The forums are retiring and are now closed for new topics and comments. The existing content will remain online and accessible through 2020 to provide everyone the opportunity to save any relevant information. In the spring of 2021, these Community forums will be taken offline.

Search for Handicapped in Topics


Electric Handicap Scooter parts, any ideas???

Heya guys I just aquired and parted out a electric handicap scooter from a rummage sale for 20 bucks. It is a three wheeler. Batteries are dead (read, toast). Im tring to figure out what to so with the gearbox/motor assembly. It is all one unit. Im trying to think of some kind EV project. I thought perhaps putting some larger 26in wheels on the axle ends to gear it up, and make some sort of cargo trike. Any other ideas would be appreciated

Topic by JerryMopar    |  last reply


Alternative to keyboard

On top is a joystick like an NES joystick. It registers 8 different directions: up, down, left, right, and the in-betweens of those and is controlled by the thumb. Then there are 4 buttons, one for each finger. The joystick replaces the trackpad of a laptop and hopefully is also 'clickable'  to act as a 'left click button. I'm not sure what would do the right click button. Combinations of button presses and joystick directions would replace the keys on a keyboard. I only have the use of my right hand. I initially thought of this as a device for handicapped people like myself, but it would also be good for people lying in bed. The concept maybe could be made into a cell phone case with physical buttons that would allow people to text without looking at their phones. The device is a lot like the nintendo wi remote, but not quite. Maybe a wii remote could be hacked to make a prototype. I wouldn't know how to do that and I wouldn't know how to program it, that's why I'm posting, to see if someone could tell me what kind of skills/knowledge would be needed to make this idea happen. Any suggestions or offers to help are welcome. Thank you!

Topic by avocadostains    |  last reply


Bluetooth Headset mod with LED's

I have an idea, I need a good starting place. My father is deaf.  I want to get him a cell phone and send him SMS text messages.  I obviously don't have to worry about him running up minutes on my cell plan.  What I want is a bracelet or watch band that lights up with LED's.  The LED's would stay lit up until a reset button of some kind was pressed.  The phone would have to be linked via bluetooth with some kind of handset protocol that would set off the LED's. A fake watch would be ideal.  The watch innards could be big enough for the bluetooth circuitry and the battery. Dick R.

Topic by dreichen    |  last reply


Selecting DC motor for "Electric car for handicapped people"

Hi friends.. I am working on my final year project "Electric car for handicapped people", all i want you people to tell me that which type of DC motor should i use, so that it could run 500 kg car at a speed of 60 km/h.... and how much volt DC motor should i use... so friends help me, a little knowledge sharing  will help me allot... i will be waiting for your replies...

Question by waseemhaider.syed    |  last reply


trying to get the wood for a handicap ramp we both are poor and cant afford to buy it

A handicap ramp i am a poor lady trying to help another poor lady out trying to find wood to build a ramp 2 by 4 's and 2 by 6's is what i am looking for if you can help me out plz e-mail me

Question by loving    |  last reply


DIY mobility scooter? Out of pocket expense is too great for one of these anyone know how to make a safe one?? Answered

It must be able to carry 250 lbs.; battery charge of 6-8 miles; turning radius of 30 inches or be able to swivel through a door way from a hallway; be able to go up a 30 degree slope occasionally; have a basket to hold things in, and weigh less than 60 pounds.

Question    |  last reply


Need a design for an outdoor wheelchair that converts to a bed for handicapped person to go camping again?

I would like to build an all-terrain wheelchair that folds into a bed so I can take my adult brother with MS camping again.  Could use soft balloon tires and something like a lounge chair style that lies flat to make a bed.  It needs to have at least one firm arm that he can pull on to turn himself a little.  Ideally it could be converted to a bed while he is in it so he can rest if he needs to.  I would be so grateful for any help.  -CJ

Question by cjkip    |  last reply


Dried eyes throughout the house.

Time to give the world another lesson in proper comedy. BIG TRAIN (Posted on behalf of a member still handicapped by an inability to post topics.)

