Introduction: How to Shame Yourself Into Cleaning Your Room.
So you can barely move in your room. When you look around to see what you've accomplished with your life, you can't even focus on one item. Thank God this is not a Disney cartoon, where every item is anthropomorphic and capable of speech (or flight).
It is likely that your living quarters have been like this for quite some time. Maybe you've gotten busy with school or work or just can't bring yourself to do one damn bit of house work since they closed the LIberace Museum. We all suffer from life, but a supremely messy room only exacerbates the feelings of doom.
The best plan is to take a brutally honest look at your failings and shame yourself into action (taking pictures and then posting them on the internet for the world to see your horrible life helps too) . There will most likely be a few sets of eyes in your room to help with the guilting, as you will see.
It is likely that your living quarters have been like this for quite some time. Maybe you've gotten busy with school or work or just can't bring yourself to do one damn bit of house work since they closed the LIberace Museum. We all suffer from life, but a supremely messy room only exacerbates the feelings of doom.
The best plan is to take a brutally honest look at your failings and shame yourself into action (taking pictures and then posting them on the internet for the world to see your horrible life helps too) . There will most likely be a few sets of eyes in your room to help with the guilting, as you will see.
Step 1: Shame One: No Such Thing As a Work Space, Just Junk Space.
Consider how much work you need to get done, want to get done.
Now look at that "work" table covered in dirty dishes, edibles next to toxics, cherished DVDs laying face up, letters from your mother, receipts for things you shouldn't have purchased.
Next look at that chair, where you sit to work if it would allow you. Instead, filling the place your rump should occupy are clothes, books, a fan and a towel that smells like feet. Of course. Shame smells a lot like feet, too.
Now look at that "work" table covered in dirty dishes, edibles next to toxics, cherished DVDs laying face up, letters from your mother, receipts for things you shouldn't have purchased.
Next look at that chair, where you sit to work if it would allow you. Instead, filling the place your rump should occupy are clothes, books, a fan and a towel that smells like feet. Of course. Shame smells a lot like feet, too.
Step 2: Shame 2: Storage Is for the Weak.
Observe your closet(s) and shelving units virtually vomiting your sweet possessions. You've given up being angry whenever you step on/break a treasure.
Remember that time you broke that butterfly collection your great-great grandmother left to you? Concentrate on that sinking feeling in your stomach.
Remember that time you broke that butterfly collection your great-great grandmother left to you? Concentrate on that sinking feeling in your stomach.
Step 3: Shame 3: My What a Lovely Pile You Have.
You've long considered yourself a collector of fine items, you've got a love for music, art and antiques. What better way to show your respect for all these things than to make horrific piles as a means to display your lovelies? Dwell on the knowledge that you have cramped your own style with bullshit.
Step 4: Shame 4: All of the Eyes in Your Room Are Judging You.
By now every inanimate object with eyes is giving you the what-for, and rightfully so.
That plant is cursing you in your sleep.
And you should be getting the creeping suspicion that all of those pictures of your family members (even the pictures of yourself as a child) are judging you with all their familial might.
That plant is cursing you in your sleep.
And you should be getting the creeping suspicion that all of those pictures of your family members (even the pictures of yourself as a child) are judging you with all their familial might.
Step 5: Shame 5: Banish Squalor.
Now that you've been rightfully shamed by your belongings and memories, it is time to gingerly-step-over-items into action.
Throw away all those pictures of David Lynch you printed at work.
Wash them dishes.
Fold the clean clothes, wash the dirty.
Hang all those pretty dresses.
Properly store all those drawings and screen prints you've spent too much of your student loans on.
Consider and then act on the urge to give a vast amount of your belongings to charity.
Take a nap in your freshly awesome home.