an Humorous note on Email Scams

 Well I posted my motorbike on Craigslist, and I got this nice email from a chap in Canada: Hello, I'm James John, I hail from Canada in Ottawa city, I came across your advert and am Highly Interested in purchasing you (motorcycle) which you offer for sale at craigslist.com. I Due to the fact that its been a long time have been searching for it, Please Kindly get back to me as soon as possible with the necessary answers to the Question in mind. Are you the first owner? The present condition? Your final asking price? Why Do You want to sell It?  And I will also like you to send me Pictures to enable me to view what I intend to purchase and i will like you to know that my form of payment is through a Certified Check or USPS Money Order .. I await your urgent response so that we can Proceed further. Regards Jms =============================================================================== So uh, how many monkeys y'reckon the Great Scam Conspirists keep locked up to come up with these aye?

Topic by KentsOkay 9 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago


Why is there no catfood with mouse flavour? Answered

Why is there no catfood with mouse flavour? I know for fact that cats eat mice :).

Question by tecneeq 9 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago


Monty Python episodes in HiQ on YouTube

. Monty Python is making most of their videos available at http://www.youtube.com/user/MontyPython.

Topic by NachoMahma 10 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


does anyone know where i can find a job writing bad jokes? Answered

I am not a funny person, which is bad, but i try really hard to be funny, which is worse. does anyone know how i can make this a profitable venture?

Question by cyc4015 10 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago


Yes, well the Front fell off.....

This is almost unbearably funny: an interview with a senator concerning a ship with crude oil as its cargo....well, have a listen... ;-) .

Topic by Goodhart 11 years ago  |  last reply 11 years ago


And now we present the IGNobel peace prizes

Ig Nobels Salute Stranger Side Of Science:Audio for this story will be available at approx. 6:00 p.m. ETTalk of the Nation , November 28, 2008 - What do studies on potato chips, puzzle-solving slime mold and jumping fleas have in common? Each was awarded an Ig Nobel prize this year by the editors of the humor magazine Annals of Improbable Research.Annals editor Mark Abrahams serves as the emcee of this broadcast of the awards ceremony. Abrahams is author of The Man Who Tried to Clone Himself.The LINK to the IGnobel podcast from NPR

Topic by Goodhart 10 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


Periodic table of condiments

Nope, that isn't a typo. You've heard of the periodic table of elements? Well, check out this hilarious table of condiments that periodically go bad. From Condiment No. 1 (Mayonnaise, which the table says goes bad in 3 months) to Condiment No. 75 (Maraschino, which apparently never goes bad), you can look up just about any condiment you can name to see when you need to toss it out. Or at least when these people think it goes bad.Take it with a grain of salt (Condiment No. 2, it never goes bad!) though-it claims Lemon goes bad in 2 months. Stuff and nonsense. I've eaten 3 month old lemons that were perfectly good.Mendeleev would be so proud...

Topic by Lithium Rain 10 years ago  |  last reply 11 months ago


The best joke in an Instructable

One thing I like a lot when reading Instructables is how creators give a personal spin to their project descriptions and the instructions on how te make something. Sometimes there is even a small laugh on my face when somewhere hidden in step 9, picture 2 there is a funny joke. I can't help it that I include some silly dad jokes myself in my projects.  The idea of this topic is to create a collection that make you smile. A quest for the hidden (dad)jokes in projects. Which ones are your favorites? Since most dad jokes only work in  context I suggest you only post the link to the Instructable and how hard you laughed about it. Not the joke itself out of context. Then we can all go hunting for that silly joke. 

