Homey the Wallet

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Introduction: Homey the Wallet

About: Every now and then I come up with a unique idea. And then I find someone else has already thought of it . . . which is AWESOME! Who knew there were so many kindred spirits on the web! YOU GO all o' us!

Ever been down and out in Costa Rica? Had your wallet stolen on the subway? Wondered what to do with your keys and all that change you had in your front pockets?

Homey the wallet to the rescue! Using this patent pending, complex 6 step procedure, you can not only protect your remaining belongings from future theft, but actually deter would-be thieves from even approaching.

If you appreciate this instructible, please visit my blog for more ideas:
GoodCleanCrazy

As an added bonus (and due solely to my personal tightwaddery and sense of humor) this is completely free, unless you're like Einstein and don't wear socks. Wierdo. Or Equator dweller. Or namby-pamby Southern Californian. Or--never mind.

Step 1: Remove Your Right Shoe.

Carefully untie (if tied) the shoe on your right foot and remove the shoe.

Save this shoe for later use. (Do NOT discard!)

Slip your sock off your right foot.

Step 2: Stick Your Hand Up a Socket Puppet

Insert your hand carefully into the south end of a north facing sock puppet until your hand can go no further without increasing pressure beyond the "tear threshold" (somewhere around 30 ft/lbs/in2).

Form the mouth of the sock puppet. Practice ventriloquism for a few seconds.

At this point, the theft deterrent mechanism of Homey the Wallet(TM) begins to activate (Warning: May also deter potential dates/embarrassed family members).

Step 3: Feed the Puppet

Kindly coerce your Sock Puppet friend--we'll call him Slippy for short--coerce Slippy to eat your keys and remaining valuables.

Praise your Slippy with phrases like, "Good boy! That's a nice Slippy!"

Make sure to scratch him under the chin a bit (he loves that).

Step 4: Gut Slippy

While your erstwhile 75% cotton friend is distracted by the praises, quickly grasp his rear, and rip it over his head!

(Insert maniacal laughter if desired.)

Step 5: Stretch to Full Length

To complete the gutting process, fully stretch your inverted Slippy. This ensures proper valuables placement in the lifeless hide of your poor friend.

Step 6: Replace Your Shoe

Replace your right shoe on your right foot. (You DID save your shoe, didn't you?)

And . . . done! You are now the proud owner of a Homey the Wallet(C)2007!

For increased theft deterrent, you may hike one pants leg up to knee level and say "Homey don't play that!" whilst wildly swinging Slippy towards would-be assailants.

Some helpful tips on spotting would-be assailants:
Faux Businessmen
"Harmless" Little old ladies
Squirrels

For a real wallet, I recommend voting for my personal favorite of the wallet group the Anti Wallet. No muss, no fuss.

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    39 Discussions

    0
    Ho0ksie125
    Ho0ksie125

    4 years ago

    What did I just read?

    0
    Advar
    Advar

    7 years ago on Introduction

    You, Sir, are a nutter.
    How do I join the club?

    0
    Metal4God
    Metal4God

    13 years ago on Introduction

    OK royalestel make sure to take your pills today.

    0
    royalestel
    royalestel

    Reply 13 years ago on Introduction

    Whoa, Fender, weren't you SamChursa yesterday?

    0
    royalestel
    royalestel

    Reply 13 years ago on Introduction

    And now you changed your name again? Alrighty then.

    0
    royalestel
    royalestel

    Reply 13 years ago on Introduction

    Which ones? They're all so . . . Little. Yellow. Different.

    0
    ZachPosey
    ZachPosey

    13 years ago on Introduction

    poor sock YOU KILLED HIM!!! *continues crying* lol jk nice one though

    0
    matt_the_awsome

    i dont mean this the rude way but what the? ya if some ppl here had some more humor

    0
    royalestel
    royalestel

    Reply 13 years ago on Introduction

    hehe. Everybody's got a different sense of humor. Some people don't like the "Quest for the Holy Grail".

    0
    ninjaman
    ninjaman

    13 years ago on Introduction

    Hillarious! If only more people on this site had a good sense of humor...

    0
    abbabibble2
    abbabibble2

    13 years ago on Introduction

    OMFG this made me bust up laughing! + rating to you!

    0
    royalestel
    royalestel

    Reply 13 years ago on Introduction

    Now THAT is what I was going for! Awe-sizzum! Thanks abba.

    0
    gmoon
    gmoon

    13 years ago on Introduction

    Great job with all the photo editing/manipulating! Too bad more instructables aren't this funny (especially those that don't seem to instruct...)

    0
    royalestel
    royalestel

    Reply 13 years ago on Introduction

    Ah thanks. I just up and did it in a couple hours. I had a lot of fun.