Introduction: Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

By
About: I get restless, so I make things.

The recipe for the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is as follows:

  1. Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit.
  2. Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V (Oh, that Santragian seawater! Oh, those Santragian fish!)
  3. Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).
  4. Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in honor of all those happy hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia.
  5. Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qalactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heavy odors of the dark Qalactin Zones, subtle, sweet, and mystic.
  6. Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.
  7. Sprinkle Zamphuor.
  8. Add an olive.
  9. Drink . . . but . . . very carefully . . .

The methods and ingredients used in the preparation of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster vary slightly when mixing the drink on Earth. This recipe describes suitable ingredient substitutions for those that cannot be found on this planet.


Step 1: Santraginus V Sea Water

Chanh Muối, or Preserved Lemons provide a saltiness similar to that of Santraginus V Sea Water.

Smash one quarter of one preserved lemon into the bottom of each glass, preferably with a small gold brick.

Step 2: Arcturan Mega-gin

Arcturan Mega-gin is not so different from earth gin. The "mega" is due to the fact that the gin is ultra bruised from traveling through the depths of the most turbulent space at the speed of an Arcturan megacamel in a dark matter powered blender. Unfortunately, nothing on earth has enough power to bruise gin to this extent, so we will simply shake it with ice as vigorously as possible for 30 seconds. But wait! The gin must be shaken with the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Read on.

Step 3: Fallian Marsh Gas and Ol' Janx Spirit

Fallian marsh gas provides a slight carbonation to the cocktail. Ol' Janx Spirit has a flavor not dissimilar from ginger. Luckily, ginger beer has both of these qualities.

Step 4: Qalactin Hypermint Extract

Qalactin Hypermint extract can be described as subtle, sweet, and mystic. Unfortunately for humans, the flavor is so subtle, it tastes no different than ice.

Step 5: Algolian Suntiger Tooth

The Algolian Suntiger is a ferocious beast; it is lucky that none exist on earth. 1 habanero pepper shaken with gin and ice provides a warming sensation to the drink, similar to that of the AT tooth.

Step 6: Zamphuor

Zamphuor is simply crushed ice.

Step 7: Pan Galactic

The final recipe, with consideration for the substitutions described.

3 parts gin

2 parts ginger beer

1/4 preserved lemon, per glass

1/2 habanero per glass

ice

Smash 1/4 preserved lemon in each glass. Shake, gin, ice and sliced habanero pepper for 30 seconds. Distribute in glasses. Nearly top glasses with ginger beer. Sprinkle with crushed ice. Garnish with an olive.


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