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Tell a Story about the Instructables Robot Answered

You might have thought that we built The Instructables Robot, but we actually just discovered it in a corner under some junk one day when we were first building Instructables. We weren't really sure want it was, but after charging its batteries overnight, it turned on, its fan started humming, and it offered to help out. So, we put it in charge of sending emails, and as you know, it has really taken to its job.

We're pretty sure the Robot is quite old, but every time we ask it about its past, it always begs off to go send more email.

So what do you think is the Robot's story? Who built it? Did it build itself? What do you think it might do in the future? Why does it like the things in its favorites list? Where does it goes every Saturday night at 10:22 PM when we can't seem to find it?

Tell a story about the Instructables Robot!

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AndyGadget (author)2010-02-04
With a nod to Mr Asimov . . .

 
 
The Robot lay on the bright steel surface. Small, yellow and inert amongst the dozens of cables running to it, surrounded by brushed chrome and flickering lights. It looked almost pathetic lying there. But the appearance was deceptive. Weeks, months, years, decades, lifetimes of work had gone into creating this, the Ultimate Thinking Machine. The entire sum of all Earth’s knowledge;  science, history, art, aspirations, beliefs, hopes and fears had been programmed into its circuits. It was finally complete. The World looked on. 
 
The moment came. The chief engineer tentatively made the final contact which energised the Robot. Power lines pulsed. Screens came to life; arcane symbols scrolling faster than the eye could follow. A quiet hum started within the Robot’s frame and slowly built until the equipment around vibrated and built and built until the very walls quaked then rose in pitch to become a scream. Those around fell to the floor clutching their heads.  When it seemed that death would be a merciful release to the onlookers . . . all went quiet. 
 
A display showing the time flashed where it had fallen . . . 22:21:57 . . . 22:21:58 . . . 22:21:59 . . . 22:22:00.
 
The Robot’s eyelids slowly opened millimetre by millimetre. Slowly, oh so slowly the Robot’s body came up to a sitting position. First the left leg then the right swung over the edge of the bench until the Robot faced the quaking chief engineer. The red eyes focussed on his face. The Robot spoke. “Do you have a question for me?” it said. The engineer cleared his throat. “Yes we have” he replied. “We have considered long and hard and found the question which has plagued Mankind for millennia. The question to which the People of the World most want an answer is . . . Is there a god?”
 
The Robot remained silent. The silence continued as if it was considering the problem, manipulating the billions of variables from its gargantuan data banks. A dim red light like a dying ember appeared in its eyes. The light pulsed, pulsed, pulsed, and grew in intensity until it blazed like a furnace. Those in the room cowered where they could as the Robot stood up. “Bugger this for a game of soldiers” it roared, “I’m going to have some FUN!
 
In the space of ten seconds, the Robot expanded to the size of a skyscraper, tearing up the law of conservation of mass. It took off and shot up to a height of 100 feet, shattering the law of gravity. It reached down, ripped buildings from their very foundations and hurled them down upon the screaming population, shredding every health and safety law in the land.
 
Suddenly the Robot stiffened and froze in the air. It hung there a moment then fell, shrinking as it did. It hit the ground, tumbling haphazardly amongst the rubble and remained still.
 
Time passed. 
 
A man in tattered and dusty clothes slowly and tentatively made his way across the debris strewn landscape ready to flee at any moment if the Robot as much as twitched. He reached the rigid form and saw a faint blue glow reflected off the rocks. He looked between the bricks and could see part of a small screen behind a panel in the Robot’s chest. The screen showed white lettering on a blue background. He squinted and could make out part of the text :-
......
*** STOP: 0x00000050 (0x8872A990,0x804F35D7,0x00000000)
*** manicrampage.dll – Address E080AC55 base at EDFF0000
 
Beginning dump of physical memory.
…...
 
The next day every television channel, newspaper and radio programme proclaimed the news . . .
 
*** MICROSOFT SAVES PLANET EARTH ***
 
 
The Robot still showed no signs of activity. It was disentangled from the rubble and taken to the only building left standing in the area - Instructables headquarters. Here it was cleaned, repaired and had every byte of his data storage erased. It was re-activated and rehabilitated with the assistance of a small penguin called Tux. He was given simple tasks to do which he performed well and eventually was allowed to process the entire e-mail load of the office; a task he is still enjoying today.
 