Topic by thijsv 2 years ago  |  last reply 2 years ago


John Cleese's "Letter To America"

Forwarded along by an Aussie. Enjoy.Dear Citizens of America,In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.2. The letter "U" will be reinstated in words such as "colour", "favour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut" without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "-ize" will be replaced by the suffix "-ise."3. You will learn that the suffix "burgh" is pronounced "burra"; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as "Pittsberg" if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of "-ize."6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen," but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd willbe a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day." 8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ear removed with a cheese grater.17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football," but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of Jessies - English slang for "Big Girls Blouse").18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.Thank you for your co-operation.John CleeseLink

Topic by canida 11 years ago  |  last reply 11 years ago


Pleo Surgery

A 23-minute Pleo-surgery epic. Totally creepy. (via Gizmodo)

Topic by canida 11 years ago  |  last reply 11 years ago


XKCD tries its hand at circuit design

The comic is at http://xkcd.com/730/. Who wants to build it first?

Topic by yoyology 9 years ago  |  last reply 8 years ago


Most Hilarious Instructables Comments

I often find myself laughing for several minutes when reviewing various comments on Instructables. Here's one of my current favorites:https://www.instructables.com/id/1%2c000-Year-Doghouse/https://www.instructables.com/id/1%2c000-Year-Doghouse/?comments=all#EPN0DCTYPAEP288XZFWhat are your favorites?(Submit the Instructable and comment URL together if one needs to review the Instructable to get the full context of the humor. To get the comment's URL, click the author's name, click view all comments, and search for the comment's link.)

Topic by ewilhelm 10 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


Gizmo - A compilation of man inventing strange contraptions from the 1920's through 1950's. Comedy.

Tim's description:It starts off a bit slow but there are at least fifty really amazing clips. Sort of makes you think there's nothing new.IMDB description: A documentary about some of the thousands of inventions that did things we never thought needed doing, or in ways we never considered doing them. A respectful, yet humorous tribute to the inventors whose vision, however far-reaching, was just a little off the mark. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5592802075024518044&q;=gizmo

Topic by ewilhelm 11 years ago  |  last reply 11 years ago


I want to make over sized hats for parties. Any suggestions? Answered

I have seen huge foam cowboy hats and want ot make the same kind of thing but from a different material.

Question by landmanhall 10 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


Interesting Facts

You blink over 20,000,000 times a year. You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog. You'll eat about 35,000 cookies in a lifetime. You're born with 300 bones, but when you get to be an adult, you only have 206. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day. Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, everytime you breathe. Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself. http://www.tealdragon.net/humor/facts/facts.htm

Topic by shannonbeeks 7 years ago  |  last reply 7 years ago


What is the funniest joke you have ever heard that doesnt cuss? Answered

I dont want a joke that cusses. that's it. But it can be a yo mama joke or anything. Hopefully the community will get some laughs over the holidays

Question by Bert99 9 years ago  |  last reply 8 years ago


Flugtag -- human powered flight?

Have you seen the videos for Flugtag? It looks like a great excuse to build something fun and jump in the water, and maybe fly a few feet too.Most of them look like this: And here's the US record holder, at a whopping 155 feet: I bet we could do better than that, especially with a drop. ;) Anyone have a proposal for Team Instructables? They hold these things around the world, so it's not just US. I bet we could pick up on style points as well.From the official page:The first Red Bull Flugtag took place in Vienna, Austria, in 1991. Since then, more than 35 Flugtags have been held around the world -- from Ireland to San Francisco -- attracting up to 300,000 spectators. The record for the farthest flight-to-date currently stands at 195 feet set in 2000 at Flugtag Austria. The U.S. record stands at 155 feet set in Nashville, TN in 2007.Teams are judged on three criteria: distance, creativity and showmanship. What constitutes a craft is purely up to the imagination of the participating teams. Past Red Bull Flugtag entries have included a pregnant cow, a diaper-delivering stork, a pimped-out Cadillac, a giant Oompa Loompa, and yes folks -- a lobster named Larry.

