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lifes unanswered questions... Answered

great questions to ponder over (great conversation starters!)

  • Can you cry under water?
  • why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  • What's the difference between a novel and a book?
  • How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
  • If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
  • if a person owns a piece of land, do they own it to the center of the earth?
  • if you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
  • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  • Do penguins have knees?
  • Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?
  • How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
  • Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
  • Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?(isn't this one great?)
  • Does a two-humped camel store more fat than a one-humped camel?
  • If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
  • Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
  • why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?
  • If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
  • If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?(don't start a war over that, its just a joke!)
  • If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
  • Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
  • You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
  • If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
  • Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
  • Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
  • If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?
  • If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?
  • Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
  • How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?
  • If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?
  • When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
  • Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
  • How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?
  • Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
  • Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?
  • If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans?
  • If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?
  • Why are red buttons always the most important?
  • How is chess considered a sport?
  • Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit?
  • If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?
  • Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?
  • How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.
  • Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
  • If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?
  • If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?
  • Could you be a closet claustrophobic?
  • Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?
  • If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?
  • Where do all the daylight savings hours go?
  • Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?
  • What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?
  • Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
  • Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?
  • Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?
  • Can you slam a revolving door?
  • What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?
  • Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?
  • If Winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?
  • What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
  • Can you read a picture book?
  • Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?
  • Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
  • Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
  • If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?
  • if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?
  • What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?
  • What shape is the sky?
  • If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead? (again, don't start a war over that)
  • Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?
  • If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?
  • If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?
  • What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?
  • Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?
  • Why are dandelions considered weeds when daisies are considered flowers?
  • Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?
  • Whenever an adult is kidnapped why isn't it called adultnapped?
  • Why do black lights look purple?
  • Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni?
  • Why is it that people duck in the rain, do they really think the rain won't hit them?
  • Why isn't the caps lock capitalized?
  • If someone with a nostril ring takes it out, then blows their nose, do they have to cover that hole as well as their nostril holes so that snot doesn't blow out everywhere?
  • Isn't it weird that if you rearrange the word "teacher" you get "cheater"?
  • How come whenever you start to sing, you automatically sing in a higher voice than you talk?
  • How come people say they ate the last piece of gum, when they really just chew it?
  • You know the saying "throw ya hands in the air like ya don't care"? why bother doing that if you don't care?
  • Why is there no pine or apple in pineapple?
  • Why do water bottles have a "best if used by" date?\
  • If you called the police station to talk to an officer and he was not there, would that be considered a cop out?
  • Why do they put holes in crackers?
  • How come on TV the bell always rings and then the kids go to class, but in real life you need to be in class before the bell rings?
  • Why can the saying "it's all downhill from here." mean both that it will be easy and that it is going to get worse?
  • If all of ACME's products backfire, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying them?
  • Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?
  • If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?
  • Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?
  • Does a baby feel the umbilical cord being cut off?
  • Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?
  • If you have a pet with 2 heads do you have to name both heads?
  • Why can't liquor freeze?
  • If you dig a hole in the south pole are you digging up or down?
  • How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age?
  • Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of?
  • What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?
  • Who was in the kitchen with Dina?
  • Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"?
  • Why do they call them pepperoni if there is no pepper in it?
  • How old does something have to be to become an antique?
  • Can a school teacher give a homeless child homework?
  • Do babies produce more spit than adults?
  • How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?
  • Do cows have calf muscles?
  • Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not?
  • If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?
  • If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?
  • Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?
  • If you died with braces on would they take them off?
  • If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?
  • Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?
  • Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?
  • If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?
  • Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot?
  • if someone tells you not to be your self, who should you be?
  • Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread?
  • Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice?
  • How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
  • Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
  • Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
  • Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
  • Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
  • Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
  • You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
  • After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
  • Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
  • You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  • Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
  • Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  • Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
  • Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
  • Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
  • do the ABC's and twinkle twinkle little star have the same tune?
  • Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
  • Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
  • why does Goofy live in a house and Pluto in and dog house if there both dogs?
  • Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
  • Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
  • Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
  • Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
  • why is a pair of underwear one item?
  • Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
  • Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
  • Why do women wear evening gowns to go out at night? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
  • olive oil is made out of olives, and peanut oil is made out of peanuts. What is baby oil made out of?!
  • If drinking and driving is illegal, why do bars have parking lots?
  • If someone leads but no one follows... are they just out for a walk?
  • After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
  • Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
  • Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  • .............
the list goes on and on, maybe i will make a sequel.

i can not take credit for all of these, most of them were from this website

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user
2300037 (author)2018-01-22

"Can you cry underwater?"