However, deep in his chest circuitry, just over to the left hand side is a tiny area of non-volatile RAM which had been overlooked when his memory was erased. Late every night the Robot would feel a need, a compulsion to sneak out of the building through a back door and climb one of the hills overlooking the city. Here he would stand, staring out over the land with vague memories of surging power, the unleashing of awesome energies, soaring flight, flames, fire and cataclysmic chaos. He would stand there daydreaming . . . of what might have been.


Andy.

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The Jamalam (author)2010-01-28

The ibles robot created himself in 2510. But, the huge power surge required to activate the conscience of the robot sent him back in time. Eric found him, and helped him. He now sends email a lot. In 500 years time, he will create another ibles robot and repeat the cycle. A bit like red dwarf; lister is his own father.

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Derin (author)2009-07-18

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Derin (author)2009-01-17

The Story Of Robot Everybody knows the Robot was made in the future.One day at 3009,exactly 1000 years after 2009,his creator was working in his DIY-made workshop making a robot.This robot was designed to be able to operate a standard computer terminal,doing jobs better than people.It would be safe against any spam.One day,he finished the robot and mounted it's motherboard.He did not hesitate to put a special edition of Linux on,instead of Windows 3K.One week later,the robot learnt to operate a standard terminal.He quickly tested all his functions on a PC running Windows Vista,which was well obsolete at that time.The robot soon noticed he needed an older terminal for the final test.He finally went to his creator and said "I need to go into the past to complete my test.Can you give me a time machine?" and his creator attached him a small time machine.He soon went to our time to operate an older terminal and complete his test.Unfortunately,the area he would land in was a dark alley.Not knowing that,he set his machine to 2009 and he ended up in the alley.After that,his time machine crashed,pulling the whole power system down.After an hour or so,a group of serious DIY'ers approached the robot.These people were no other person than Eric Wilhelm and his friends.One of them said "What do we have here?Hey,it's a robot!Come!" and called the others around the de-energized robot.One other friend indicated that this robot was from the future.Eric insisted that the robot was taken to the workshop.They carried the robot into their old pickup and they took the robot to their old HQ.There they charged its battery pack up and pressed a secret combination on the 3 front buttons to turn it on.The robot was woken after failure,a major one,and resetted the ownership data.It said "Hello.You are my new owner.I am ready to do your bidding.".This gave them an idea.They needed somebody to send email notifications.Eric told the robot to sit in front of a computer and send email.It was a good thing that the robot could operate non-modified terminals.It sat down and began sending email.It went safely like this till the 222,222th message.At the sending of that message,smoke started pouring out every opening of the robot and the robot quickly got reduced to a pile of metal and silicon.They decided to make a simple replacement.The new robot had slightly different tastes,and did not send greetings.That robot quickly began talking around until it got stolen by zombies.The rest is just wait-and-see.

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Berkin (author)Derin2009-01-18

I know what Creator's name is...

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Derin (author)Berkin2009-01-20
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Berkin (author)Derin2009-01-20

His name was Cyber-Eric. In the future when Eric finally passes away, a group of scientists find him and bring him back to life, putting his brain in a robot's body. They then send the robot back in time to the mortal Eric, where Cyber-Eric is then known eternally as the Instructables Robot.

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Derin (author)Berkin2009-01-20

Damn,my story got foiled by a few sentences :)

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theburn7 (author)2008-06-16

REAL BINARY *with a joke inside 01010100011010000110010100100000010010010110111001110011011101000111001001110101 01100011011101000110000101100010011011000110010101110011001000000101001001101111 01100010011011110111010000100000010000110110000101101101011001010010000001100110 01110010011011110110110100101110001011100010111000100000010110010100111101010101 010100100010000001001101010011110100110

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Derin (author)theburn72009-01-18

No he didn't! Also,I had to add a 1 to make it convertible.

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Radioactv Biohazard (author)2009-01-04

One day the Instructables Robot robot made a sandwich. The end.

