Introduction: Fixing the Chair That Bites AKA Toddler Damage Control

For those non-procreators out there I am going to give you some insight to a terrifying monster I call The Toddler. Toddlers have this innate ability to destroy sh*tuff. Lots of sh*tuff. Your stuff, their stuff, random stuff and most embarrassing of all- other peoples stuff. It's actually mind boggling the kind of stuff they can break, they're like maniacal little ninjas. It will get really quiet and by the time your brain completes the 'Oh Fuuuu*dge' thought, they'll be at the opposite end of the house of where the destruction occurred laughing their little heads off(see attached photo). When I decided to become a mother (if you are male feel free to skip ahead a little because I am about to play the Ovaries card, and let's face it you don't have them, and you don't need to hear yet again how you will never understand) intellectually I understood that things would never be the same. I was not even close to prepared for the physical destruction that would occur. There are parts of me that will never bounce back. Ever. And I feel like I was improperly warned about the destructive potential of this thing that I lovingly grew inside of me for nine months only for it to pop out and immediately commence screaming, vomiting, projectile poo-ing (Yep), peeing and snotting at/on me.

Erm. I think I got a little side tracked there, where was I? Right, Toddlers, destruction, they do this. So one night, after dinner, my little ninja got out of his chair by way of knocking the entire thing over sideways onto the tile floor. This resulted in cracking the top corner of the chair, and after having my hand pinched multiple times a day, because getting in and out of a chair is now a team effort, I've had enough!

So here we go-


Some of the tools used are super technical specialty tools, so I have included links on where you can purchase them. I've also included links to the more wallet friendly suppliers, for those of you on a budget.

You will need:

A drill

Find top quality ones here.

If you only want to use it twice, look here.

A drill bit (no specific size, just maybe not larger than 1/4 inch)

Masking tape- this is super critical, so have a long hard think on whether you want to cut corners on this one.

Top Quality

Not so much

Wood Glue- we really aren't relying on the wood glue, and you only need a few drops, so any brand will do.

A toothpick- or in my case a dental flosser because apparently toothpicks disappear in my house.

A brown marker close to the color of the wood.

And the secret ingredient:

JB Water Weld- This is an amazingly versatile material, and can be used in a variety of applications, to include repairing a skunk skull on the fly (yes, I have).

Available Here

Or Here

Step 1: Align Your Crack (and Get Your Head Outta the Gutter)

Yes I said crack. Moving on. Toss some masking tape over it, and make sure the of the alignment. Use your marker to approximate where the crack is on the tape. Then mark the angle and depth. Take a piece of tape and wind it around your drill bit a few times, to act as a stop when drilling your hole (I'm not even going to acknowledge that one). And drill. Try to drill as close to the center as possible.

Step 2: Add a Bit of Glue

Peel up the tape and add some glue. Wipe off any excess goo with a wet towel, then a dry one, and re-apply the tape. Make sure everything is lined up properly, and when you apply the tape put as much tension on it as possible.

Step 3: Mix Up Some Putty

You may want to use a glove for this, since epoxy putty is really gooey before it cures.

Cut off about an 1/8 inch of putty from the stick, and roll it around in your fingers to mix. The key here is to mix really well, but also really fast. Water Weld starts to set up in about 5 minutes, so don't spend more than 2 minutes mixing. If it starts to feel warm in your hand that's your cue to move on.

Roll your ball of putty into a thin little worm, and stuff it up in your hole. (No! I'm not going there. Seriously! I really don't know how else to describe this process!) Then take your toothpick/flosser and ram the putty as far up into your hole as you can. ( I'm done :\

Step 4: Finishing Touches

Level out the surface of the putty, you can use a plastic bag to give the putty a smooth finish. Then take your marker and color over the putty. Leave the whole thing to cure for about 24 hours.

I realize that this is not the most traditional type of woodworking fix, but I'm ok with that. The chair no longer bites, and if you're curious, the same technique can be used for stripped screw holes in cabinets and doors.

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