Topic by canida 11 years ago  |  last reply 11 years ago


Sharing my blog, on all kinds of stuff

Well, this forum is to "share your blog post with the community." I don't see that happening here tons, so here is my blog, and it's three posts so far. I haven't worked on it in a while, but I plan to. Topics blagged about are science, the world, philosophy, music, and interesting things. There is some strong language. http://ruralnerdofthought.blogspot.com/2012/01/greetings-to-readers-and-friends.html

Topic by ilpug 7 years ago


What Do you think of these jokes

Hello, Daredevil 499 here, and I would like to introduce to you my new idea of posting 2 or 3 jokes, 2 or 3 times a week. I will post jokes almost every week, and I want You to vote For your favorite Joke. Just post a comment with a number (either 1, 2, or 3) representing which joke you like best. I'll keep posting if people like it. Here are the jokes: 1. Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! 2. What is it called when you loan money to a buffalo? A Buffa-loan! 3. What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work! Well let me know what you think, and don't forget to subscribe!   (the jokes will get better as time goes on, and I will add a link to this when I make my next post)

Topic by daredevil499 6 years ago  |  last reply 2 years ago


Declaration of Independence

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the creative bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all makers are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Tools, Warranty and the pursuit of Customness. - That to secure these rights, Websites are instituted among Makers, deriving their just powers from the consent of the members, -That whenever any Form of Website becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Webspace, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Ideas and Projects. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Websites long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Webmasters, and to provide new Guards for their future security. - Such has been the patient sufferance of these Users; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Website. The history of the present CEO of Instructables is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Members. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.He has refused his Assent to Features, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.He has forbidden his Staff to pass Forum Topics of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.He has dissolved Comments and Topics repeatedly, for opposing with (wo)manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these Users; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Free accounts; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Features.He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to TOS for establishing Moderating Powers.He has made Sherrifans dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Filters without the Consent of our legislatures.He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our TOS; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:For cutting off our Allsteps with all parts of the world:For imposing Pro fees on us without our Consent:For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Refund of Fees:For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:For abolishing the free System of Exchange of Ideas in a neighbouring Webspace, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these directories:For taking away our Favorites, abolishing our most valuable Features and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Websites:For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized website.He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Spammers whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all OSs, platforms and softwares.In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be El Jefe of a free people.Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Hacking brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their staff to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.We, therefore, the Representatives of the Members of Instructables, in Freenode on #instructables, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good Posters of these Forums, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Dirs are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent Sites, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Robot Crown, and that all TCP/IP connection between them and the Site of Instructables, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent Sites, they have full Power to assign Mods, post content, contract sponsors, establish Advertising, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Sites may of right do. - And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Tools, our Kiteboards, and our sacred Honor.None of the above, is, of course, intended seriously. Dur. IT'S A JOKE, peoplez. Sheesh.

Topic by Lithium Rain 9 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago


The 5 Scientific Experiments Most Likely to End the World (Humor)

Let's face it, we really trust science. In fact, studies suggests that the vast majority of people will murder another human being, if a guy in a lab coat tells them it's OK.But surely in their insatiable curiosity and desire to put knowledge above all things, science would never, say, inadvertently set off a chain of events that lead to some sort of disaster that ended the world. Right?Well, here's five experiments that may prove us wrong.Slighty NSFW, as it cointains a few bad words, but this is hilarious!

Topic by Keith-Kid 10 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


What is the most humorous definition of the phrase "staple my biscuit?"? Answered

It just came up at work is all.... "staple my biscuit" Ready.... GO!

Question by BeanGolem 10 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


The Overly Manly Man

You are probably familiar with the Overly Manly Man, but you may not know that he is a photograph of a guy by the name of John L. Sullivan, who went 75 bare-knuckle rounds before winning. Anyway, enjoy! Feel free to leave some other Overly Manly Man memes, too.

Topic by Plo Koon 5 years ago  |  last reply 5 years ago


What Do You Think Of These Jokes 3

I'm sorry this took so long to post(I've been a little busy), but here are some more jokes. 1. The Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off. 2. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?'' 3. So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds." I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck." well let me know which one(s) are your favorite! just comment down below! next post due January, 23,2013 (I'm posting something every other wednesday) until then, remember to comment,and subscribe!:)

Topic by daredevil499 6 years ago


Good pranks to play while trick or treating?