Topic by Kiteman    |  last reply


Self opening-closing drawer

I'm hoping someone can help. I have a handicap that makes opening drawers and cupboards impossible via touch. Aside from foot. I've been trying to come up with a solution for this for a while now.  I need something that takes up little, if any drawer space. Is relatively cheap (since it needs to be replicated across multiple locations). Can be opened/stopped/closed via a single foot pedal. And that will stop if it encounters some sort of obstruction. Actuators that are able to open drawers to the size needed are very expensive, and I'm unsure if they have the stop function in case of blockage. Anyone have any suggestions/

Topic by sanguish    |  last reply


Best choice of a scooter for elderly parent? Answered

Does anyone know of best scooters in the market for parents too sick or too old to move freely by themselves. Thank you very much for your help.

Question by blkhawk    |  last reply


handicap easy around cart i want to speed up electric motor to get more speed out of the cart ?

I can get around now don't need the cart so i want to see just how fast ,or speed i can get  of this thing.It has a turtle & rabbit  dial turtle 1mpr & rabbit  is a fast walking pace it runs off  a 12 volt  25 amp deep charge batteries   and  an electric  motor and the rear wheels are mounted  directly to the motor i am not  a student of  electricity but know just enough to be dangerous thx u just lookin to have some fun.if if  i cant make it faster with electric theirs a lawn mower engine (last resorts)   

Question by mark vanderwal    |  last reply


Is it possible to build an elevator for a treehouse using water and pulleys or gears?

Hello, I am attempting to build an ecolodge comprised of several treehouses and I would like it to be handicap accessible. I want to be as environmentally conscious as I can and I would like to know if anyone out there would have any ideas as to how an outside elevator could be constructed using water, pulleys, or gears that would also look as if it belonged next to the tree if you know what I mean.       Thank you for your time,                                              Matt

Question by squatcher1089    |  last reply


Looking for instructions on a sound masker to defeat listening bugs?

I have a friend who is going through a rough divorce and we think it is quite likely that he has bugged her house. He has used electronic bugs in the past, his daughter is mentally and physically handicapped and he put it on her wheel chair to hear what happened during her first day of middle school. I am looking for cheap instructions on how to build a device to detect it and/or instructions on a device like you read about in espionage books that produces noise that makes anything a bug picks up unintelligible.

Question by Shadow13!    |  last reply


3D Printers for Special Needs Makers

Cameron is a wheelchair-bound maker in Colorado using 3D Printing.  He's especially interested in creating a head motion-controlled robotic arm that would use 3D Printing to make the brackets and fixtures to mount a portable system onto a wheelchair.  This robotic arm would really help people like Cameron navigate the world, but it could also be used at a workbench by non-handicapped makers as a 3rd arm.   So, an Indigogo campaign was started to raise funds to help Makers with specific physical needs get access to 3d printing: http://youtu.be/J2QsMNqi09w   http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/3d-printers-for-special-needs-makers Go, look, it's cool.

Topic by Kiteman  


Wi-fi enabled window shutters

I want to automate (4)  sets of window shutters (called Plantation shutters.). I have the mechanical parts worked out which I plan to power with a servo motor on each.  Can someone help me work this out? I am somewhat handicapped now and have difficulty getting around from room to room.  There are a total of (22) actual shutters, but I will have the shutters on each window linked together with a rod powered by a positioning servo...four windows...four servos.  The operation can be simultaneous.  I do not need to operate them separately. Thank you for any help you can give.

Topic by hrp1937  


Human Electric Hybrid Vehicle

The HE Human Electric Hybrid Vehicle It looks like an interesting concept car. Although, it might be hard to find somebody who wants to pedal it. I really like the solar panels on top, and how on the downhill, it charges a capacitor for energy.This HE Human Electric Hybrid Vehicle concept uses the power of your muscles as well electricity stored in the batteries. It allows smooth and constant velocity both uphill (with the help of the electric motor), as well as downhill (when the wheel acts as a generator and charges the batteries). The vehicle can turn 360 degrees maintaining stability all the time. Additional power is acquired from photovoltaic placed on top of the vehicle as well as during de-acceleration from regenerative braking. Elderly and handicapped people that are unable to provide enough kinetic energy can also charge the batteries directly from the grid.

