Topic by Nemraiku 10 years ago | last reply 10 years ago
Ok here's a pretty good joke I heard earlier ... .... .... Ok so there were three rugby players ... one from australia (yeh) one from south africa (eh) and one from NZ (ooh!) so the go down to uh one of the certain countries where alcahol is band (???) they end up having a party and well start to drink some beer and all that ... then a local police officer comes to see whats going on ... he finds out what they've been up to and starts to whip the three ... but "Hey South Africa, I heard you played well in the world cups, so I am going to grant you a wish before I give you your 30! lashes" (officer) "Ok, I wish for one pillow strapped to my back please." (SA) So the cop lashes him 1,3,5,and ten times. But the pillow disintegrates and the player carries 20 lashes "Hey, it's australia ... I saw you played really well durig the games!! I'll grant you one wish before I give you your 30 lashes." (officer) "Ok I wish for 2 pillows strapped to my back!" (aussie) he gets whipped 20 times and his 2 pillows fade away too so he recieves 10 lashes. "Wow it's NEW ZEALAND !!! I seen you play REAL well in the games I 'm happy to grant you 2 wishes" "Ok for my first wish I want 50 lashes" NZ "ohh someones trying to be the tough guy hahaha" (cop) "and for my second wish i want that AUSSIE strapped to my back instead!" NZ Ok that was it please comment!
Topic by kenexinator 9 years ago | last reply 8 years ago
These are hilarious!!! There all REAL funny product lables that people have found. Here's the link to where I got them: http://www.rinkworks.com/said/warnings.shtml Product Warnings: • "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet. • "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. • "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. • "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron. • "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer. • "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. • "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device. • "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket. • "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan. • "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. • "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool. • "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. • "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. • "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn. • "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter. • "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image. • "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. • "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow. • "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater. • "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. • "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock." • "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box. • "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. • "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter." • "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee. • "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. • "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. • "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old. • "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery. • "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion. • "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer. • "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. • "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod. • "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. • "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener. • "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror. • "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski. • "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm. • "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. • "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia. • "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone. • "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. • "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink. • "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. • "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant. • "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison. • "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757. • "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid. • "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. • "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels. • "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck. • "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron. • "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine. • "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. • "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume. • "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door. • "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. • "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets. • "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box. • "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box. • "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter. • "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy. • "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice. • "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers. • "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan. • "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw. • "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer. • "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts. • "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing. • "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal. • "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it." • "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds. • "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills. • "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle. • "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer. • "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. • "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame. • "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets. • "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack. • "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV. • "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack. • "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone. • "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch. • "Do not wear for sumo wrestling." -- From a set of washing instructions. See a scanned image. ________________________________________ Assurances: • "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. ________________________________________ Small Print From Commercials: • "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store. • "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean. • "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert. • "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh. ________________________________________ Signs and Notices: • "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere. • "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950. • "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church. • "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire. • "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine. • "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic. • "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos. • "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box. • "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement. • "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer. • "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge. ________________________________________ Safety Procedures: • "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building. • "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp. ________________________________________ Ingredients: • "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns. • "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater. • "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case. Materials: Covering: 100% Unknown. Stuffing: 100% Unknown." -- On a pillow. • "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." -- On the packet for a moist towelette. See a scanned image. ________________________________________ Instructions: • "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch. • "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills. • "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts. • "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11. • "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap. • "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper. • "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner. • "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits. • "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual. • "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill. • "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle. • "For heat-retaining corrugated cardboard technology to function properly, close lid." -- On a Domino's sandwich box. ________________________________________ Requirements: • "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.