I need one within three days so I can plan it need some ASAP

Question by Poprockzftw 6 years ago  |  last reply 6 years ago


"Good Time": The Joseph Ducreux Translation

It's been a while since I put one of these out. This one is a parody of Owl City's "Good Time." You can find the original lyrics here. Hope you enjoy! Favorable Circumstances I arose this morn in good humour. Wherefore doth a song authored by Prince reside verily within my mind. Elevate your hands if you favor dancing this eve. For the circumstances are perpetually favorable. I last night slept in my waking attire as if I cared not. I utilised a motorized stage, indifferent to the destination. I shall participate if you favor dancing this eve. For the circumstances are perpetually favorable. Good morn and good night. I shall arise at dusk. Events will yield acceptable outcomes. We need not even put forth effort, The circumstances are perpetually favorable. (Exuberant vocalization) The circumstances are perpetually favorable. (Exuberant vocalization) We need not even put forth effort, the circumstances are perpetually favorable. I lost my composure, for I once again dropped my telephonic device into the natatorium. I abandoned my inn space and withdrew currency from an automatic teller. Let us spend time together if you you favor dancing this eve. For the circumstances are perpetually favorable. Good morn and good night. I shall arise at dusk. Events will yield acceptable outcomes. We need not even put forth effort, The circumstances are perpetually favorable. (Exuberant vocalization) The circumstances are perpetually favorable. (Exuberant vocalization) We need not even put forth effort, the circumstances are perpetually favorable. (Exuberant vocalization) The circumstances are perpetually favorable. (Exuberant vocalization) We need not even put forth effort, the circumstances are perpetually favorable. It matters not the time nor date; The circumstances are perpetually favorable at that point. It matters not the location; The circumstances are perpetually favorable wherever we may be. It matters not the time nor date; The circumstances are perpetually favorable at that point. The circumstances are perpetually favorable! (Exuberant vocalization) The circumstances are perpetually favorable. (Exuberant vocalization) We need not even put forth effort, the circumstances are perpetually favorable. (Exuberant vocalization) The circumstances are perpetually favorable. (Exuberant vocalization) We need not even put forth effort, the circumstances are perpetually favorable. Thanks for coming! Please leave a comment on your way out :)

Topic by Plo Koon 5 years ago


"I Knew You Were Trouble": The Joseph Ducreux Translation

Here is another Joseph Ducreux translation! This one is a parody of Taylor Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble." You can find the original lyrics here. If you haven't already seen it, check out my Joseph Ducreux version of "Call Me Maybe." I Recognized You As Problematic At a distant point in history, A trio of oversights previous, I was framed within the boundaries of your crosshairs. You orchestrated a situation in which, save yourself, I was isolated from others. You discovered my location. You discovered my location. You discovered my location. I suppose our relationship lacked meaningfulness to you, And I suppose this attracted me, And when it happened that I became lovestruck, You removed yourself from our current arrangement, Abandoning me, Abandoning me, Abandoning me. And he has long since disappeared, Even when we were first acquainted. And I have come to the conclusion that I bear the blame for this. For I recognized you as problematic upon your ambulation into the chamber. Thus, may disgrace be bestowed upon me at this time. Our relationship transported me to territories previously undiscovered, Until you discarded me. I recognized you as problematic upon your ambulation into the chamber. Thus, may disgrace be bestowed upon me at this time. Our relationship transported me to territories previously undiscovered, Now I am reclining uncomfortably upon the frigid, overly firm earth. True, True, Discord, discord, discord. True, True, Discord, discord, discord. No amends will be made. He will never witness your weeping. Delude yourself by imagining That he is unaware that he is the catalyst For your subaqueous asphyxiation. Your subaqueous asphyxiation. Your subaqueous asphyxiation. And I discovered that you have abandoned our relationship entirely. I have acquired this knowledge from rumors murmured about the thoroughfare, A new tally upon your breeches strap Is the whole of what I will ever amount to from your point of view. And it is at last obvious to me. And it is at last obvious to me. And it is at last obvious to me. And he had long since disappeared, Even when when we were first acquainted. And I have come to the conclusion that I am the victim of the prank. I recognized you as problematic upon your ambulation into the chamber. Thus, may disgrace be bestowed upon me at this time. Our relationship transported me to territories previously undiscovered, Until you discarded me. I recognized you as problematic upon your ambulation into the chamber. Thus, may disgrace be bestowed upon me at this time. Our relationship transported me to territories previously undiscovered, Now I am reclining uncomfortably upon the frigid, overly firm earth. True, True, Discord, discord, discord. True, True, Discord, discord, discord. At the time when your most melancholy trepidation Insidiously invades your mind That you never felt true affection towards myself, her, or anything. Quite. I recognized you as problematic upon your ambulation into the chamber. Thus, may disgrace be bestowed upon me at this time. Our relationship transported me to territories previously undiscovered, Until you discarded me. I recognized you as problematic upon your ambulation into the chamber. Thus, may disgrace be bestowed upon me at this time. Our relationship transported me to territories previously undiscovered, Now I am reclining uncomfortably upon the frigid, overly firm earth. True, True, Discord, discord, discord. True, True, Discord, discord, discord. I recognized you as problematic upon your ambulation into the chamber. Discord, discord, discord. I recognized you as problematic upon your ambulation into the chamber. Discord, discord, discord!

