Funny Labels

These are hilarious!!! There all REAL funny product lables that people have found. Here's the link to where I got them: Product Warnings: • "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet. • "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. • "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. • "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron. • "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer. • "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. • "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device. • "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket. • "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan. • "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. • "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool. • "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. • "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. • "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn. • "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter. • "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image. • "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. • "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow. • "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater. • "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. • "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock." • "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box. • "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. • "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter." • "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee. • "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. • "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. • "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old. • "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery. • "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion. • "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer. • "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. • "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod. • "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. • "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener. • "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror. • "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski. • "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm. • "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. • "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia. • "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone. • "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. • "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink. • "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. • "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant. • "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison. • "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757. • "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid. • "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. • "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels. • "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck. • "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron. • "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine. • "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. • "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume. • "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door. • "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. • "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets. • "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box. • "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box. • "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter. • "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy. • "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice. • "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers. • "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan. • "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw. • "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer. • "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts. • "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing. • "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal. • "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it." • "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds. • "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills. • "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle. • "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer. • "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. • "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame. • "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets. • "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack. • "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV. • "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack. • "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone. • "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch. • "Do not wear for sumo wrestling." -- From a set of washing instructions. See a scanned image. ________________________________________ Assurances: • "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. ________________________________________ Small Print From Commercials: • "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store. • "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean. • "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert. • "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh. ________________________________________ Signs and Notices: • "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere. • "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950. • "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church. • "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire. • "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine. • "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic. • "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos. • "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box. • "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement. • "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer. • "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge. ________________________________________ Safety Procedures: • "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building. • "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp. ________________________________________ Ingredients: • "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns. • "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater. • "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case. Materials: Covering: 100% Unknown. Stuffing: 100% Unknown." -- On a pillow. • "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." -- On the packet for a moist towelette. See a scanned image. ________________________________________ Instructions: • "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch. • "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills. • "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts. • "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11. • "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap. • "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper. • "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner. • "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits. • "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual. • "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill. • "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle. • "For heat-retaining corrugated cardboard technology to function properly, close lid." -- On a Domino's sandwich box. ________________________________________ Requirements: • "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.

Topic by LoneWolf 8 years ago  |  last reply 2 years ago

I'm looking for a either a tutorial or templates for making bottle labels.?

preferably FREE and in photshop or publisher.?

Question by furby 8 years ago  |  last reply 8 years ago

Automatic Bottle Filler, Seal and Capper and Label Applicator.?

HELP!!! OK, I have put together a awesome new group of liquid based products for a variety of uses (being vague bc it's to much to go over now). But before my investor group will commit to stage 3 of funding (stage one was a small infusion for the chemistry and product development, and stage 2 is on my own dime). Now I have 30 days to come up with plans and a protoype assembly line to produce the first 500K in needs to be fully automatic, not least for each individual process. I have researched the net and there are alot of semi-auto systems i can fully automate, and the big boy systems are just out of my reach until I get stage 3 funding...i have to produce a min of this much product in an effort to get it on the shelves of the clients we have setup. I need to fill round bottles (2.5 and 4 oz and 12oz), fill flat sided quarts and gallons, and hopefully at some point round and flat sided 3,5,and7 gallon buckets. i know that this can be one machine with different run setups or 3-4 different similar systems. then I need a sealer, basically applies the pressure sensitive seal then heats it and seals it form spilling, tampering etc. then a separate system that screws the cap on finally and importantly applies either the peel and stick pressure sensitive pre-printed labels, or heat transfer label or silk screening... OK before anyone says a thing...i know its very complex, I know it's gonna cost some money, but I do know it can be done DIY style... so your thoughts, input, links to similar parts and pieces or ideas, etc...

Question by IdeaVault 7 years ago  |  last reply 7 years ago

DIY Bottle Filler?

I fill, cap and label my own small paints (craft/ceramic).  The bottles range (in volume) from 1/2oz - 8oz.  The most common, and the one I'm most concerned about speeding up, is the 1/2oz bottle size. I currently use large ketchup/mustard bottles, which means I'm continually re-filling those bottles for any given batch I'm filling. I've been trying to figure out how I could create my own DIY bottle-filler, as a commercially-available, bench-top filler is several thousand dollars. What I've envisioned up to now is some sort of air-tight container to hold the paint with an air-compressor (at a very low pressure, but enough to push  the liquid through when gravity won't) connected at the top and a tube connected at the bottom.  At the other end of the tube (to be held by the user) would be a nozzle with a release valve of some sort. Anyone have some more technical thoughts on how I might achieve this contraption?

Question by jchonparadise 5 years ago  |  last reply 3 years ago

How can I remove labels/lettering from Absolut Vodka bottles? Answered

I'm doing a project utilizing old vodka bottles, and cannot find any info out there on removing the lettering.