Yes u can cry underwater.

So basically, crying is an emotional state where in we start shedding tears, but that doesn't not mean that you cannot be sad/ happy underwater and start shedding tears. Of course those tears would get mixed with water but still it does imply that we can cry underwater. -Google

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Hello randoms (author)2014-02-19

You know the one where it says u find a four leaf clover under a ladder. if you want it, just push the ladder out of the way, unless someone was there, then you can wait and be lucky then immediately have seven years bad luck.

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IDEK (author)2013-03-29

About the difference between a novel and a book: My English teacher was obsessed with this; The book is the binding/paper and can contain anything from a play to a novel to non-fiction. A book, for example, cannot technically be online. A novel is the writing/content on the inside and is always fiction, in pros and not a script.

About the FBI breaking down doors: I don't know, but it seems likely that the state would pay for it if you were innocent and didn't answer the door because you were deaf/unable to move etc.

About the styrofoam: they don't need to ship it in anything, the styrofoam protects itself, as it is the nature of styrofoam not to get broken during shipping

About the Roman Paramedics: They didn't have IV's in those days.

About the ABC's and twinkle twinkle: yes

About the amphibians: No, because they are just as comfortable on land as in water

About Joey/Joe: Because Joe, and therefore Joey, are shorter versions of Joseph, and Joey sounds more informal.

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monsterlego (author)2011-09-30

Q1- You can perfectly well cry under water you'll prolly drown though. Q2-Pizza comes in square boxes because there easier to make and ship. Q4-They do show every movie automatically. even if no ones there.
Q7-It doesn't because glue is oxygen activated.
Q10- If your standing in front of it you'll likely get trampled.
Q11- Sallys stupid.
Q13-Duh it has 2 humps.
Q14-NO NO NO.
Q17-You broke it you bought it.
Q24-Why do you think she's green?
Q31-Human nature bro.
Q32- bubbles are to thin to hold pigment.
Q-37- Red is easy to see.
Q45-The center of the earth has no gravity, so you'd be going up. Q51-Nothing its superstitious.
Q55-Chuck Norris can.
Q63-Mermaids don't exist.
Q67-Spherical.
Q81-No the tissue will be covering it.
Q95-It doesn't. Q96 of course they do.
Q98-You can if you want.
Q100-Earth has no up or down but gravity is pulling on you so it's down. Q102- When you squint you adding a tiny bit more focus.
Q108-No they give out Homeless work.
Q120 you would hire someone.
Q141-Yes, and so does "ba ba black sheep".

Owned.

I could answer more but that would be hectic

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grundisimo (author)2010-06-11


If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

If no one was there to see it then how would any one know if they showed it or not.

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dsman195276 (author)grundisimo2010-06-13

"Lifes unanswered questions..."

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DJ Radio (author)2010-06-12

"Why do round pizzas come in square pizza boxes?"

Because otherwise it would be more difficult to cut and take out slices of pizza.

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dsman195276 (author)DJ Radio2010-06-12

Actually it has nothing to do with that, it's just harder to make a circle out of cardboard.

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Oompa-Loompa (author)2008-10-21

Why do people pay money to go up tall buildings, then put more money in those stationary binocular stands to look at things on the ground?

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user

And here are a couple others... What disease did cured ham actually have? Why do buffalo wings taste like chicken? Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free? Where do forest rangers go to "Get away from it all"? Whatever happened to Preparation A through G? If a cow laughed hard, would milk come out of her nose? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? If we're here to help other people, what are the other people here for? Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? Why do "Tug" boats "Push their barges? Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? How did a fool and his money get together in the first place? Why don't women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? What do chickens think we taste like? What do people in China call their good plates? What do you call a male ladybug? What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? What color is a chameleon on a mirror? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are? Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Why are they called "apartments" when they're stuck together? Why there isn't a shorter word for monosyllabic? Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there? Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting? Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same? Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same? What's the difference between flammable and inflammable? Why do croutons come in airtight packages when its just stale bread to begin with ? If people from Poland are called "poles", why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"? Was it a cruel joke to put an "s" in the word "lisp"? How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations? If infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit? What's the difference between null and void? Why do hysterectomies happen to her and hernias happen to him? What's another word for thesaurus? What's another word for synonym? Is it possible to have a civil war? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Why aren't hemorrhoids called asteroids? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is this a hostage situation? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless? Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? What do batteries run on? When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to talk? What do you do if you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? Is it possible to be totally partial? Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? What is the speed of dark? Who was the first person to eat an oyster? How come you never hear about gruntled employees? If your legs bent the other way, what would a chair look like? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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Goodhart (author)Oompa-Loompa2008-10-21

Let me take a crack at, at least, some of these ;-)

What disease did cured ham actually have?