Topic by LoneWolf 8 years ago | last reply 2 years ago
Go to this site and check it out this is just messed uphttp://cristgaming.com/pirate.swfim still laughing from the look on thier facesalso some fun gameshttp://thecleverest.com/content/attractors.swfhttp://thecleverest.com/content/attractors_water.swf
Topic by ich bin ein pyro 12 years ago | last reply 12 years ago
Do you accept "joke" or Instructables based solely on "humor"? Do you think they should be allowed on Instructables? IMHO, if they are actually funny and/or build something cool in the process, I let them pass. Others, not so much. What say you?
Topic by Bran 11 years ago | last reply 11 years ago
My boyfriend is acting real distant and he's always hiding his phones texts from me. he always has this look on his face like he is upset and i ask him whats wrong and he just says nothing. i think he is cheating on me but i don't know. he also goes outside when he gets a call like he doesn't want me to hear what he is saying. what do i do?
Question by Cassidy Melton 5 years ago | last reply 5 years ago
Today I had to log out and back in again to do replies, despite all showing I am still logged in.So this "older" bug is still going around here.What was new though was tha after the login I ended on Rick's page instead of mine.As I am nice and also know him I did not do anything I might regred, but I had full access until clicking on the community pages - from there on I was me again.Landing on a wrong profile is one things but being able to check private messages and more until leaving this are could be a potential security problem.I mean, I could have changed the Email and Password and just taken Ricks account over today... ;)
Topic by Downunder35m 8 weeks ago | last reply 7 weeks ago
I posted this on my blog today..... My husband has been on an arduous journey trying to figure out how many songs he can parody (insert Weird Al joke here) so that the main subject is focused on lunch or food. It's been funny because he actually is pretty creative. Here's just a few he's come up with..... - Power of Love (Huey Lewis & the News) is now Power of Lunch - Live and Let Die (Wings) is now Chicken Pot Pie - There Goes My Hero (Foo Fighters) incidentally is still There Goes My Hero but the next line is instead of "watch him as he goes" is now "hold the onions please." - One Love (U2) is now One Lunch....the next line is the same for each song "got to share it." I also though of the Beatles' "Can't Buy Me Love" is now "Can't Buy Me Lunch" and "Endless Love" by Diana Ross and Lionel Ritchie (or is it Peabo Bryson?) is now "Endless Lunch". My sister thought of Badfinger's "Can't Live, If Living is Without You" is now "Can't live, If Living is Without Food." Oh and Meatloaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love" is now "I Would Eat Anything For Lunch" and the next line is "but I won't eat that." Can you think of any?
Topic by zurichko 7 years ago | last reply 7 years ago
This will humiliate people who make mistakes so badly. This is a website which googles something for you automatically in a short animation. Good old internet memes! You just copy the url into a new window, and change the ending to what you want to search for.http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Example+searchIt's so fun!
Topic by The Jamalam 9 years ago | last reply 9 years ago
If you open up the newspaper to the comics section, and the strip is in black and white, you will most likely see a bunch of dots used to shade the strip. For some time I have been trying to find out information about these dots, and have so far learned that they might be called Benday dots, or as I recently learned from a FoxTrot book (Camp FoxTrot), self-adhesive shading film. If anyone knows anything about this, I would like to know (if possible) three things, what are they, how do you use them, and where can you buy them? Thanks Instructables community, because I know if someone has an answer, it would be you guys. Thanks! -Splazem
Question by splazem 8 years ago | last reply 7 years ago
I posted some stuff such a long time ago on a forum topic, and I looked back at it today. It still made me smile a bit. So... here are some things I came up with (Not meaning to offend these bands)Simple Plan = Complicated IdeaMetallica = Plastallica - If you don't get it, in Metallica you see the word metal. In Plastallica you see part of the word plastic. Or plaster. Whatever you want it to beMaroon 5 = Blue 2.550 cent = 25 centScar Symmetry = Bloody ArtSpoon = ForkRed Hot Chili Peppers: Blue Cold Habanaro PicklesGuns n' Roses: Broom n' Poisen IvyScary Kids Scaring Kids: Pretty adults prettying up adultsYeah...
