Introduction: The Perfect Buffalo Sauce!

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About: I like to make stuff.
Quick you want something to put on your chicken that rhymes with "Suffalo Bauce", the words of the day. With all of the possibilities out there, what ever will you make? I know what you'll make: Buffalo Sauce. I'm sure by now you're thinking, "Wow, Chase! You must be a master of the English Language!". Well, I am, and I know that "color" has no "U" *cough cough* Britain. Welcome to America where we spell things the right way. Where was I? Oh, yeah Buffalo Sauce. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa... what are you doing? Back away from those car keys, you can make that right here, at home. With your new powers of making food on your own, with my help, you will make the PERFECT Buffalo Sauce. "What makes it so perfect?", you may ask. Well, kiddo, this sauce has the burning power of a thousand suns, but only if you want it to, this sauce is fully customizable. The other great thing about this sauce is the burn. It starts out subtle, with the slightest burn, so small it almost tastes sweet. Then, the burn comes. More and more with each bite, slowly but surely, giving you the best taste ever. If you follow my directions, you'll get the burning of about 13.7 suns. two of those being white dwarves, 1.7 supernovas, 5 red giants, 3 nebulae and two black holes.


Let's do this.

Step 1: Setting Up the Base

Okay, you think you can handle it? See if you can get this out of your fridge:
  • 20 parts ranch
  • 5 parts Frank's Red Hot
  • 3 parts Cholula
  • 12 (Can you do the math? Hint: it's 1) part Sriracha (Rooster) Sauce
Now put that all in a bowl, and whisk it with a fork. What are you doing!?! I said WHISK not mix! Did I stutter? You disgust me. Time out 15 minutes! Cover the bowl in saran wrap and stick to sauce in the fridge.

What's that?

Yes, I promise the sauce won't get less spicy when you put it in the fridge. Now go to the corner, fifteen minutes.

Step 2: Out of Timeout

Now that you're out of timeout let's begin. Now, you've probably looked at the sauce and saw that it looks just like you, weak and pathetic, a buffalo sauce shouldn't look this white, it should be red! A manly red! So let's add about 5 drops of red food coloring, nice job, now this is starting to look intimidating.

Step 3: Making It Perfect

Now that you've made it look good, now we can make it taste good! Add the following:
  • a meh amount of Cayenne (to give it a long lasting burn)
  • quite a bit Cinnamon (to mask the spice at the beginning)
  • and a dab Horseradish (to make the cinnamon not as sweet)
This is where you can really adjust the amount of burn. Add or remove what you think is necessary to make it perfect for you.

Step 4: We're Done!

You did it. I'm so proud of you *sniff*. I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

With your new found cooking affinity, you can do anything! Especially, apply this Buffalo Suace to things like chicken, burgers, buffalo, annoying roommate's toothbrush, fries, cake (you can, but you probably shouldn't) and much much more!