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What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke? Answered

There are many jokes about good ol' Chuck:  Every night the Boogey Man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris; Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.  Those are a few examples but there are hundreds more. Share your best!


Go to google.com and type in "Find Chuck Norris" then click the I'm Feeling Lucky button. It makes me giggle every time!

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.


Run, before he finds you.
Try a different person.
Try someone less dangerous.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris is why there's not dinosaurs.
There is no global warming... Chuck Norris got a chill and turned up the sun.
There is nothing to fear but Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity... twice


6 years ago

If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.


6 years ago

Chuck Norris doesn't catch Pokemon, he allows them to go in the pokeball

The only fever Chuck Norris gets is disco fever.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
It's my favorite.


6 years ago

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris once pissed in someones gas tank.. that car is now Optimus Prime :D

When ghosts go camping they scare each other with Chuck Norris stories.

chucks watch doesnt tell time, he tells it the time

Chuck Norris can tell time by staring directly into the sun.


6 years ago

On March 9th, 1940, in the village of Xu Chi Pho in China, there was a vision in the sky of a white male with a mustache and a beard, years later the population of china is over 1 billion people. Chuck Norris was born March 10th, 1940. This is not a coincidence. This proves that Chuck was Chuck before he was Chuck. This does not however mean that Chuck Norris is a hipster. It just means that he is more man then anyone else in the world.

Who watches the watchmen? Chuck Norris.


6 years ago

Chuck Norris hates Raymond.

Chuck Norris' initials are Cn. This is also the chemical formula for Cyanide, the deadly poison. This is not a coincidence.

Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands. Now they're just the Islands.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, but he never cries.

Chuck Norris once fought himself to see what would happen. He won.

Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone.

Lightning never strikes twice in the same place, because it knows Chuck Norris is looking for it.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris beat the Internet at Trivial Pursuit.

Chuck Norris does not like Chuck Norris jokes.

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.

Dang you already said it.

But here's one: Chuck Norris doesn't have a control key on his computer, he's always in control...