209Views66Replies

Author Options:

How do I explain to my Significant other, why I should go to Maker Faire in Queens again this year? Answered

Picture of

I mean, when I mentioned it recently, she reacted: 
again?
Why do you need to go, again?


50 Replies

user
jeff-o (author)2011-02-08

From reading through the comments, it seems to me that it isn't really an issue of money, or any other legitimate reason for that matter. It sounds like your wife has some issues that have nothing to do with the Maker Faire specifically. At this point you've got two options; to go or not to go (despite her opinion)

If you go, you'll probably have a great time, be free, and do and see what you like. The twinge of guilt will fade as the day gets awesomer. A feeling of dread will grow as you drive home that night. She'll sit at home and stew all day, having conversations in her mind where she rips you to shreds for leaving her behind, and perhaps call her friends to vent. Expect retribution of some sort.

If you don't go, she'll get her way and will be pleased with herself for a little while. You will resent her a bit for forcing you to stay home, and resent yourself for letting yourself get bullied (since, again, there is no legitimate reason why you shouldn't go).

Maybe one solution would be to call up some of her friends or family, and convince them to take her someplace she'd like so that you can visit the Faire. The key here is that the "alternative activity" is now out of her hands to plan and manage, which may increase the chance of success.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)jeff-o2011-02-08

You are correct in stating that it has nothing to do with "the Faire" itself, she had the same objections when I was going to go (but had to cancel) my trip to the HOPE conference.

Those issues specifically come out this way: 

#1: I'll be alone (although she DOES have friends, and if I take the train this year, she'll also have the car)

#2: what if something happens to her while I am gone (she's had 3 incidences in the past 20+ years of our being together, in everyone of them, I was at work, and she was able to call someone for assistance)

#3: I am doing this on purpose to "get away from her" since I know she doesn't want to come with me. Um, I can't honestly raise an objection to that one, since her not wanting to come, if I forced her (not sure HOW I could do that though), would only make the trip horribly miserable for both of us....

I will have to do what I did last year,  squirrel away a bit of money for myself,  pay for the tickets on line ahead of time,   when I can get them, but this time I need to plan on getting the train up that morning, and back the next day (not to mention finding a place to stay overnight).   I hate to be so "covert" in my dealing with this, but this is the only way she is able to deal with it, without long periods of whining about it.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
jeff-o (author)Goodhart2011-02-08

Would it help at all to go out by yourself on a somewhat more frequent basis? It doesn't have to be for long or cost very much; perhaps a hike in the woods or trip to a park to read a book all afternoon. Just something to get her used to you being away once in a while, where she can't easily contact you, and must fend for herself.

You can tell her exactly where you're going and welcome her to come with you, but always go whether she wants to or not.

And of course, always make sure that you give her equivalent chucks of time to do the same thing herself, so that she can't say that you're being selfish.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)jeff-o2011-02-08

I don't want to sound like I am making excuses, but it is harder for me for a lot of reasons.
#1: although she said I could "go out with the boys" now and then for my own sanity, I don't have a lot of "local" friends (not of my age group anyway)
#2: I work weird hours, so the first half of my Sat is slept in on, the last portion of Sun is needed for sleep
#3: being the type with a "not so much go out and get'r done" attitude when it comes to talking with people (ask Canida, she witnessed my backwardness at the Faire in Queens last year) - oh people I know I can talk to....sometimes, but I don't always come across like I want to.

Problem 2: she hates to drive, so nearly everywhere she goes, I am chauffeur ...

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
bertus52x11 (author)2011-02-06

Tell her "it's stronger than me".
She'll understand (hopefully).

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)bertus52x112011-02-06



Because it's different every time.

Told her this, she doesn't believe me.

Because Making is always new.

Same as above

Because I want to meet my friends in the flesh.

Her response: so when do I get to meet with friends?  (she doesn't want to get out, so her answer doesn't really mean much).

Because there is a very small chance that I will be stomped on by a home-made dragon, and you get to collect on the insurance.

That is probably the only thing that might work (although initially, she'd react with a "oh don't be...silly".) 

If I can connect it to making more income, I may have a MUCH better chance however. . .

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
crapflinger (author)Goodhart2011-02-08

tell her that the ibles admins told you they'd give you a 50% raise if you went.*

*i admin a tech support forum that's free and staffed by vollunteers, you'd be surprised at how much you can get done when you promise a 50% raise to people who make nothing to begin with.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Kiteman (author)Goodhart2011-02-06

So tell her you'll be distributing copies of your resumé...

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)Kiteman2011-02-06

Hmmmm, except she doesn't want me to move/work in NYC.....although that would be an idea if I can find locals up there from here......in my one horse town.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Kiteman (author)Goodhart2011-02-06

Ah, but there'll be potential employers with branches all over the country...

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)Kiteman2011-02-06

We got rid of computer punch cards about 8-9 years ago....that is how far behind some of the businesses are here. :-)

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
PKM (author)Goodhart2011-02-06

Next time she asks you to do the washing up reply: "again? I already did it!". If you were going to see the Grand Canyon, I'd understand the "again?" mentality, but...

(thinks of topical analogy)

You don't just watch the Superbowl once- it's different every year :)

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)PKM2011-02-06

pssst, I don't ever watch the super bowl :-) although she does (one of the few times during the year I can have some time to work on projects.....)

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)PKM2011-02-06

Yeah, she thinks the Faire is more like the local York Fare, games that cheat you out of money, bad for you food, and a few rides and side shows.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
caitlinsdad (author)Goodhart2011-02-06

you might have to rethink that...

