Instructions on How to Climb a Staircase

by absurdables

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Intro: Instructions on How to Climb a Staircase


No one will have failed to observe that frequently the floor bends in such a way that one part rises at a right angle to the plane formed by the floor and then the following section arranges itself parallel to the flatness, so as to provide a step to a new perpendicular, a process which is repeated in a spiral or in a broken line to highly variable elevations.

Ducking down and placing the left hand on one of the vertical parts and right hand upon the the corresponding horizontal, one is in momentary possession of a step or stair.

Each one of these steps, formed as we have seen by two elements, is situated somewhat higher and further than the one prior, a principle which gives the idea of a staircase, while whatever other combination, producing perhaps more beautiful or picturesque shapes, would surely be incapable of translating one from the ground floor to the first floor.

STEP 1: Parts


You
and a
set of stairs
arranged together
to make a staircase.

STEP 2:


Tackle a stairway face on, for if you try it backwards or sideways, it ends up being particularly uncomfortable.

(The natural stance consists of holding yourself upright, arms hanging easily at the sides, head erect but not so much so that the eyes no longer see the steps immediately above, while one tramps up, breathing lightly and with regularity.)

STEP 3:


To climb a staircase begin by lifting that part of the body located below and to the right, usually encased in leather or deerskin, and which, with a few exceptions, fits exactly on the stair.

STEP 4:


Set down the said part on the first step (to abbreviate we shall call it “the foot”).

STEP 5:


Draw up the equivalent part on the left side (also called “foot” but not to be confused with “the foot” cited above), and lift this other part to the level of “the foot,” so it continues along until it is set in place on the second step, at which point the foot will rest, and “the foot” will rest on the first.

(The first steps are always the most difficult, until you acquire the necessary coordination. The coincidence of names between the foot and “the foot” makes the explanation more difficult. Be especially careful not to raise, at the same time, the foot and “the foot.”)

STEP 6:


Having arrived by this method at the second step, it's easy enough to repeat the movements alternately, until one reaches the top of the staircase.

STEP 7:


You can now get off the staircase easily, with a light tap of the heel to fix it in place, to make sure it will not move until you are ready to come down.

92 Comments

TheDiyFan 11 years ago

Wow! Now I can finally leave my bedroom and get something to eat. Oops! How do I get down now!!!!!!!!!! I can't get a grasp on how you place your foot while going down!!!!!!! Plz tell us how to go down plz!!!! Otherwise I'm up here forever!!!

rastita 13 years ago

Please... Read to Cortazar. Is an Argentinian writer, who wrote this original Instructable....

apo1l0 14 years ago

Sweet, now I can up and out of my basement bedroom.  I thought that I was stuck down here for the rest of time.  Thank you so much for the instructable......  Now to go and practice this new skill. :D

Oyarsa 14 years ago

 Ok, so I followed your instructions carefully, and I finally go to see what the 2nd story of my house looks like! (I didn't know I had a kid) But when I got there, I forgot the tap to fix it in place and the stairs migrated south for the winter. Urgent help needed!!!! What do I do, because it's like a 15 foot drop onto cement from up here?

P.S. My kid keeps saying he has something called a "Cell Phone," whatever that is. What is this and could it help us get off of here? Please make an instructable on how to use this strange device.

Poogle 13 years ago

hee hee hee

999592 14 years ago

 i love you people

muffinhead 14 years ago

 What do you mean by "you people?" >:(

999592 14 years ago

 what do you mean, "what do you mean you people?"

wenpherd 14 years ago

What do mean," what do you mean, 'what do you mean you people?' "

AlfredoSG 14 years ago

 I think she meant: "what do you mean you people you people mean you?"

AlfredoSG 14 years ago

 I apologize. Sincerely.

loppy96 14 years ago

Riveting absolutely riveting

ArtStockton 14 years ago

This belongs in the Hitchhikers guide.

theexternaldisk 14 years ago

Finally,  I know why I always fall of the stairs! So there is a difference between 'the foot' and 'foot'. I'm going to try this instructable right now!

siedpe13 14 years ago

i would love to see more guides like this one, preferably one for beginners like myself. i personally dont have the time, and its even possible to consider that i just not might have the skill to climb stairs, but maybe if you could do an instructable for advanced-crawling or walking i would apprecieate it quite a bit.

thanks
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