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killerjackalope (author)2008-02-03

he was born of thunder and lava at first, and started his life as a crude tool, many believe a hammer, eventually his owner died and he was rediscovered many years later by an ancient tribe of mayans, they gave him his first taste of automation, using him in a simple trapdoor system. When the tribe vansihed mysteriously he was left and eventually brought to several different countires, first england where he was a milestone for centuries, until one day in one of his secret acts of vandalism, isembard kingdom brunel stole him, he used the now partly formed robot to prototype a great ship known as leviathan to him, you may remember the ship as the great eastern but to the robot he will always remember leviathan, travelling far and wide in england the robot eventually ended up in the house of an american who took it across to his good friend nikola tesla, and the robot's strange material properties caused it to create roentgen rays when electrified suitably, of course tesla saw much more in this odd item and designed the robot's circuitry around some extremely unclear ionized currents power transmission. though the robots power source is eternal it can easily be interrupted so tesla added batteries to allow the automaton to restart itself when necessary, unfortunately he never completed the charge circuit. The robot ventured out into the world and played with it's newfound capabilities, eventually through its own scavenging it has become highly complex, mainly because it has picked up it's extra parts at random and if you hunt inside hime while he's not looking you may also find the original copy of the bible, the robot eventually took control of teslas theory on electromagnetic walls of light capable of making almost anything a reality. Eventually though the robot grew weary and befriended a young eric who contentedly tinkered away with him. Unbeknownst to him until this day he is the one who brought the robot to instructables by shorting the batteries out with an led from elsewhere in the robot's internals... the led was none like we know as it emmited light for no cost thereby shorting the batteries out. Now the robot had been damaged he left confused and feeling unsure of himself, crashing through time and space for millenia in an attempt to repair himself he eventually smashed into the instructables building and was found once again, strangely the last things he ingested were a bootleg copy of outlook , a hooker and thomas edison (brunel was a vandal that rubbed off on the robot who went gravedigging). Eric already knew how to fix him but didn't know why... that's why

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Would it have killed you to make paragraphs?!

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Look at the date, I was still getting to grips with paragraphing, plus I wanted it to ramble...

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kelseymh (author)killerjackalope2008-12-27

Too much James Joyce for you!

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Lithium Rain (author)kelseymh2008-12-27

High five! Low five! Up and down and back five!

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Sunbanks (author)killerjackalope2008-09-28

You wanted to ramble? :P I ramble a lot in my school papers. It's pretty funny sometimes.

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killerjackalope (author)Sunbanks2008-09-28

I enjoy a good ramble, it's so much fun...

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Sunbanks (author)killerjackalope2008-09-28

It really is fun. I like to ramble.

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The robot's only 25 years old

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You'd be wrong, his current form is around 25 years old, the rest is much older... You must understand the robot, he can be re-engineered at any time...

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view the robots profile and in the age category it says he's 25 years old But thats the new robot Instructables-Robot New Robot: Instructables-Robot Old Robot: Instructables+Robot

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you have way too much time to play with...

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Eh Wat u gonna do about it It's holidays here and i've been on i'bles all day every day.

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This is perfect.....although I thought I had seen a better one......eh......I can use this...

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Derin (author)2008-12-24

The Story Of Robot The robot was a futuristic piece of equipment.It was made in 3009,at exactly where the HQ is at our time,2009.The robot had the advanced technology that was known as "organic CPU".He has infinite memory and humanity because of this artifact,or whatever you like to call it.Needless to say,he knew how to travel in time because he had a time machine built into him.One day his owner,whick was a grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-grandson of Eric Wilhelm,told him to go to the past and find about old robotic technology.The robot headed to the 1900's to gather information and examples.However,at 2005 his time machine unit suddenly disappeared.He was suddenly trapped in another time.At that day,while Robot was in its super efficient Standby mode,Eric found him.He suddenly realized that the robot was made in the future and by a Wilhelm of the same family as him.So he took the robot to the future Instructables HQ and began examining the robot.He found the robot's name was Instructables+Robot.He took blueprints and kept them safe.He also named the DIY group he made "Instructables" in honor of the robot.The group has a lot of members today.As you already know,there was a zombie attack a few months ago.They took the robot to eat his organic CPU that was indeed a brain.It was a very good thing Eric did to take blueprints of the robot.He used the blueprints to make a new robot,similar to the first one.It was different because Eric did not have the technology to make a organic brain,and instead he used an electronic one that would do the same job.The robot is now perma-banned mysteriously.Maybe it was the futuristic Wilhelm that wanted to check on Bot and accidently banned him because he signed in as ewilhelm.In the future,the robot will probably be rebuilt to the best after the Ibleoclypse.The Ibleoclypse would loosen Ibles and we will need a better robot to handle this.Also,the robot was not designed to send email.That could be why it crashed.