Topic by Plo Koon 5 years ago


"Call Me Maybe": The Joseph Ducreux Translation

We all love Joseph Ducreux. The below meme (sorry you have to scroll all the way to the bottom to see it) gave me the idea for this forum. I decided Decreuxize the entire "Call Me Maybe" song! You can find the original lyrics here. Below is the parody. Engage in a Conversation with Me ~ Possibly I deposited a wish in the cylindrical reservoir. Do not inquire of me as to of what my fancy consisted, As I will forever withhold from you this piece of information. I turned my eyes upon your person as my wish descended, pulled by gravity, And currently, you are blocking my desired path. I would barter my soul in exchange for the gain of one of the cravings of my heart, And low-value coins in exchange for an osculation. I did not seek out this situation, However, currently, you are blocking my desired path. Your gaze was unwavering, Torn breeches, Epidermis was exposed, The night exhibited an unusually high temperature, And there were active air currents. To where are you intending upon traveling, my babe? Greetings. I just engaged in a first conversation with you, And this is insane. However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. I find it difficult to hold my eyes Upon your visage, my babe, However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. Greetings. I just engaged in a first conversation with you, And this is insane. However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. And the entirety of the other young males Endeavor to pursue me. However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. You were lax about contacting me, But I needed no such amount of time in order to fall. I gained absolutely nothing from you, However, you are continuing to block my desired path. I beseech, take on return, and purloin. I have the gift of legitimate precognition. I was, however, unaware that I would feel it. Despite this fact, it is blocking my desired path. Your gaze was unwavering, Torn breeches, Epidermis was exposed, The night exhibited an unusually high temperature, And there were active air currents. To where are you intending upon traveling, my babe? Greetings. I just engaged in a first conversation with you, And this is insane. However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. I find it difficult to hold my Eyes upon your visage, my babe, However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. Greetings. I just engaged in a first conversation with you, And this is insane. However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. And the entirety of the other young males Endeavor to pursue me. However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. Before you became an integral component of my existence, I felt an acute need of you. I felt an acute need of you. I felt a very acute need of you. Before you became an integral component of my existence, I felt an acute need of you. And you should be duly aware of this fact. I felt a very acute need of you. Greetings. I just engaged in a first conversation with you, And this is insane. However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. I find it difficult to hold my eyes Upon your visage, my babe, However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. Greetings. I just engaged in a first conversation with you, And this is insane. However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. And the entirety of the other young males Endeavor to pursue me. However, here is the group of numerals associated with my telephonic device. You could engage in a conversation with me using the device -- possibly. Before you became an integral component of my existence, I felt an acute need of you. I felt an acute need of you. I felt a very acute need of you. Before you became an integral component of my existence, I felt an acute need of you. And you should be duly aware of this fact. Therefore, engage in a conversation with me using your telephonic device!