Question by BrookAnne 9 years ago  |  last reply 2 months ago

How can I protect/coat labels on a glass bottle and still be able to wash and drink from it safely? Answered

 I am cutting used glass soda bottles and using them as drinking glasses. I would like to keep the label on as a sort of "memory keeper". Is there any kind of sealant that I can use that is safe to put on a drinking glass and that would also go through the dish washer?

Question by JSWheeler 6 years ago  |  last reply 6 years ago

What can I do with this? Answered

 I found an odd looking metal container. According to the label it's supposed to contain mints, but it's not altoids. What can I do with it? The picture is a bit fuzzy, but it should do.

Question by nutsandbolts_64 9 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago

What to do with this awesome glass bottle...

I recently bought a glass bottle from Micheal's(the craft store) for $1. It is one of those bottles that looks like it would hold a potion in a Final Fantasy game. There are no labels or marks on it and it includes a cork. If anybody has any ideas on what to do with it please post. Sardines454

Topic by sardines454 12 years ago  |  last reply 12 years ago

Cleaning Glass Cullet: getting the labels off already smashed bottles

Short Ver:  I'm looking for a way to get the paper, foil, glue, and plastic labels off the bits of glass that have been smashed at the recycling center. Long Story:  There are several good uses for recycling glass cullet, the glass is plentiful at the local recycling center, they get very little for it because there isn't a re-user within efficient shipping range.  I was looking into buying recycled glass to use in a project, but shipping to get it delivered is outrageous $.  I want to start off with glass as the aggregate in concrete countertops.  That's a lot of glass - a couple hundred pounds per countertop.  Yes, they're very heavy.  I've internet searched to my bandwidth limit.  No-one nearby does the glass cullett thing. So, I went to the local recycling center and picked up a couple of 5 gallon buckets of smashed glass.  Really great.  Now, how do I get all the labels off?  Thanks, Ruby

Topic by rubyintherough 8 years ago  |  last reply 7 years ago

Cleaning Glass Cullet: getting the labels off already smashed bottles

Also posted in Green Category Short Ver: I'm looking for a way to get the paper, foil, glue, and plastic labels off the bits of glass that have been smashed at the recycling center.  Or, a cheap (nearly free) resource in KANSAS. Long Story: There are several good uses for recycling glass cullet, the glass is plentiful at the local recycling center, they get very little for it because there isn't a re-user within efficient shipping range. I was looking into buying recycled glass to use in a project, but shipping to get it delivered to KANSAS is outrageous $. I want to start off with glass as the aggregate in concrete countertops. That's a lot of glass - a couple hundred pounds per countertop. Yes, they're very heavy. I've internet searched to my bandwidth limit. No-one nearby does the glass cullet thing. So, I went to the local recycling center and picked up a couple of 5 gallon buckets of smashed glass. Really great. Now, how do I get all the labels off? Thanks, Ruby

Topic by rubyintherough 8 years ago  |  last reply 7 years ago

Fire Extinguisher Case as a Water Bottle?

I went to test an old 2lb fire extinguisher we had by pressing the green test button and, it didn't work. The fire extinguisher was a BC type dry chemical fire extinguisher. The label reads (CONTENTS OF BC DRY CHEMICAL POWDER: SODIUM BICARBONATE, MICA, CALCIUM STEARATE, NUISANCE DUST, IRRITANT; HMIS 0-0-0.) I took the chemical out to use as crude sodium bicarbonate, and now I want to use the bottle. My plan is to keep the labels on, find a cap like they use on most aluminum water bottles, and clean the inside out really well. The question I have is, is it safe? It says the contents are non-toxic, but I would still want to clean it really well. What would I clean it with? Would I have to coat the inside of the bottle because of the metal, (powder coating type place) and if so, what type of coating? Thanks! 

Topic by tinstructable 7 years ago  |  last reply 7 years ago

ZOMG! LOLCats On Jones Soda!??!!!

:OJones Soda is now selling Limited Edition ICanhascheezburger labeled bottles.FEATURING: The ICanhascheezburger contest winners. The following images were selected from over 2,000 entries and have appeared on regular Jones Soda labels in select areas. If you missed them here is your chance to grab them on a myJones bottle.There are 6 different labels, each case of 12 sells for $29.99Get them while you still can!LINK

Topic by bumpus 10 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago

How to remove white enamel labels and graduation lines on borosilicate glassware?

I have a couple of pyrex lab media bottles that have graduation lines and patches of white for labels. I believe this stuff is enamel that is baked on to the glass. Does anyone know of a way to remove the enamel without scratching the glass?

Question by Junkbots 5 years ago  |  last reply 2 years ago

Well I bought this item...? Answered

 And it says disappearing ink on the label and the tip of it has some foam on it to write with but when I put it on paper it goes on clear and leaves clear.It is a bottle with a foam covered tip. I was trying to find any way to get the ink back but there was no instructions for it and no name.