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thermoelectric (author)2008-09-04

How's this; Tell me what I can improve on, add or remove Instructables Halloween We were setting up the haunted house for Halloween at Instructables HQ. Tetranite, Instructables Robot, Tim Anderson and the one and only Eric Wilhelm were changing the Instructables HQ into a hunted house for Halloween. They had made and installed laser vortexes, laser pumpkins and a lot of other things. Instructables Robot was getting the servers ready to stream a live video feed to their website, Instructables.com. Tim was reviving Ni-Cad batteries with his welder to power Instructables Robot because his batteries were nearly dead. Tetranite was fire shaving so he could put some zombie makeup on his face to scare people. The next night was Halloween, the cameras were rolling, the servers were streaming and the laser vortex was entertaining Instructables Robot. Eric was showing off his Kinetic Chain Sculpture to everyone that walked past, it would look so much more awesome with a UV chain on it. Eric had made a parallel controlled solid state switching relay device that controlled everything that ran off electricity for Halloween. It was all going as planned, the parallel port controlled solid state switching device was handling very well, we were worried that it couldn’t cope with the Jacobs ladders, one of which they had setup next to the electric harp that was made by Squid Labs. The electric harp has nothing to do with electricity but it looks really complex. It looks like 3 poles interconnected with loads of rope. The Jacobs ladder that they were worried the solid switching device couldn’t handle was 10 feet high! It was placed outside the doors to greet everyone that entered the building. People were pouring in the doors trying to get through the whole haunted house before it closes. Although some people stayed outside and admired the Jacobs ladder. After Tim replaced Instructables Robot’s batteries, He went back to the servers to monitor how everything was going. Tim went back to charging Instructables Robot’s batteries with his DC solar welder he made out of a golf buggy and a solar panel. He even used this to make the base for the 10 foot high Jacobs ladder. Once they had all made sure everything was working properly the met up in the server room. They started to discuss how everything was going. Over the humming of the servers Instructables Robot said “The Solid State Relays are getting hot”, nobody really cared at the moment. They kept talking about what the people that came to the haunted house were interested in and then went back to their jobs. The laser vortex was amazing everyone that walked past the mysterious eerie glow. They kept prodding the vortex in the hope they would figure out how it works. The Jacobs ladders were eating up electricity and deafening everyone that walks past. The big Jacobs ladder that people were still watching was posing a threat of fire because of the massive current load drawn by the neon sign transformer, driving the Jacobs ladder. The “car crash” setup was scaring everyone that dared to walk through that room. It was just a room with two spotlights placed in the positions where the headlights of a real car would be. There was a fog machine in the room to diffuse the lights and make the lighting setup hard to see. When you enter the room, you trip a sensor that which turns on the lights dimly at first and a sound of a car speeding towards you, it gets brighter and louder and finally it sounds like the car crashes and the lights turn off and then a soundtrack of evil laughter starts. Everything was going as planned until the solid state relays couldn’t handle the load the Jacobs ladders placed on it and the cases of the state relays cases started to melt away from the components. Since the plastic was an insulator between the components, when it was gone, they could arc and that’s what happened. They started to arc, since this was in the server room it was kept away from the crowds and then it wasn’t that dangerous. The only person/robot to notice this was Instructables Robot. When Instructables Robot noticed this, he notified the authorities (Eric Wilhelm). Eric knew there was little he could do because the power feed to the solid state relays was hardwired into the mains power supply. Eric rang the fire brigade and told Tim and Tetranite to get everyone to evacuate the building. Eric tried to turn off the power to the building but unfortunately the switch box was locked and hard to get to so they couldn’t cut the lock. They rang the electricity company but the response was “It’ll take a couple of hours because we have a busy schedule tonight” so they couldn’t have the power cut to the building, that was time they couldn’t waste. Everyone was out and the fire crews were in, but since it was electrical, there was really nothing they could do. Eric, Tetranite, Tim and Instructables Robot proceeded outside to discuss their options. Tetranite thought he could melt the input to the solid state relay switching unit using his cigarette lighter but that would never get hot enough to melt the copper. Nobody had any other ideas but then Instructables Robot suggested that he would put his life at sake for the safety of everyone else. Since this was the only option they had, unfortunately they took it. Everyone said their goodbyes and I went in to face my destiny. On the way in I asked myself how I could make this work. I figured out by sitting on the solid state relays, the weight of my tin can body would break the protective cover over the solid state relays, shorting the relays and the power supply, blowing the main fuses and cutting the power to the building and most likely frying me, Instructables Robot. I said goodbye to my parents, the Linux servers and continued my mission. I walked past the servers to the solid state relays and prepared to take my last seat. I slowly sat on the solid state relays, I heard a crack but nothing happened, I desperately tried to figure out what had happened. After a couple of nanoseconds of processing, I figured that I need to move around a little bit to get some conductivity. I started to move around and…BZZZT, NO SIGNAL. All the lights went out; the fire crews said it was safe to enter the building. We moved up to the server room to assess the situation, all we saw was a big puddle of molten metal and silicon. Christy, Eric’s wife that he had rang earlier started crying, Tim yelled out “Those poor, poor batteries” and you could tell Tetranite had tears in his eyes. The fire crews immediately started to clean up the mess of molten metal and silicon. Instructables Robot’s remains were melted down into a statue of him so everyone would remember how courageous he was. The solid state relays were never seen again. The servers had booted up a new child-bot to take the place of the Instructables Robot, They called this one the Instructables Robot-. Tim was still trying to cope with the loss of his batteries. Everything worked out in the end; they decided to stop using solid state relays to control the Jacobs ladders. Tim finally got over the loss of his Ni-Cad batteries. They had the power box moved to a more accessible location. Instructables-Robot was getting used to his new job and everyone at Instructables and everyone was getting used to Instructables-Robot. Everything was going well until next Halloween… This story was dedicated to the death/major malfulction of Instructables+Robot.