All of them... ask a pig...

Why do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

They do? Most of the ones I have had taste like Barbecue sauce...

Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free?

Nope, some are slaves....

Where do forest rangers go to "Get away from it all"?

Downtown Manhattan

Whatever happened to Preparation A through G?

Believe it or not, they all grew hair in places one did not want extra hair...

If a cow laughed hard, would milk come out of her nose?

Adult cows do not drink milk, but calves might have this happen to them

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

For the same reason that 22 is not pronounced twoty two

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

Only those that don't have the brains for a real job and go into politics can be assassinated.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

911, even if the person was at work ;-)

If we're here to help other people, what are the other people here for?

Since we are the other people to the other people, they are here to help us

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

If it sucks too hard, it will ruin you carpet

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Who said it was the third hand....I have always called the second hand the second hand. I have never called a "third" hand a second hand

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

yes...

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

They are making up for what they lack in knowledge with volume

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

Once

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

Accidents do happen

Why don't women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

Men don't look at the outside of a beer can ...

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Cause some of them were not defective enough to become human...

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of
everything outdoors?

It......is......the.....government.............remember ?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Maybe you exposed it once too often?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

You have to ask this?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

As long as you are alone....

What do chickens think we taste like?

Would you like to find out?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Lead painted...

What do you call a male ladybug?

A ladybird

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

PINK

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

PINK

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

Silver

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

They were never on the Ark, they floated on the water and bred like all of them do.

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is
dead?

Because we are STUPID that way....

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Not everyone can grow one you know?

How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are?

They are meant for everyone ELSE ;-)

Why are they called "apartments" when they're stuck together?

Just because they are together doesn't mean they aren't a PART of each other.

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?

Silly I guess

Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?

The stands are standing ;-)

Why do croutons come in airtight packages when its just stale bread to begin
with ?

Because stale is better then moldy :-)

Was it a cruel joke to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

It is one of those "sounds like this" words...

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

The same depth, they don't affect the ground under the water...

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Not in England....

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

Snowplow

Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?

Hypothetically, yes...

If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?

Above us... ;-)

What's the difference between null and void?

Nulls are symbolized by a zero, and have a value, void means empty space

What's another word for thesaurus?

Frustrating

What's another word for synonym?

similar

Is it possible to have a civil war?

never

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

That's lust, not love

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is this a
hostage situation?

No, but it can result in a multiple murder

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless?

No, he is dead.

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Many of them have egg in them

What do batteries run on?

internal power

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to talk?

No, but they tell him he has the right to keep still :-)

What do you do if you discover an endangered animal that eats only
endangered plants?

Put them in a zoo

Is it possible to be totally partial?

possible, but not probable.

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

No one wants to hurt their head BEFORE the big crash...

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

When the dog starts packing his bags....

What is the speed of dark?

Opposite the speed of light

Who was the first person to eat an oyster?

A fellow lost on a deserted island...

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

They are never gruntled...

If your legs bent the other way, what would a chair look like?

The same, with a lower back...

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

That's a good idea? Have you ever USED one of those junky things LOL

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
America?

I have never gotten a SANE answer to that one....

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Nutritionally...

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

The can opener, which was invented after the sealed metal can...btw.

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Matt21497 (author)Goodhart2009-06-24

Do you have an answer for everything?

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Goodhart (author)Matt214972009-06-24

Yes, I do. However, it is not always the correct answer ;-)

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Flumpkins (author)Goodhart2009-06-25

OKay then, what color is my underwear?

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Flumpkins (author)Goodhart2009-06-25

No, I am not wearing underwear xD

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Goodhart (author)Flumpkins2009-06-25

TMI (still, if you are considered Caucasian, most would call that white LOL)

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Matt21497 (author)Goodhart2009-06-24

Yes I have the exact same problem ( I dont call it a problem but my parents do) i have a respons to just about everything

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Goodhart (author)Matt214972009-06-25

As you get older and learn more, your ratio of wrong to right answers will change for the better (if you continue to read and learn that is ;-)

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Oompa-Loompa (author)Goodhart2008-10-22

70% of those answers make sense. 15% actually made me laugh.