Topic by Plo Koon 5 years ago


What do you think of these jokes?

Hello, This is Daredevil 499 and I would like to introduce to you my new idea of posting 2 or 3 jokes, 2 or 3 times a week. I will post jokes almost week, and I want You to vote For your favorite Joke. Just post a comment with a number (either 1, 2, or 3) representing which joke you like best. Also where do you think I should post these jokes? Should they be in the questions or in the forums? Here are the first three jokes: 1. Who was the greatest financier in bible times? Noah, He floated his stocks while everyone else was in liquidation! 2. What do you call A monkey in a minefield? A Baboom! 3.Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed! Now that you know the jokes please let me know which one was your favorite. And remember don't forget to subscribe. Thanks Here is my new post. please take a look. https://www.instructables.com/community/What-Do-you-think-of-these-jokes/

Question by daredevil499 6 years ago  |  last reply 6 years ago


Just dropped in to mention that I am still working on my latest project.....

Here is a partial schematic....

Topic by Goodhart 8 years ago  |  last reply 8 years ago


any ideas?

Dang, i got nuffin. ok, i need a new idea for a new 'ible. my hobbies and interests are: simple computer operations (up to the upgrading ram point), basketball, music, games, humor, and crude weapons for starters

Topic by coolz 10 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


1000th post in the "life" section!

I noticed the "life" category in the forums had 999 forum topics (aka posts) so I decided to post the 1000th for my self satisfaction. You're welcome. PS- this is just for the humor of it.  Don't take it seriously.

Topic by DJ Radio 9 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago


"Joke" or "Funny" Instructables

Do you accept "joke" or Instructables based solely on "humor"? Do you think they should be allowed on Instructables? IMHO, if they are actually funny and/or build something cool in the process, I let them pass. Others, not so much. What say you?

Topic by Bran 11 years ago  |  last reply 11 years ago


Whoever can figure out why this doesn't work gets virtual 1337. Answered

A=x a+a = a+x 2a=a+x 2a-2x=a+x-2x 2(a-x) = (a-x) 2=1 No clues, it's very simple, and anyone familiar with their internets should find a humorous surprise within the solution.

Question by The Jamalam 8 years ago  |  last reply 8 years ago


Time

Did anyone can slove this ????? You are going to make an item that's about time. You are free to interpret the term of time as you please. Examples may be special moments, repetitions, everyday events, or major events. Think about what expression the item should have. You can use shapes, colors, moving parts, technologies, humor, and the like. You can use the materials and techniques you want.

Question by Hellylili 1 year ago  |  last reply 1 year ago


potato gun contest

I am proposing a potato gun contest but not any kind of potato gun contest. i am proposing a concealed weapons potato gun contest. air or combustion and it has to screw apart to fit in a briefcase or on your person it can also already be small enough so that you wont have to take it apart use your imagination i am eager to see what people come up with also disguised potato guns are also welcome. thanks for humoring me PhD

Topic by syncmaster153t 11 years ago  |  last reply 11 years ago


Global Warming Instructables

The Stay Warm Contest is requesting our warmest solutions to make it through the rather rough winter we've been having. In particular, they want to see our favorite low energy solutions. Therefore, may we post instructables about warming up the climate in an attempt to stay warm? Thanks, Purduecer p.s. (Since I know in advance that some of you won't appreciate the humor, you should know that this post is done in jest. You have been warned.)

Topic by purduecer 10 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


My classroom projector screen will not retract all the way without considerable effort, how can I fix it?