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you have too much free time

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user

Not really, It was a school assignment.............

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Chicken2209 (author)2008-09-28

we should make a video of it

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zachninme (author)2008-02-03

It wants to take over the world using a method akin to the cellphone fiasco in Cell -- only with email.
Once everyone's zombified, he'll show the Instructables on how to make more robots (safety kept in his favorites) to all the zombies, so that they can make copies of him! (Instructables is really the best format for this!)
He spends percisely 28 seconds computing man's doom at 10:22 every night, making sure that the plan is going off without a hitch.

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Derin (author)zachninme2008-08-29

then why did the zombies take the robot as hostage?

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Derin (author)zachninme2008-06-26

ok then im gonna live inside a tank and then empty my ammo on anything that comes near and isnt human

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Labot2001 (author)2008-02-03

The following data was retrieved from the Instructables Robot’s backup hard drive on February 3, 2008:
Dec. 19, 1951

It’s dark in here. Where am I?

How long have I been sleeping? Have I been sleeping? Why can’t I remember who I am, or what I am? Who has me here? Am I being held prisoner? …

Those voices…

BANG! A stream of light was cast into the room, the door’s been unbolted! Two muscular, foreign men were standing in the doorway. They had guns; who were they?

They began shouting at me in a language I did not understand. Soviets. The word came from somewhere in the back of my mind, and somehow I knew this was what they were called. But how did I know?

Before I had time to continue my thoughts, the larger of the two grabbed me and shoved me into his accomplice’s arms. They continued to exchange dialogue in their foreign tongue, occasionally turning to me and yelling something. Orders? Threats? I could not tell. One of the men shoved a drive into one of my expansion slots.