Topic by Brennn10    |  last reply


added value of raised beds?

My main hobby is gardening. I eat from my garden, 450 m^2, year round, and even have lots of extra space to play around, grow flowers or experiment. I see many new (US) instructables with raised beds, inspired by a popular book (Batholomeuw). It claims to have higher yields, and lower requirements of water, and work. In Europe, we are unfamiliar with this method (unless for elderly or handicapped people). It raises a few questions, but only to be answered by folks having experience in BOTH traditional methods AND the raised bed garden: In normal circumstances, do the claims of this method uphold? Adding the soil mix: 1/3 vermiculite (=clay), 1/3 peat and 1/3 compost. What kind of compost? Where does it come from? About the yearly renewing of the soil|:- again, where does the compost come from? For compost making: Is the household excess sufficient, or does extra material has to be added?? Why are these questions important? Gardening in the traditional way is nearly carbon neutral, unless all physical work is mechanized. But (the concept of) soil ecology is very precious; just covering it and putting this mix over it almost alarms me!

Question by BobS    |  last reply


555 timer to make led's flash in this circuit ?

Ok so my handicapped uncle has a 3 wheeler bike that he goes everywhere in day or night and I'm always worried about him being hit by a car in the dark so i wanted to make a light bar  with 7 orange led's so he could be seen by cars and then i though of incorporating a solar panel so he wouldn't have to charge battery's (the battery's charge while hes out during the day and light up at night) but now i think it would help if the led's were to flash i have a few 555 ic's but I'm not to sure how to use them id like to use one in this light bar to make them flash heres a sketchup model of the lightbar http://sketchup.google.com/3dwarehouse/details?mid=60db9f5dd7284717d25303acb02b2c20&prevstart;=0 thanks in advance Ps i also have some pcb boards if needed PPS if there are any improvements you would like to suggest these are apreciated PPPs if you would like to add the 555 circuit to the sketchup models email it to me at brl1995@hotmail.com Thanks! thanks for your help in advance!

Question by brl60    |  last reply


Headphone Project - Member Help ideas needed to make.

Headphone Project Idea Member Help NeededI am in need of securing help from the general members of Instructables.com in developing a special headphone for handicapped people. I, as do millions of others, suffer severe hearing loss. Many hearing disabled person may or may not wear hearing aids for various reasons. I wear hearing aids; as much as 18 hours a day. It would be a blessing to be able to remove the hearing aids and wear sound enhancing headphones tuned generally to the users hearing loss thereby allowing for the ability to select a setting to hear nearby live room conversation or TV/Music, etc through headphones in addition to only the usual noise cancellation feature. I hear T.V. perfectly with an old pair of SENNHEISER over the ear headphones but they lack the modern features. Also, I have seen Earbuds on the web that automatically determine the users hearing range and adjust as needed. But, they are only for sound and do not have the technology to hear live in room conversation, etc.Not sure if this is where I should post this.Your help is surely need. These headphones are sorely needed, I assure you.Thank you, BoBfnbob13@gmail.com

Question by BobK19    |  last reply


Custom furnishings and home items for people that can't bend over.

My mother has recently developed a kidney issue which causes a severe level of pain whenever she tries to bend over.  We basically need some ideas on re-outfitting the house with better possibilities so she can easily get to her household items without too much discomfort.  She is a stubborn one, and we will catch her writhing in pain before she asks anyone for help.  Because she will try to do these things anyway, we would like to make it alot less painful for her.  It is hard for her to get things out of her bottom cupboards.  I've been envisioning a pull-out platform with a round hole for her cane where she can insert her cane and pull the platform out and grab what she needs, but it would be even better if somehow this stuff could actually come up to her at a standing level.  My mind doesn't quite wrap around it.  I've seen an instructable for her to get things down from the top cupboards and I'm considering trying these out.  We also need a way for her to feed her pets, to set the dogfood bowls down onto the ground and retrieve them without pain.  I was picturing sort of a dolly-looking thing with a crank so she can forklift things up and down to herself.  I can see some of what we need in my head but I don't have the mechanical skills to put these things together.  I'd appreciate seeing some instructables of this nature or geared toward solving these types of problems. Thanks! If you see anything that may be use for me, please post a link and I will also share my findings.

