Top 10 Evil Techniques to Get Your Teen Out of Bed

Yes, the current system is rigged for the convenience of adults -- teens should be allowed to start school at noon and go to bed in the wee hours.

And????

If you're blessed like me, you will begin each day in a battle to get your teen out of bed.  ENJOY IT!!  This is a rare opportunity to be evil with NO GUILT.  After all, THEY BENEFIT from getting to school on time, right????  

Step 1: Bacon . . .

Cook bacon . Place a small but tempting piece on each of 3 or 4 plates, put the dog outside (!), place plates on the floor leading from your teen’s room toward the bathroom. If necessary, wave the bacon near his/her nose.

Step 2: Puppy Love . . .

Borrow the neighbor’s puppy (you don’t want your own puppy, you have a teen!) and put it near your teen’s face. Licking will probably do the trick. If not, the puppy will soon pee on your teen and that should work.

Step 3: Heart to Heart . . .

Sit on the edge of your teen’s bed and say, “You know, we haven’t really talked for awhile. Do you have time or do you have to get up and get ready for school?”

Step 4: What I'm Talkin' About . . .

Set a radio/CD player, etc. on the far side of your teen’s room.  

Turn it on to something gut-wrenchingly obnoxious.

Liberace leaps to MY mind, but Justin Bieber would probably be more effective.

Step 5: MOM -- Grossssss . . .

Climb in bed (under the covers) with your teen. Most kids will shout, “Ewwwwww, MOM!!!!” and leap out of bed. If your kid snuggles and asks for a backrub, it’s time for a new strategy. Try licking your child’s cheek – the urgent need to remove mom spit requires the sink.

Step 6: Do Me a Favor? . . .

Pay a sibling to stand in your teen’s doorway and flaunt that they are wearing your teen’s favorite shirt/outfit. Prepare to defend sibling from severe bodily injury.

Step 7: Brrrrrr . . .

Use an icy cold, wet washcloth. This is a fun and very effective tool. Let your imagination soar!

Step 8: P . . . U . . .

Rub something that smells disgusting on your teen’s pillow -- compost juice, cat piss, belly button jam, etc.  Just to be safe, rub some on the sheet as well since your teen will undoubtedly chuck the pillow at you.

Step 9: Hon, Don't Move . . .

Place a spider [substitute your teen’s terror insect here] on your teen’s pillow. Casually mention it to your teen.

Step 10: Oh Look, Jessica Thinks You're Hot . . .

Make a show of connecting to your teen’s Facebook account – the snooping potential alone will horrify them. If necessary, tell them what nefarious and truly evil posts you have in mind. (NOTE: Use your teen’s cell phone for FB access – you probably won’t need a password.)

Comments

[cospleia]

Hey, these are cruel! And evil! They rate up there with Jabba the Hutt. That is a teen's opinion.

Happily, I sleep like a log most of the time. But here's one that no one's mentioned (and one I am immune too! :-p): Tell them that their boy/girlfriend/crush is knocking on the door. (have someone go downstairs, and knock loudly.) Then have someone yell, "Suchandsuch is asking for Clarissa!"

The secret.....well I won't tell you that! ;)

[cospleia]

Oh, and by the way, who likes Justin what's-his-last-name?

[infernisdiem]

a shot glass full of cold water to the face should work

[randomray]

With the bacon , you can leave the dog/s inside and put the bacon in the teens room where he can't reach it without getting out of bed . Then close the door to the teens bedroom and the dog will be right outside the door trying to get in and whining . Mouhahaha .... field tested by an evil father snicker ...

[am wooly]

i just rolled over and squashed the spider. putting their speakers on full blast and knocking out some bassy music should work.

[The nerdling]

another way is if your siblings, parents go outside before you get up they might put their cold hands on your belly, it gets me up easily

[ginger20037]

Pssh! That all you got? I sleep through all of that! xD Try a squirt bottle of water, that's about the only thing that can get me up... Okay so food does too.... though I go back to sleep almost immediately after taking care of the food issue (mostly it's toast or a bacon egg and cheese sandwich) seriously, how can anyone ignore food? Unless your sick or something...

[tinker234]

i just hook up a few speakers and a bomb sound on a timer should add hydrolic jacks and a few gunshoot noises on a timer lights and a big red button im going to do that this summer

[bowmaster]

Or, attach pneumatic actuators to one side of the bed, so you can hit a button and shoot them off the bed.

[flamesami]

interesting...i'm usually the one who get my mum up on school days...vice-versa on weekends...maybe it has something to do with wanting to get through school as soon as possible..you can only skip about 3 weeks worth of lessons here without risking failing...=(

[Neon Panda]

Hahahaha :'D
I would DIE if someone woke me up by playing Justin Bieber...
But before I would kill them ;)

[cburrevans]

Check out the World's Loudest Alarm Clock on You Tube :-)

[jagrfelm]

LOL very awesome... I'm going to have to forward this to my work colleagues.

[cburrevans]

Thanks! :-D

[hg341]

shot them with a paintball gun...
or alarm clocks (lots of them)(hiden)(set to dif times)
ball bearing in boiling(or hot) water

[cburrevans]

Alarm clocks sounds great. Have you ever been shot with a paintball gun? Ouch!!! Don't actually hurt them, please!

[cburrevans]

I agree, Rs master -- alarm clocks are super important, especially once you don't have a mom around to harass you! :-D

Thanks for the comments.

[hg341]

im 18 i dont have kids
i think the alarm clocks is the best thing to get people up out of bed
i have nightmares about my alarm clock and i really hate the damn thing
but to get you up you have to put it a cross the room

[dchall8]

Corollary to 7: Keep a bag of marbles in the freezer and dump them in the bed.

[cburrevans]

Good one :-D