See attached pictures:
The windless lighter should have the 'standard' connector on it. If it's one of those with what looks like a lighter inside, then you need to replace the lighter.
Do this away from any ignition sources, as it will spray a bit of butane everywhere. I recommend wearing gloves - butane quickly gets sub-zero and can insta-burn you, as well as being explosively flammable (goodbye eyebrows!)
Locate the connector
Get some butane
insert tab a into slot b. Press firmly for ~10 seconds until the container is full of liquid butane. Wait at least a minute before lighting the lighter, or the leaked gas around you might still be concentrated enough to explode.
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add onto frollards answer
make sure when you are filling that you hold everything upside down. so that the lighter is upside down and the butane can is upside down spraying into it. you should know when it's full when you see extra spray comming out from around the fueling nipple
ah yes, if not obvious from picture - its a liquid, and theres no dip-tube on the butane source can. The can has directions and pictures on it as well :D
pictures are good. I like pictures