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I have a Joke Answered

Ok this is the Joke A Catholic engaged couple are in the car and the die just before the wedding and the go to heaven and they are at the pearly gates and see a pastor. they ask him if the can get married in heaven and he says "I'll go check". Four days later he comes back to the couple and hes says yes you can. Then the married couple says "Well 50% of marriages end in devorice. Can we get devoriced in heaven? and then the pastor says. For the love of Pete women it took me for days to find a Preist dfo you know how long It'll take me to find a lawyer!

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KentsOkay (author)2008-02-03

Two parrots were siting on perch. One said to the other "Do you smell fish?"

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Kiteman (author)KentsOkay2008-02-03

> Groans whislt wearing a big eejit grin <

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Kiteman (author)KentsOkay2008-02-03

Oh, I got it all right. It's just a really bad pun (hence the groan), whilst also being very funny (hence the grin).

I won't mention that most of these jokes are significantly older than those posting them

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KentsOkay (author)Kiteman2008-02-03

LOL, I was told it by a NPC (Non-Player Character) in a British-made game (RuneScape), I'm not surprised you've heard it before. You can say the answer in 24 hours LOL.

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The Jamalam (author)KentsOkay2009-04-03
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KentsOkay (author)The Jamalam2009-04-03

no, it's not, jagex is based in britain, cambridge england to be exact
http://jagex.com/corporate/About/today.ws

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beado4ever (author)KentsOkay2008-02-03

Two snowman in a field. One says "Do you smell carrots?"

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Lithium Rain (author)KentsOkay2009-04-03

I must be the world's biggest dummy, but I don't...

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TwistedParadox (author)2009-04-03

Did you know that 6/7 dwarfs aren't happy?

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The Jamalam (author)2009-04-03

you are so stupid, the sign outside your school saying slow children has more than one meaning. LOL

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Labot2001 (author)2008-02-03

here's a joke:

Hilary for President

:]

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xACIDITYx (author)Labot20012008-02-08
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Labot2001 (author)xACIDITYx2008-02-08

lol, why, you like hilary?

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xACIDITYx (author)Labot20012008-02-09

NO! if she is president, i am fleeing the country.

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uguy (author)Labot20012008-02-08

That's not funny, it's scary!

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jessyratfink (author)Labot20012008-02-04

Religions and politics all in the same topic... eek!

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Goodhart (author)2007-09-26

A policeman was on patrol when he came upon a line of cars stopped at a light with horns blasting. The light directing that lane of traffic was green. He pulled out of line and stopped alongside of the first car in line to see what the problem was. The car was driven by an elderly woman. He asked her why she was stopped when the light was green. She said, "Oh, because I'm on my way to my sister's house which is that way." and she pointed to the right. The motorcycle cop said, "Well go ahead! The light is green." The elderly woman responded with, "Yes I know, but the sign under the light says 'RIGHT TURN ON RED."

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Metal4God (author)Goodhart2007-09-26
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Goodhart (author)Metal4God2007-09-26

I guess it depends on how wide one's sense of humor is ;-)

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

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Goodhart (author)nerfer1922008-02-02

Technically, since the story is true, it shows how prejudiced the police can be concerning certain types of crime and neighborhoods, so in a sense, it is disturbing too.

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user

Or maybe it shows that police are willing to leave a cat in a tree for an extra 45 minutes if somebody gets shot?

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Well, it certainly looked like they ignored him when he was the "victim" but when he became the perpetrator, they were "on it". :-)

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But it's not like there wasn't a perpetrator before he "shot" them.

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But it's not like there wasn't a perpetrator before he "shot" them.

Um, saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

The police just didn't want to deal with them.....or maybe they weren't finished with their doughnuts yet ?

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They may have been busy eating donuts, or they may have been dealing with something of less importance than murder.

not that I didn't laugh

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Less important then murder but more important than burglary :-) .

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<Microsoft Spokesperson voice>Now consider this</voice>, the man didn't call the police officers, he called the dispatcher. I'm relatively certain that the officers didn't tell the dispatcher that they didn't want to be disturbed. Instead, the dispatcher saw that all officers were attending to something that wasn't worth leaving to try and catch some shed thieves. It may be worth more to them to stay with someone who needs less help then to leave someone already being helped. Does that make sense?

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Meridian must be a small town, only having those 2 policemen and all LOL I know what you mean, I was just miking this for all it was worth (and maybe a little beyond what it was worth :-)

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beado4ever (author)Goodhart2008-02-04

MiLking, bottling and delivering it for all it was worth plus service charge me-thinks. LOL

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Goodhart (author)beado4ever2008-02-08

Yeah, but having to explain the joke kind of takes the Punch out of the punch line....*sigh*

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Goodhart (author)nerfer1922007-11-23

The police were only available for those situations they wanted to act one

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Goodhart (author)nerfer1922007-11-23

The police wouldn't come when he was "being robbed" but since he SAID he KILLED them, they were suddenly "available" :-)

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nerfer192 (author)Goodhart2007-11-24

just forget about it, give up, i dont get it.

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Goodhart (author)nerfer1922007-11-24

Ok, what you need is a serious dose of Henny Youngman LOL

Link to Henny Youngman jokes.

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nerfer192 (author)Goodhart2008-02-02

haha.....no. i dont get it!

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Labot2001 (author)Goodhart2008-02-02

THATS funny though i did think the first joke was good too ;]

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KentsOkay (author)Goodhart2007-11-23

HAHAHA thats funny, hehe LOL...

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Metal4God (author)Goodhart2007-09-26

HA HA HA HA H AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH

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canida (author)2008-02-07

Be Nice Policy, remember? You've already been warned. This is #2.

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Baron A (author)canida2008-02-08

Im sorry, but I don't see how that would hurt anyones's feeling. All it was, was a mature joke. Also, I didn't direct that comment at anyone, so I don't understant how I was being not - nice??? ( Im just questioning your judgement...)

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its a lion (author)canida2008-02-07

Is it 3 strikes your out?

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