Humorous to my students, aggravating to me... With several attempts, I can assist the retraction spring by lifting the screen into the storage part and have it rolled up enough that I can rest the handle and... bar, for lack of a better term, on top of a bulletin board.  Is there an easy fix or should I just start looking for funds for a new screen?

Question by LivingDread 7 years ago  |  last reply 7 years ago


What are some good long distance friend pranks?

So my friends got me with a prank, so now I need to prank them back. Two of my friends, I either don't have access to their house, or I am not able to see very often. One friend, I created an ad to have people call him with their best Chewbacca impressions. But I am stumped on what to do for my other long distanced friend.

Topic by KaylaR44 6 months ago  |  last reply 5 months ago


What could you do with two empty Crosman CO2 cartridges? Answered

My son has a little airsoft gun, and he gave me two (for now) empty 12g CO2 Crosman cartridges. They are so nice that I want not throw them to the waste. But I have them, and I don't know what thing could I do with them. Some ideas? (refrain from the obvious humor) Length: 8.5cm; Diameter: approx 18mm;  Metal: maybe stainless steel?

Question by rimar2000 7 years ago  |  last reply 3 years ago


Uses for a dead smartphone?

Hey guys. New to all this disassembling/reassembling/making new stuff, please humor me. So I have this old Samsung Galaxy S Plus phone, which died in early 2014. And now, it's summer holidays, and I'm bored. I remembered this phone, and thought that maybe I could make something out of it. Is it possible to, say, take out the display, or the camera, and use it somewhere else? Maybe I could do something with the speaker? I tried searching on the internet, but didn't find anything. Thanks in advance.

Topic by NSDCars5 5 years ago  |  last reply 5 years ago


Hammer 1 TB USB external; 8 hours use, computer fails to recognize; grinding sounds also. Can I recover the media?

Have two identical Hammer 1 TB units; initially, worked wells, decent speed.  After loading about 300gb on one, it failed to be recognized by my desktop.  Given the price, I am considering opening it, going into the Toshiba HD inside and swapping the media to the second Hammer drive that functions well.  Any tips, advice, prior experience on media swap on Toshiba HD's?  Suggestions, screams, humor, all are welcome!

Question by ohanahelo 7 years ago  |  last reply 7 years ago


Instructables profile picture spreading across all my profiles EVERYWHERE

Hi, I have uploaded a profile picture to Instructables that is a bit humorous.  However, now this picture is spreading across all of my accounts on the internet!  I know that the ONLY site to which I uploaded this picture is Instructables.  The picture was appropriate for Instructables but is inappropriate for many of my other accounts. Somehow, my image has "escaped" and is being automatically captured by other websites. I am attempting to stop this profile picture from spreading any further. Can you PLEASE let me know how this picture could be spreading across all of my accounts!? Thanks in advance, Nathan.

Topic by njkeng 3 years ago  |  last reply 3 years ago


Several questions

1) My 'ible is suddenly getting several hit a minute. With a past 'ible, a similar thing happened, and I looked at the stats, and determined that it was because A) My 'ible was featured/popular and B) my 'ible had been linked to on a high-traffic site. This is not the case with this 'ible, as far as I can tell. My 'ible is the "Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day" one. 2) Please explain the "stats" "referrers" for me. How are they ranked/chosen/listed? 3) I am getting a lot of referrers with addresses like this one: by114w.bay114.mail.live.com. What is this? 4) I am not very computer savvy, please humor me. I am not complaining about the huge jump in hits, I am just looking for an explanation.

Topic by aeray 10 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago


Cafe Press - noob question

Right, I'm trying to raise a bit of pin-money with cafepress, but I'm confused, and I can't seem to find the answer to my question in the FAQ system there.I want to sell the same items (t-shirts and hats), but with a variety of images.Somehow, that does not seem possible. I can only sell one item with one image. I can't seem to add the same item again, but with a different image.I know I'm probably missing something obvious, but does anybody else know enough about cafepress to help me?(Note - to prevent accusations of spam, I will PM the shop's URL to anybody that asks for it, rather than posting it in the thread)Humorous note - my Firefox spell-checker wants to change "cafepress" to "depressants"

Topic by Kiteman 11 years ago  |  last reply 11 years ago


Being Witty !