Topic by sann6    |  last reply


3D printable exoskeleton arm for disabled open source project

This is a preliminary work in progress design for an open source 3D printable exoskeleton arm brace to assist the disabled to raise their arm. I have not yet tested this design and am seeking help with enhancing and improving this design. As someone with a form of muscular dystrophy called SMA, I have significant difficulty lifting my arms. Similar devices exist, but they are cost prohibitive for most people and not covered by insurance. I wanted to create an open source, inexpensive exoskeleton arm brace that utilizes both springs to offset arm weight and a motor to raise the individual's arm that would be free to download and modify. I want this to be open source and adaptable for anyone with a disability free of charge. Please note that for legal reasons, this is not intended as a medical devise and I make no warrentees nor can I vouch for the safety of this device as it is purely for experimentation. Part of the concept is that this arm brace will allow additional snap on attachments or modifications. Uses Metal Steel Winch System for 1/10 Traxxas HSP Redcat HPI TAMIYA CC01 RC Car Crawler from Wish. EMG Muscle Sensor Board Signal Detector Measuring Module For Arduino Controller Arduino Nano 3d Printable files. STL files Available in download https://www.tinkercad.com/things/jwaINNVbRJG https://www.tinkercad.com/things/1wDVb564JSe https://www.tinkercad.com/things/jwaINNVbRJG https://www.tinkercad.com/things/1wDVb564JSe https://www.tinkercad.com/things/jwaINNVbRJG https://www.tinkercad.com/things/1wDVb564JSe https://www.tinkercad.com/things/jwaINNVbRJG https://www.tinkercad.com/things/1wDVb564JSe https://www.tinkercad.com/things/jwaINNVbRJG Modification of IronArm by emac0094 is licensed under the Creative Commons - Attribution - Share Alike license. Remix by Eric Ovelgone darkrubymoon.com. Questions or suggestions for modifications can be emailed to darkrubymoonstore@gmail.com under subject exoskeleton 3d design.

Topic by DarkRubyMoon  


Free to Good Home

Just an Idea but if someone can market it feel free to, just send me one LOL. There are many medical alert necklaces / bracelets etc out there for people act risk of falling which is a good thing,but the catch to all of them is the monthly cost of subscribing to some monitoring service and $20 a month doesn't sound much but to someone on a fixed income it can be a big deal. It seems reasonable that someone out there could come up with a simple system using off the shelf stuff for a transmitter and receiver set up and hit the button and the receiver dials the first of say three numbers with a recorded message. It would dial out until it received a human, have it wait for the tone of someone pushing one or something and then play a recorded message "Help I've fallen and can't get up" or something and send help to 1313 Mockingbird Lane. You could put a relative or a neighbor first and a second perhaps then 911 or if the person is likely to need fast medical help have it dial straight to 911 but make it simple to program. Make the necklace / pendant play a sound when it's been activated and maybe make a 20 second pause before it dials out so people could cancel accidental triggers by picking up the phone or something, which cancels the tone from the pendant but leave the tone on once the first number has been dialed incase the victim loses consciousness so first alerters can find them quicker. Put a silence button on the receiving unit but disengage the phone silencing option in case the first person there picks up the phone... This seems a simple concept that people could sell for like $40 and I'd bet all my donuts there is a big market for something like this in that range, plus it would help a lot of people by taking away some of the fear of living alone as we age... And we all age. Any thoughts? Could it fly?