From that point on, everything was a blur. They had uploaded a virus into my system, I knew it. All I remember now is being shoved into a metal crate, and hearing the sound of a key turning a bolt into place…

Dec. 25, 1951

“Get it out of there!”

Words! I could understand them! I knew that this must be the native tongue of my own kind! They had come to rescue me from the Soviets!

When I was released from my prison, I was surprised to see a being that looked much like the Soviets did, but little like myself. How could I understand him? Was he my creator?

“Who are you? Why do you speak my tongue?”

The man looked alarmed when I questioned him. “He can talk!” There was another man by him, who responded, “What have those Soviets been up to behind our backs?”

The first man looked at me. “You, Robot,” (I guess that was my name), “what are the Soviets doing?”

The Soviets? “I have no idea. They locked me up in this crate and now I’m here. I cannot remember anything before that.”

He looked unsatisfied. “Get Dr. Metellus up here to check him out.” His order was immediately answered with a “yes, sir” from the other man.

When the doctor had arrived he seemed as much in shock as the other two did. “What is it? It’s simply incredible!” After studying his appearance, I’d gathered that he was probably not a doctor but rather a scientist who was called doctor.

“I want you to get as much information as you can out of him, then I want him erased.” The doctor seemed to be unable to believe what he had been ordered. “Erase him? Completely?”
“Completely.” He lit a cigar and walked off, leaving a heavy cloud of smoke behind him.

“I’ll be back tomorrow to start with you,” the doctor said to me.

Dec. 26, 1951

RESTRICTED

Oct. 17, 2006

Someone powered me on. The figure of a young man wearing a blue shirt and red tie came slowly into focus. “Hello,” he said, “who are you?”

“I am Robot,” I told him. He told me his name, Eric. I asked Eric how he came to find me.

“Well,” he said, “we weren’t sure what you were, so we charged your batteries overnight and decided to start you up this morning. How long have you been living in the warehouse?”

Warehouse? I looked around. Had I seen this place before? It seemed vaguely familiar…

“I’m not sure how long I’ve been here; I don’t really know much about my past…”

“Well, you are more than welcome to continue living here if you like.”

“Thank you. Is there any way I could be of service?”

Eric introduced me to a machine he called a computer. It was more or less a rectangular box, which he plugged me into. He put me in charge of sending these messages to others, which he called email. I decided that I would like email. The ability to communicate with others around the world, others who might know a thing or two about my past, to help me remember…

Oh, if only I could remember…

July 16, 2007

I read my internal clock. 22:22. Eric told me that I could stop working at 18:00 every day, but I enjoy writing emails and usually stay late. But tonight was different. I decided to sneak out.

…

Once inside Eric’s bedroom, I immediately located his sock drawer, and emptied its contents. I carefully undid the bonds linking every pair, and paired them back up with a distant relative…

July 17, 2007

Eric came in today wearing a red-and-purple polka-dot sock on one foot and a brown striped sock on the other, declaring that every July 17th would be Crazy Sock Day, but I knew he was just covering up for the prank I played on him…

Dec. 31, 2007

I like all the Instructables that people post with me in it. LinuxH4x0r made a cake of me today. Is it my birthday? How old am I? Why can't I remember?

…

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KANahas (author)Labot20012008-07-18

LOL 7/17/07 Was Disneyland's 52 anniversary...

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Derin (author)Labot20012008-06-26

TELL ME ABOUT THE DAY WHERE IT SAYS RESTRICTED!!!!!

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LinuxH4x0r (author)Labot20012008-02-03

10:22 is when he plans how to take over the world at 22:22 on 2-22-2022

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Doctor What (author)Labot20012008-02-03

You have a lot of time on your hands.

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xACIDITYx (author)2008-06-26

He's a transformer. Eric bought a new car and it turned out to be the robot. He befriended it and now the robot is helping Eric with his DIY site and is also defending him against the evils of buying things you can make at home.

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Derin (author)2008-06-26

I found a evolvement chart for the Instructables robot

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