are short. (Honestly, there really is a rather large difference in apparent age between freshmen and sophomores, at least at my school.) As Nacho said, verbal bullying you might as well put up with, since there's no physical evidence against the bully unless a teacher overhears it. Violence, on the other hand, should be reported immediately...to a parent, a sibling, or a close friend who will help you feel better about going to a teacher or administration.

One time when I was about 12, these three guys a couple years older than me cornered me a coat-room (not at school) and starting hurling insults and abuse: your hair looks like raggedy-ann, your clothes are ugly, you have buck teeth (that one was quite true, back then), etc. I wanted to hit them, but I just deflected their junk: But I like raggedy-ann. But I like my clothes.

They eventually backed off.

. Define "being bullied."

My brother once gave me a swirly. I'm glad he's much nicer to me now.

. Being hit: report to authorities. Absolutely no reason for you to put up with that. . Insults: get over it "Consider the source and ignore it"

I think it happens to all of us sooner or later. But don't put up with anything physical. Schools are much better about dealing with that sort of things these days. When I was a kid, the response was "What did you do to make him hit you (every day for a week). You must have started it, because those boys never do anything wrong. I know, I go to church with his grandmother."

Verbal bullying should also be dealt with by the school (I do). It is amazing how many minor actions can become effective bullying tactics, given enough time.

"Dirty looks", cold shoulder, spreading rumours, talking over certain individuals, sms, chatrooms, impersonation, I have even encountered websites like "Sign the guest book if you hate..."

Technology has made it very hard to deal with bullying in schools, because it has become so easy to carry it on into cyberspace without revealing your identity.

Frustration!