Topic by Senseless    |  last reply


Yuri's Night Bay Area: updated science/tech/art lineup announced

Prepare for Liftoff! www.worldspaceparty.org Get ready for something entirely different. On April 13th the Bay Area joins the world in celebration of space exploration in a unique convergence of artists, scientists, astronauts, performers and musicians. Yuri's Night is a commemoration of humankind’s first venture into space, by Russian Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin. This gathering bridges national, cultural, generational and social barriers to ignite excitement about what is new on the horizon in space exploration and to remind us of the magnificent feats humanity is capable of. Yuri's Night Bay Area will be held at Moffett Field in the NASA Ames Research Center's massive SOFIA hangar, home to the world's largest aerial observatory. Our host for the evening is pioneering space traveler Anousheh Anasari, the first privately funded female to reach orbit. She is joined by Dr. Chris McKay, world renowned expert in astrobiology and terraformation with the Space Science Division of NASA Ames Research Center, as they welcome you to a dazzling array of interactive art installations and science demos, interwoven with musical and acrobatic performances by some of the world's finest entertainers. Cutting-edge interactive technology and live demos will include: Neuro feedback games and visualizations including Telekinetic Asteroids and Mind RipplesExplorations of the world through NASA World Wind and Gigapan, the high-resolution panorama projectPortals into Second Life and Burning Man Earth, Google's Black Rock City browserA roofless stargazing lounge, with an exceptional telescope provided by NASASquidlabs' Instructables and ground-breaking kite technologyScience demonstrations and innovations from the worlds of robotics, engineering, biology and astronomy, will also be on display: A talk and interactive demos from a senior SETI scientist on efforts to detect earthquakes from spaceExplorations of Techgnosis by Erik DavisInteractive next-generation science data visualization software from NASA Ames' Astrophysics DivisionRobots from Justin Gray, Carnegie Mellon University, and NASA, including the next generation of roversExclusive heavenly imagery from SloohDisplays of microbial fossils, live microbial mats, and magnetic and fluorescent bacteriaASME's human-powered vehiclesEngage with space-inspired and technology-infused art installations, including: StarZipper, the 200 foot high installation powered by LEDs and Helium created by internationally renowned artist Michael Light and collaborator Dave RattrayPeter Foucault's self-propelled motion sensor Drawing RobotsSpot Draves' collaborative evolutionary high-definition visual algorithm generator, Electric SheepDynamically inflating sculptures by AKAirwaysHypKnowTron and ChakraTron, the interactive light sculptures by GaspoExperience rare video works documenting art in space: Matières Chorégraphiques by Kitsou Dubois, celebrated French dancer, choreographer and artistic director of Ki ProductionsProjects from the Zero Gravity Arts Consortium, Lowry Burgess's monumental project The Seed of the Infinite Absolute, Lorelei Lisowsky, and Frank Pietronigro's 'Drift Painting' in microgravityMeet Japan's space artist Ayako Ono and watch Jean Luc Soret's Space Art videos, direct from Paris's International @rt Outsiders Festival.The Documentary Dome, featuring our planet's greatest space documentariesWitness awe-inspiring space-themed performances by an armada of acrobats and dancers, featuring: KC Bella Fuega and Spiral Hoop Dance (orbital hooping and bellydance)Flowtoys (celestial light performance and UFO flowplanes)VigilAntiUP (intergalactic stilting)A Parade from the Future (with cutting edge Bay Area circuit benders and other worldly creatures).Live dance and acrobatics fused with audiovisual performances, will be coordinated with a world-class lineup of live electronic music: PLAID - Warp Records, UK TELEFON TEL AVIV - Hefty Records, Chicago (special early evening set) BLUETECH - Aleph Zero, Native State, Portland OOAH + BORETA - Glitch Mob, LA/SF SUTEKH - Context, Soul Jazz, Leaf MR. PROJECTILE & JONAH SHARP (aka SPACETIME CONTINUUM) - Merck, Reflective, Astralwerks RD - Designed Disorder, Glitch Mob, LA WELDER - Cyberset MOZAIC - Nexus DR. TOAST - False Profit Music environs will be complimented by a team of visual artists -- including KOSHO, CELESTINESTAR, RECURSIVEVIDEOLAB and VIBERATION -- spinning light into space throughout the night. Meanwhile, outside on the tarmac, the SPACE COWBOYS will have their own dynamic lineup of djs aboard their interstellar party transporter, the UNIMOG. Also on the tarmac will be Playaflies and Rabbit in the Moon's outside VJ set PLUS large scale sculpture and multimedia installations from the bay area's finest and beyond. This year’s theme is the greenification of space. The event is bio-diesel powered, a variety of organic food and drink will be available, waste products will be composted and recycled, and one tree will be planted for every ticket sold in an effort to offset the event's carbon emissions. Come join us in celebrating the accomplishments of mankind on a collective cosmic journey to the depths of space and beyond. Brought to you by Nexus, Symbiosis and so many others. *********************** Friday, April 13th, 2007 Event opens at 6:30pm NASA Ames Research Center* Moffett Field, Mountain View, CA, 94035 Tickets are on sale now. Limited $30 presale tickets still available, but not for long! Purchase advance tickets at: http://www.worldspaceparty.com/tickets.phpLimited VIP tickets available. Privileges include: VIP room overlooking the main floor, open bar and food throughout the evening, a chance to meet silicon valley innovators and dynamic thinkers, exclusive Bay Area Yuri's Night memorabilia and much more to be announced. PLUS! Space Cadets are invited to go weightless and experience zero-gravity on Sunday, April 22, 2007! This unique VIP experience will provide you with a ZeroG flight flown from San Jose International Airport PLUS exclusive access to all Yuri's Night Bay Area 2007 events. 3-2-1 Liftoff! VIP Flight Tickets $5,000.00 each. Email zerogartists@mac.com to reserve your seat today. Don't let this zero gravity opportunity to fly float by! As always, please check www.worldspaceparty.com for the latest… Yuri's Night Bay Area Crew, Over and Out. End Transmission.++++++ Any special requirements for individuals with disabilities should be related to the event staff or security, and reasonable arrangements will promptly be made. An ADA/Handicap parking lot will be available and marked with signs. References to NASA Ames shall not be construed as official NASA approval or endorsement of any non-Governmental or commercial entity or activity.