Question by dombeef 9 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago

Is it safe to use the Phosphoric Acid Barrels from a large soda bottler to make a composter?

These are barrels I got when I requested Soda Syrup Barrels, directly from the bottling plant.  They still contain a small amount of liquid.  The barrels are white and have a label that says CRI-1020787, Corrosive, 8, Phosphoric Acid Solution, UN 1805, along with a bar code. There is no mention of percentage on the label.  I assume they are food grade.  I need to know if they are safe to use to make a composter.  Please let me know, what you know.

Question by jpalke 9 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago

Ammonia + Aluminum?

I was reading all of the labels on things in my house, mostly spray-able things like spray paint, spray adhesive, spray enamel, etc., etc., to see what's flammable, and on the bottle of ammonia we have it says "Do NOT use to soak aluminum utensils in...." or something like that. What does ammonia + aluminum equal or do? Is it flammable? Thanks all you chemistry-buffs!

Topic by Bran 11 years ago  |  last reply 4 months ago

Share your most embarrassing or funniest story.

Confess! You have been guilty of a faux pas at some point in your life. My "dope!" moment was when I responded one night to a work order to the campus police station. I went to the officer's lockers and saw what looked like a small cologne bottle. The bottle was painted black and had no label. I sprayed the contents directly on my face thinking that I was going to smell good. I did not know that it was mace and, that I just sprayed it in my face. I was incapacitated for a few minutes. I was found by my coworkers, blinded and disoriented, trying to find my way around! I was the butt of a joke for quite a while. Well, when you too stop laughing, you may start confessing. 

Topic by blkhawk 6 years ago  |  last reply 5 years ago

lifes unanswered questions...

Great questions to ponder over (great conversation starters!)Can you cry under water?why does a round pizza come in a square box?What's the difference between a novel and a book?How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?if a person owns a piece of land, do they own it to the center of the earth?if you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?Do penguins have knees?Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?(isn't this one great?)Does a two-humped camel store more fat than a one-humped camel?If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?(don't start a war over that, its just a joke!)If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?When the French swear do they say pardon my English?Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans?If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?Why are red buttons always the most important?How is chess considered a sport?Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit?If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?Could you be a closet claustrophobic?Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?Where do all the daylight savings hours go?Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?Can you slam a revolving door?What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?If Winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?Can you read a picture book?Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?What shape is the sky?If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead? (again, don't start a war over that)Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?Why are dandelions considered weeds when daisies are considered flowers?Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?Whenever an adult is kidnapped why isn't it called adultnapped?Why do black lights look purple?Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni?Why is it that people duck in the rain, do they really think the rain won't hit them?Why isn't the caps lock capitalized?If someone with a nostril ring takes it out, then blows their nose, do they have to cover that hole as well as their nostril holes so that snot doesn't blow out everywhere?Isn't it weird that if you rearrange the word "teacher" you get "cheater"?How come whenever you start to sing, you automatically sing in a higher voice than you talk?How come people say they ate the last piece of gum, when they really just chew it?You know the saying "throw ya hands in the air like ya don't care"? why bother doing that if you don't care?Why is there no pine or apple in pineapple?Why do water bottles have a "best if used by" date?\If you called the police station to talk to an officer and he was not there, would that be considered a cop out?Why do they put holes in crackers?How come on TV the bell always rings and then the kids go to class, but in real life you need to be in class before the bell rings?Why can the saying "it's all downhill from here." mean both that it will be easy and that it is going to get worse?If all of ACME's products backfire, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying them?Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?Does a baby feel the umbilical cord being cut off?Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?If you have a pet with 2 heads do you have to name both heads?Why can't liquor freeze?If you dig a hole in the south pole are you digging up or down?How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age?Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of?What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?Who was in the kitchen with Dina?Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"?Why do they call them pepperoni if there is no pepper in it?How old does something have to be to become an antique?Can a school teacher give a homeless child homework?Do babies produce more spit than adults?How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?Do cows have calf muscles?Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not?If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?If you died with braces on would they take them off?If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot?if someone tells you not to be your self, who should you be?Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread?Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice?How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?Have ex-bankers become disinterested?Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?Can fat people go skinny-dipping?You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?Would a fly without wings be called a walk?Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?do the ABC's and twinkle twinkle little star have the same tune?Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?why does Goofy live in a house and Pluto in and dog house if there both dogs?Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?why is a pair of underwear one item?Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?Why do women wear evening gowns to go out at night? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?olive oil is made out of olives, and peanut oil is made out of peanuts. What is baby oil made out of?!If drinking and driving is illegal, why do bars have parking lots?If someone leads but no one follows... are they just out for a walk?After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?.............the list goes on and on, maybe i will make a sequel.i can not take credit for all of these, most of them were from this website

Topic by dsman195276 10 years ago  |  last reply 5 weeks ago