How to Say No to Abuse

Introduction: How to Say No to Abuse

Domestic violence is an evil that has plagued the Indian society for years. Wives and kids, and sometimes the husbands, have been its victims. However, most people prefer to remain silent about this issue, as if it never existed. What deters them is usually the shame and embarrassment, or the fear that their abuser will harm them more if their misdeed was exposed.

Most of us are bystanders and witnesses to different types of abuses, and at times it can be really difficult to figure out how to help those we think are the victim of abuse, without provoking the abuser. And in many scenarios, the victim is not even ready to reveal what is happening to him or her. So if someone declines to discuss domestic violence issues, it’s definitely due to the fear of the abuser or other issues which make it difficult to talk about such as personal experiences.

If you want to help someone who is a victim of abuse, then try familiarizing him or her with the challenges posed by the issue. These can be emotional, safety, legal, economic and social challenges that the victim might face in the future. If you are wondering what you can do to stop abuse around you, then you can try the following:

Step 1: Understand

Talk to the person who you think is being abused, but make sure that the abuser is not around. Approach them in a non-blaming, non-judgmental and understanding way and let them know that they are not alone.

You can say things like “I’m worried about you and your safety” or “This is not how things should be”. If the person is not responding the way you expect them to, then wait for a few days or weeks before you bring the issue up again.

Step 2: Help Out

Let them know that you will help them, and don’t push your point of view or belief onto them.

Step 3: Support

Be a good listener and use supportive language. Such cases are quite sensitive to be tackled with harsh words.

Step 4: Don’t Judge

Don’t say anything bad about their abuser. Don’t make the victim feel that they are to be blamed for the situation that they are in.

Step 5: Don’t Demoralize

Don’t depress the victim further by saying things like “I would leave the relationship if I was in your situation.” You aren’t in their situation, but they are. So understand they may have their own reasons which you can’t judge from a distance.

Step 6: Show Them Hope

Remind the victim that they deserve to be happy and healthy in their relationship, and no one should treat them in a hurtful manner. Let them know that domestic violence is a punishable crime.

Step 7: Look for Help

If you think that the situation is going out of hand, make a point to contact your local domestic violence agency for help.

Step 8: Give Out Information

Provide the person with resource information like the number of a domestic violence hotline or agency, or simply put them in touch with someone you think can be of help.

Step 9: Win Trust

Be someone who is supportive of them and is always there to help them.

Domestic violence comes in different forms and is not something a decent civilization would approve of. So if you think that someone you know or you yourself are a victim of abuse, then raise your voice before things go out of hand. Any sort of violence, even violence against children is not acceptable. Stop violence in childhood and don’t let any childhood get scarred.

What do you think? Share your thoughts and suggestions in the comment section below.

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    6 years ago on Introduction

    I hope a lot of people read this, as well as pmcfluffington's and ashleyjlong's comments. We need to stop abuse in any form. Well done.


    6 years ago on Introduction

    Did you know that it is estimated that there are as many women that are abusive as men? Its just the men don't tell.


    6 years ago on Introduction

    I'm glad that this subject is important to you and that you've endeavored to break it down for others who want to help someone in trouble. My main suggestions would be the following:

    For Step 1, I find that it is easier to get someone to open up by asking questions, rather than making statements. So, rather than TELLING them "this is not how things should be", try asking the person "How does this make you feel? Do you think this is the way a relationship should be?" Hearing themselves say that it isn't right is much more effective than hearing you say it. When you can get a person to admit it to themselves, that is the first step toward a positive change.

    For Step 9, I suppose I would call it "Gain Trust" or "Earn Trust". The term Win sounds like it could be manipulative. Also, this comes way earlier in the process; near step 1 or 2. You must earn the abused person's trust before they're going to listen to you or let you guide them anywhere.


    6 years ago

    DO NOT CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES ON SOMEONE ELSE UNLESS IT IS ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE CONDITIONS!!!!! I have been through CPS myself at age 15 and because they thought that parents arguing caused me anxiety but it never did. FOR 6 MONTHS I HAD A GLIMPSE OF HELL IN CPS!!!!! I got beaten up, smacked when walked by, chocked, hygenine box containments thrown across the bathroom floor with the box peed in, whipped/popped by towels in the shower, had my bible stolen 2 times but still got it back after room searches but had huge retaliation, had to guard everything I had closely, bathrooms at one location I was at for 4 months had about 6 toilets with one not working and 5 showers all in same room with nothing but shower curtains that were ripped up to give a false sense of privacy, people walk in and open the curtain while I was on the toilet and laughing, making fun of me constantly, horrible schooling system, had one person at the location I was at for 4 months get his teeth knocked out in the middle of the night, bedrooms where shared 2-3 people per room (2 at first location 3 at 2nd location for 4 months with no closets, barely got to see my parents, rarely saw my dog that I gave grown up with since I was 4 my only dog(my profile pic) and I am an only child, home visites were rare until end every weekend but were always only 8 hour visites until 3 weekends at the end they were overnight passes, was a huge pain in the butt to get back out, I tried to fake commiting sucide to get out in a hospital because of the kids and 2nd location I was at but when a kid yelled that I had a belt around my neck tring to kill myself all the kids came over and looked in the bedroom and started laughing, one even said "about time", they even tried to block the staff from entering the room, the staff waited for 2 hours before finally calling mobile crisis, CPS thought that because I was mentally falling apart like this that I was not mentally stable enough to be able to go back home yet all I ever told them was that I want to go back home and that all of that was because of the fact that I was not home and that I was getting abused by the kids, CPS waited 4-5 weeks in to disenroll me from my 9th grade high school (still have people asking me where I was for half the year), never got a chance to say bye to friends and family, no cellphone, no Internet, got some tv, no video games except at first location (there for 64 days) we had an xbox 360 that was donated but could only play games that where E or E-10, got a lot of broken promises, could only talk to my parents for 20 minutes a week (5 minutes on monday, 5 on thrusday, 10 on Saturday) and could call anyone on my approved list (only family members or parents cellphone or home numbers) and spilt up the call at first location but at 2nd location (there for 4 months and was the worst location) got 15 minutes on Monday, 15 on Wednesday, and 15 on Friday, but only one number each time no splitting time, my parents separated and filed for divorce because that was the only way either one could get custody of me back, got my medicine I take for sleep, server ADHD, and high blood pressure messed up after I finally thought that for the first time in my life I had actually gotten my medicine about 99% perfect (been taking medicine sense I was 5 years old so I will not abuse it as I know the importantance of it because I started at age 5), I got pulled from my best school year of my life as everything was going great for the first time ever, I still have nightmares from CPS all the time, there is still more that I have not written because somehow I have successfully forgotten it and would like to do that to the rest but that might not happen or will definitely take a while, ALL OF THIS CHANGED ME AND MY LIFE FOR A LONG TIME AND NOT FOR GOOD EITHER!!!!!