Topic by lannanh  


Funny Labels

These are hilarious!!! There all REAL funny product lables that people have found. Here's the link to where I got them: http://www.rinkworks.com/said/warnings.shtml Product Warnings: • "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet. • "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. • "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. • "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron. • "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer. • "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. • "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device. • "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket. • "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan. • "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. • "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool. • "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. • "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. • "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn. • "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter. • "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image. • "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. • "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow. • "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater. • "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. • "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock." • "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box. • "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. • "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter." • "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee. • "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. • "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. • "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old. • "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery. • "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion. • "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer. • "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. • "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod. • "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. • "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener. • "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror. • "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski. • "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm. • "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. • "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia. • "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone. • "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. • "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink. • "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. • "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant. • "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison. • "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757. • "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid. • "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. • "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels. • "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck. • "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron. • "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine. • "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. • "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume. • "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door. • "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. • "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets. • "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box. • "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box. • "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter. • "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy. • "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice. • "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers. • "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan. • "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw. • "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer. • "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts. • "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing. • "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal. • "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it." • "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds. • "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills. • "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle. • "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer. • "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. • "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame. • "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets. • "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack. • "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV. • "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack. • "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone. • "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch. • "Do not wear for sumo wrestling." -- From a set of washing instructions. See a scanned image. ________________________________________ Assurances: • "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. ________________________________________ Small Print From Commercials: • "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store. • "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean. • "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert. • "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh. ________________________________________ Signs and Notices: • "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere. • "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950. • "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church. • "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire. • "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine. • "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic. • "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos. • "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box. • "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement. • "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer. • "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge. ________________________________________ Safety Procedures: • "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building. • "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp. ________________________________________ Ingredients: • "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns. • "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater. • "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case. Materials: Covering: 100% Unknown. Stuffing: 100% Unknown." -- On a pillow. • "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." -- On the packet for a moist towelette. See a scanned image. ________________________________________ Instructions: • "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch. • "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills. • "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts. • "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11. • "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap. • "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper. • "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner. • "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits. • "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual. • "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill. • "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle. • "For heat-retaining corrugated cardboard technology to function properly, close lid." -- On a Domino's sandwich box. ________________________________________ Requirements: • "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.

Topic by LoneWolf    |  last reply