Wittyness eh?Its a type of intulectual humor. You have to be sharp, quick and say the funny remark at the right time! They say its charming, and people notice that about you.....eventually*.I absoloutly LOVE IT.I can be witty.....But only with my friends. Generally im comfortable around them. But I can't use my wit with new people i meet, or people i don't know very well. : (Mostly im to slow, or i can't think of any remarks to make. ( any that i think are funny)What do you guys think? any tips?I know some of you on instructables are witty and have smart humour,......i can tell from your comments. Lol.

Topic by Baron A 11 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


Eyeball Yarn

Though I dearly love eyelash yarn, this eyeball yarn takes the cake.It's vitreous humor, from insubordiknit.com:Ever wish you had eyes on the back of your head? Well now you can have them all over your head, bwahahaha...or your neck...or wherever you choose to don your knitted eyeball item.Five colorways of handpainted merino wool with scads of handdyed tussah silk noils, soysilk, organic cotton and ingeo then corespun the yarn thick and thin, poofy and tight, so that it would resemble a mass of muscley eye innards. Spun in, nice and tight, are 13-15 hand felted eyeballs Note -- these are NOT plied in or tied in! They are spun in, part of the actual yarn.They seem to have a podcast too, and promise more background on this yarn in the 4th episode.

Topic by canida 11 years ago  |  last reply 8 years ago


Notes on specific laws - the Third Law

Third LawAs the level of civility approaches absolute zero, the uselessness of an exchange of posts approaches infinity.There are many threads which are started in good humour - seeking information, looking for an intelligent discussion, or passing on a humorous tidbit. Most of them carry on in the same vein, but, occasionally, people get carried away. Discussion becomes argument, argument becomes name-calling. Tempers fray, feelings get hurt, reputations damaged. We've all seen it, or even been there.Eventually, when a thread begins to descend into the mire, it actually swamps all the original good it might have done.Such a thread must be walked away from. Wash your hands of a troll before you get dragged too deep. Abandon it to the fate of the the Second Law, before you waste too much precious bandwidth.

Topic by Kiteman 11 years ago


Equal Rights for Robots

Not trying to spam/ad to the fire of religious debate or any of that, but recently I saw this post on Digg about this kid at Kutztown University who showed up at a religious protest, and to counter their craziness, he held up a sign that quite randomly and humorously said "Equal Rights for Robots." For some reason he was arrested minutes later. He may or may not have had the appropriate permit, but this seems a little insane, especially given the fact that these non-students were practicing hate speech, while a student was holding up a funny sign.Here's a link:http://www.basementcoder.com/?p=23But all of that bullcrap aside, the reason I came to you is because I figured everyone here likes robots, right? Well, I think we should take a stand, and SUPPORT EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ROBOTS too!!!https://static.instructables.com/deriv/FH6/5K3R/F03WEWYE/FH65K3RF03WEWYE.MEDIUM.jpgThink of the Robot Children!

Topic by mikesty 11 years ago  |  last reply 11 years ago


Nerd Alert!

I am heavily involved in letterboxing. I've seen letterboxing posts here on instructables, but just in case it's not a familiar topic, it's a hobby similar to geocaching. Especially when we have events and get-togethers we will often engage in self-deprecating humor about our nerd status. For upcoming events I would like to create either of the following props, and would appreciate any ideas on how to approach them: (1) Nerd Detector--some sort of box that would have some sort of motion or proximity sensor that would trigger an alarm, siren, etc., when approached. (2) Nerd Tester--something akin to the "love tester" from old, old-school arcades. Someone would grip a handle, and some sort of meter or display would indicate the participant's (supposed) level of geekery. Thanks for any ideas!!!

Topic by Purple Chez 6 years ago  |  last reply 6 years ago