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
craftyv (author)2011-02-06

Dear Goodhart. Stop trying to convert an unbeliever, she'll never "get it".Your need/desire to go to the Faire and make Instructables is a part of you and what makes you, you. State what you are doing once and end the fruitless talk it's going nowhere. My very best to you. Craftyv.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)craftyv2011-02-06
user
craftyv (author)Goodhart2011-02-07

Sounds like your already in the doghouse.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)craftyv2011-02-07

I suppose I am in a sense, but I still have a soft place to sleep for now ;-)

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
craftyv (author)Goodhart2011-02-07

My apologies I was far too personal and you are the only one that knows your full circumstances and how you manage it. I know you really want to go to the Faire and i got carried away. My very best wishes.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)craftyv2011-02-07

No need to apologize, I was joshing about also.
I hope I haven't been to "familiar".

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
NachoMahma (author)2011-02-06

. "Because it's one of the few things in Life I get some pleasure from. If my being happy for a few hours displeases you, maybe you need to find another partner."

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)NachoMahma2011-02-06

Her response: If you HAVE to leave me alone for a whole day to be happy, maybe I should just take everything and leave." :-O

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Lithium Rain (author)Goodhart2011-02-06

Yeah, that's straight-up emotional manipulation/abuse. Not reasonable at all.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)Lithium Rain2011-02-06

It only seems to occur on the very few occassions when I want to do something (I gladly invite her, but she doesn't "want" to go anywhere near NYC...and all those "criminals" (her words).

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
caitlinsdad (author)Goodhart2011-02-07
user
Goodhart (author)caitlinsdad2011-02-07

Believe me, she is trying to get a place to move outside the border of the city I now reside in for the same reason. But she wants to rent/buy something for nearly nothing.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
caitlinsdad (author)Goodhart2011-02-07

and give up that fresh Lancastershire aire?

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)caitlinsdad2011-02-07

It wouldn't be much different in the country, maybe a little stronger smelling, but we smell the fields here in town quite a bit during the summer months.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
NachoMahma (author)Goodhart2011-02-06

. "Don't let the door hit you on the donkey."

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)caitlinsdad2011-02-07

It is more than that, she'd leave if I made her independently wealthy :-)

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
NachoMahma (author)Goodhart2011-02-06

. "On your way out, don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya." Ie, don't tarry as you are leaving.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)NachoMahma2011-02-07

But SHE was the one threatening to leave. . . not that she could do that

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)Lithium Rain2011-02-07

She'd actually need some form of income to survive.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Kiteman (author)Goodhart2011-02-06

If she can get her act together to leave you, she can cope for a few hours without you.

If she does leave while you're gone, at least you get your work-space back...

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)Kiteman2011-02-06

*chuckle* Yeah, I can't see her "moving" while I am gone.....last time she went out with friends.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Lithium Rain (author)2011-02-06

* I want to go.
* I'm going.

Honestly, while there's a difference between being apprehensive (reasonably or not) and being controlling, you should have the freedom to do whatever they hey you want. I don't know the ins and outs of your particular situation, so I'm not going to label anything or judge anyone. I'm sure the whole deal is complicated. But if the situation were reversed, and you were actually stopping her from going someplace she truly wanted to go to (and begged to go to) many would probably immediately think "this is abusive". If that's the situation here, if your partner is stopping you from doing something you very much want to do, that is unacceptable.

Unless she is violent, to the extent she is unreasonable/controlling, she has as much power as you give her, for it lies in emotional manipulation. So, declare yourself immune. Go, and don't let her guilt trip you.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)Lithium Rain2011-02-06

Indeed, if she wanted to go somewhere (and there have been times in the past that this happened) I not only had to agree, but also had to drive her there. She hates losing her personal chauffeur for a whole weekend though :-)

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
caitlinsdad (author)2011-02-05

Because the President of the United States says, YES, you CAN. Them ible people need your help manning the booth at the Faire. This is your chance to do your civic duty to get our economy going again by encouraging the spirit and enthusiasm of DIY, go to your home centers, go to your local retailer, shop online, get parts, make, do good for yourself and fellow man...

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)caitlinsdad2011-02-07

Hey, I had forgotten that I helped the guys out last time when they went to see the science center. Got about 12 people interested in the "uses for dead computer" book too.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)caitlinsdad2011-02-06

I tried to explain to her that it is not the "same thing each year" but new and innovative things are displayed from year to year.

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
MichelMoermans (author)2011-02-07

Tell her there will be shoe's :p Girls love shoe's ^^

Or tell her there's a shoestore next to it ;) I actually did that with a friend of mine a while ago. I wanted to check out the electronics shop but she wanted to go home so I told her there was a shoestore next to it. Ofcourse when I say something like that she knows better then to believe it but she decided to humor me ;p

If she doesn't want to come but won't let you go either. Suggest that it would be a nice day for a girlfriends out spa day or something like that. You may have to give your creditcard but it's a small sacrifice for the makers faire isn't it? ;)

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
Goodhart (author)MichelMoermans2011-02-07

I did make the suggestion of her going out "with her friends" but they all were "busy last year" *shrug* I'm not commenting more on that :-)

She doesn't care for shoes, but if there were a Breyer horse shop nearby, she'd be in there all day..... :-)


Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer

user
BrittLiv (author)2011-02-07

Honestly I don't see any reason why she wouldn't let you to go. I can understand that she doesn't want to come, if she's not interested at all, but to forbid you to go and have fun is pretty selfish in my opinion.
Are you sure that the problem is not deeper and has to do with you spending a lot of time on Instructables? Considering the amount of comments you've made, you must spend hours every week on this side....

Select as Best AnswerUndo Best Answer