Topic by Flumpkins 10 years ago | last reply 7 years ago
Hey, look what I got after trying to send a message to another Youtube user. It said something about an internal service error 500, or somethin' like that. Highly trained monkeys? LMFAO!!!!Here's a link to a bigger version of that picture.And, because I'm bored, a funny video!
Topic by John Smith 11 years ago | last reply 11 years ago
Http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgRzv2_6q9UThe description made me think of posting it here - "Dr. Mullins demonstrates how to make delicious wholesome booze out of boring old apples, using his 220V grinder, super-custom apple press with 12-ton car jack, and only the most sanitary laboratory conditions."Totally funny short video.
Topic by susie 10 years ago | last reply 10 years ago
I was wondering if anyone had any funny chain letters? I made up one a few minutes ago: There was once a girl who went to the grocery store to buy cheese. Then one of the people who worked there said to her: "We have no cheeeeese" The girl was so suprised she fainted and died. Copy and paste this 5 times within the next hour, or the girl will come to your bed with string cheese hanging out of her mouth, with a sword made of cheese. She will be bleeding melted cheese, and will be crying melted cheese tears, saying "CHEESE! GIMME CHEESE!" If you post one, do not start it! P.S. Enjoy some random pictures!
Topic by Flumpkins 10 years ago | last reply 9 years ago
I am doing really funny things to make people going by in there cars laugh. anything that is appropriate is good. things like I don't know, dancing! I am in my drive way while they go by
Question by voemaster 9 years ago | last reply 9 years ago
Like many others, I am a person that loves to laugh, so if you got any good jokes or hard riddles, let everyone know. Here are a few of my favorite jokes- Bungee-Jumping in Mexico Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?" An American, a German, and a Mexican There is an American, a German, and a Mexican. They are in all in a boat. The boat is about to sink. Each of them have to throw things out to make the boat lighter. The German throws out 4 cases of beer and says, "We have a lot of bear in Germany so we don't need these!" The Mexican throws out 5 cases of burritos and says, "We have a lot of burritos in Mexico so we don't need these!" The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out. The German asks why he threw the Mexican out. And the American replies, "We have a lot of Mexicans in America so we don't need him!."
Topic by Glad(to-meet-ya)ys 9 years ago | last reply 8 years ago
Why is the orangeboard called orangeboard eaven if it's not orange???
Question by Sorunome 8 years ago | last reply 8 years ago
Yeah i want a fan on my hat, any suggestions?
Topic by DIAGONALLIS 2 years ago | last reply 2 years ago
Sing to the tune of sexy back.I'm bringing pastry back.Yeah.When I transport it I like to wear a hat.Why?I not to sure, but it don't look wack.word.Where we going to hide this to protect from attack?hmmm.take it to the fridge.cos' this pastry.uh huh.will make the casing of a tasty piea haa.I let you have some if you let me bake.ok.because I can't read this recipe.you suck!Look out for the walrus!Now. Watch this.http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/pastry/
Topic by mg0930mg 10 years ago | last reply 9 years ago
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Topic by devilbarney 7 years ago | last reply 7 years ago
I noticed this by accident and there is no harm you can do with it. You just go to a topic (any topic you like) and reply to the last comment (the one above in the list). You typ in your comment in the reply screen but you don't submit it! Instead you select your comment and copy it. Then you immediatly click on "add a comment" (so don't press cancel in the reply screen) and paste it there. Then when you click comment, the site does something weird and it thinks the last person who commented made a reply to you! (see image) (note the completely different dates) This also seems to work with comments in the middle.. But here it does something other that is really strange. When you submit your comment. Your comment is put on the top but the comment you were replying to first gets reassigned to look like a reply to the comment above it! Try it out if you like. It worked for me. although you can do no harm with it and although people won't really find a use for it I reported it anyway :) Michel EDIT: I just noticed when somebody replies to your comment it turns itself good again. (Look at the gator-chopper made from real gator topic
Topic by MichelMoermans 9 years ago | last reply 8 years ago