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Goodhart (author)Oompa-Loompa2008-10-22

Well, I can vouch for the last one, I read that somewhere, that the can opener came a bit after the almighty can LOL talk about backwards technology... I am glad I was able impart some mirth :-)

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Oompa-Loompa (author)Goodhart2008-10-22

The canopener HAD to come out after the can. Who would invent a canopener to open something that hasn't been invented. That's logical...

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Goodhart (author)Oompa-Loompa2008-10-22

I mean it came out much much later then the can. It was hard to open cans for years after they started to be used....

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kingghaffari (author)2008-05-24

In Honor of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

(I did not write this, my friend did! SO FUNNY!)

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1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? - I do just for badness

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user

That is the funniest comment I have ever seen!

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user

I actually do it, try it sometime, make gestures for all questions...

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user

XD XD XD XD XD XD XD (Im bored) XD XD XD (You can delete this) XD XD XD (its just like spamming) XD XD XD XD (LIGHTNING ROUND) XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDX lol.

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dsman195276 (author)kingghaffari2008-05-25

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

there is a answer to that one. it says for indoor or outdoor use only. it is saying that you should not have a string of lights hooked up inside and outside at the same time(good luck doing that!)

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Goodhart (author)dsman1952762009-06-25

indoor lights should not be used outside, as they are not sealed against the weather and can / will short and maybe even cause a fire...

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Matt21497 (author)kingghaffari2009-06-24

Those things about people are so true

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Goodhart (author)kingghaffari2008-10-22

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

If you've eaten it, you don't "have it to eat" anymore ;-)

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Goodhart (author)kingghaffari2008-05-28

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Actually, my TV has no knobs or buttons on it for "normal" adjusting. I literally can not watch TV without the remote (which is why it irritates me so much when the wife wonders off with it and lays it down somewhere she can no longer remember)

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Matt21497 (author)2009-06-24

SOme of these are answerable A novel is a story with characters a book can be a novel but also science articles math lessons stuf like that

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killerjackalope (author)2008-05-28

This is like burning questions but wierder...
Here's a bit of help...

If drinking and driving is illegal, why do bars have parking lots - You need somewhere to sleep at closing time and also for taxis and staff...

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in? - Cardboards boxes...
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? - They nearly hit eachother but missed

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? - It would render the box useless so money crazed black box manufacturers hold their secrets.

Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets? - Hides stains during moving, think of coffee spills as a more clean stain.

Do babies produce more spit than adults? - Nah they just have smaller mouths, more of it falls out...

How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age? - Then do what, have a conception day around the kitchen table

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? - because eventually they had to die... It's like going to the farm, except farmer john is replaced with chef jaques.

Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets? - Because massage well is just too much encouragement for some.

How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time? - Not very well

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Goodhart (author)killerjackalope2008-05-29


How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time? - Not very well

To be truthful, we all breath and talk (pretty much) at the same time, or we would turn blue during long conversations and if we gave a speech.... :-)

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Oompa-Loompa (author)Goodhart2008-10-22

You go ahead and try to talk for a minute straight without a breath. We do not breath WHILE we talk, but we do take regular intervals for breaths in between sentences.

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Goodhart (author)Oompa-Loompa2008-10-22

Well, if you define "breathing" as "breathing in", no we don't, but we do breath out as we talk, and then, eventually have to breath back in, completing the cycle of a breath ;-)

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Oompa-Loompa (author)Goodhart2008-10-22

hmmm, good point. thus, we do technically participate partially in the regular activity of breathing, in such a case outward, while we speak.

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user

that statement is going in my about me...

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Yak (author)killerjackalope2008-07-26

Funny thing about the Black Box - they're orange. Though it's an Australian invention, so it's very acceptable.

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Goodhart (author)killerjackalope2008-05-29

How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age?

Hmm, because it is called a birthday maybe :-)

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skunkbait (author)Goodhart2008-05-31

I think some cultures actually do count the gestation period. I'll search to see if I can find which one.

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Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets? - Because massage well is just too much encouragement for some. lol!!!!

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user

these we just joke questions. as i can see, some of then do have answers...

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Well they have answers but they still fun.

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