how do I make shampoo?

Question by mrsearls 7 years ago  |  last reply 7 years ago


Where do you get your essential oils?

I'm trying to find a place that sells essentials oils that are good but still at a nice price.  Also I know some say they are not safe for body use but only for things like candles, etc.  For shampoo, fabric softener, etc. wouldn't you want body safe oils?

Question by sshafer2 6 years ago  |  last reply 6 years ago


flea shampoo that really works ?

Hello, my pup can not use the topical flea medicine from the vet. is there and kind of home remendies or dog shampoo i can use to reduce the fleas on my pet.

Question by VONLICKHENSTINE 9 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago


Has anyone made their own hair shampoo?

Question by camillen 6 years ago  |  last reply 6 years ago


(newsletter) Homemade Shampoo, Cryptex, RumbleMouse...

Sign-up for this newsletter: Welcome back! NEW Pocket-Sized Contest - Think small, and win a custom laser-etched Leatherman! Get in the Garden Contest - Enter any Instructable with a gardening theme and win an awesome computer-controlled indoor composting machine from NatureMill! Art of Sound Contest - Share any sound or music-related Instructable, and win an incredible custom hi-fi tower set with subwoofer, monster speakers, and more!! Get the LED Out! Contest - Closed for entries, but open for voting! Vote Now! RGBike POV - Open Project Make Your Own Seed Tapes Homemade Shampoo Double Helix DNA Model with LEDs Simple Sequencer Make an Onigiri (Rice Ball) Adjustable Modular Furniture Non-Slip iPod/phone Stand New contest! Get Started with Arduino Build an Alien Artifact DIY Audio Switch How to Cook with Herbs and Spices Win a cool computer-controlled indoor composter! Win these custom hi-fi speakers! Cryptex Design Audio for an iPhone Game Replace Low Voltage Halogens with LEDs RumbleMouse Sign-up for this newsletter:

Topic by fungus amungus 9 years ago


I need a recipe for a lather less shampoo. Please help :)?

I am in need of a lather less shampoo that I can make myself. I would like to give my family greener products for daily care. The cost of the shampoo's in the beauty supply stores are going up and the products have ingredients I feel we could and would be safer to be without. I have looked up shampoo recipes and they are basically the same, I am in need of a lather less shampoo,so I'm not to certain how the Castile soap will would do for lather less. Has anyone tried it for lather less? if so does it work? Thank you.                                                                Leslie

Question by llindsay 7 years ago  |  last reply 7 years ago



How do I make my hair thicker?

My hair is thin and flat. Is there a way to thicken it up and help the shine? I don't eat meat (except for fish); would that affect my hair?

Question by 10 years ago  |  last reply 5 years ago


Any reccomendations for a homemade cat bath solution? Answered

My cat always smells like its own poop and i give it just water baths, it doesnt mind them. I haven't been able to go to my local pet store recently because it is closed for fire damage (don't worry the animals all got out) and I was wodering if there was a cheaper alternative to store-bought. 

Question by RedneckAsian 9 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago


I have always had oily hair does anyone have a solution to help,

Maybe a homemade shampoo recipe or something. thanks : )

Question by kelly. 6 years ago  |  last reply 5 years ago


How do i become a prairie girl?

I am new to all this and i was wondering if I could get any suggestion on how to get started with making my own stuff like soap, candles, shampoo, etc?? I would also like to grow my own vegetable and learn some wood working!!! Please teach me your ways!!!!

Question by arky2b 9 years ago  |  last reply 9 years ago


Science Fair idea: Bouncing Liquids

Here's an idea for the science fair: Bouncing liquids. Explain how it works and do something cool with it!http://www.nature.com/news/2007/070716/full/070716-17.htmlLiquids bounce againJumping jets move from the bathroom to the kitchen.After bouncing shampoo, physicists now bring you bouncing cooking oil. A team in Texas has found that the trampolining of a liquid jet falling onto a bath of the same liquid is more common than expected.Last year, a group in the Netherlands studied this bouncing effect for a jet of shampoo (see 'Puzzle of leaping liquid solved'). The bounce, which was first reported more than 40 years ago, happens because of the peculiar nature of shampoo, which gets thinner (less viscous) as it flows. A jet of it hitting a liquid surface is therefore lubricated by a thin layer at the interface, enabling it to bounce off rather than merge.But the liquids now studied by Matthew Thrasher and his colleagues at the University of Texas in Austin don't have this property. The silicone oils in their experiment are viscous but have 'normal' flow behaviour, like water.The researchers directed a jet of oil vertically onto the surface of a tank of the same oil. They found that the jet could undergo both a 'leaping' rebound and a bizarre 'flat' bounce in which it sprang horizontally across the liquid surface.The bounce here is due to a thin layer of air that separates the two liquid surfaces, the researchers say in an article submitted to Physical Review E.They point out that the effect can easily be recreated in a kitchen experiment with cooking oil. Just fill a glass pie dish with about 4 centimetres of oil and pour onto it a thin stream from a cup about 3 to 6 centimetres above the surface. While pouring, move the stream in a circle about once every 2 seconds (or perhaps less messily rotate the dish on a Lazy Susan). The bounce can be encouraged by passing a chopstick or some other small rod through the stream every now and then.

Topic by ewilhelm 11 years ago


How do I make wispy, sick hair healthy and full again?

My mom's hair is really wispy, especially at the bottom. And it's really rough too. She seems to be really rough with her hair when she washes it, and I'm wondering if that is the problem. If she stops, will that help? Or does she need to try something else...like different shampoo?or conditioner? It's sort of embarrassing. It's really wild and all over the place, and unhealthy.

Question by Short One 10 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


I've been at it again, in washington.

Well after my trip to linuxhaxors house and wrecking his fence I went to washington on my way back to put shampoo in sunbank's coffee but didn't stop there, I got a little randy and have started a new plague in washington university, my spawn have run wild all over the campus attacking students and bicycles, apparently the cause of the attacks are because my young uns are so damn cute that people try and get close to them, causing them to charge.You can't even get near the fountain... Bent bikes, slashed tyres and broken shins are the order of the day.link

Topic by killerjackalope 11 years ago  |  last reply 10 years ago


What's the best procedure for making salicylic acid? Answered

Is it possible to make salicylic acid from aspirin using pretty common household gear?  If not, what would be the procedure for deriving it from willow? and what kind of willow to use?  Would it be more cost effective to buy crystalline salicylic acid?  Bonus Question:  What ppm would be good for using it as a facial cleanser and an anti-dandruff shampoo? or rather, what ppm would be bad? If it matters, I've done a year of chemistry and a year of organic chemistry with labs.  I sucked at the classes but rocked the labs like KISS at an assisted-living activity day.  

Question by AngryRedhead 9 years ago  |  last reply 2 months ago


Project VR6

Hello all, thought id share my progress of my 97' VW Golf mk3 VR6 2.8 to create some discussion and VAG banter. I brought her completly standard and wanted to build a real sleeper for road use and track use that is fast, practical for everyday use and safe for the family. When I got her back in 2009 she was a standard vr6 nothing really special just a well looked after example Firstly I gave her a good clean inside and out along with a service.......and by clean i mean really cleaning, shampoo the carpet, treat the leather, clean out the heater units, remove and shampoo the roof lining, polish and resin the paint, de greese and steam clean the engine bay to name some of the bits ive done. The result was a very clean base "template" Once all was clean and I could see areas for imporvement I began the work, replacing all the bushes, front and rear lower arms, brake lines, discs, calipers, exhaust were the easy steps When it came to the engine itself I did not want to mess about with it too much just improve the BHP and general running of the car as 174bhp from a 2.8 VR6 is shocking. So removed the engine and re conditioned the gearbox and clutch. While this was out I thought it best to also do the pull chain not a big job but much easier with everything out, once back in I still was not finished.... After giving the engine a full service with new plugs, leads, coil pack, oil change, rocker cover, inlet manifold, seals, upgraded air filter I decided to get the car chipped to see what BHP could be pulled out of her. Happy to say with all that work she was running on the first dyno 192bhp a massive improvement from standard 174bhp and all that from just replacing and upgrading some standard old parts with more expensive performance parts. Once the Chip was installed and the guys at the tuning store had done their works she was happily chucking out 216.4BHP With that I was more than happy and the work put in over the 6month period really showed. I then decided to have all but bumpers colour coded and did a few minor tweeks to the exterious to make her a clean standard example... I will add a full list of specs and work done soon, enjoy the pics feedback welcome

Topic by Jedi_zombie85 3 years ago  |  last reply 3 months ago


will "anti-graying" hair mousse work to dye hair? Answered

Hi again everyone despite many questions i STILL can't find a way to dye my blond-brown-white-ish hair black! (yes, it did fade back after the chocolate brown incident..) i have naturally multi-colored and highlighted hair and don't want to lose that from staining or using permanent dye. recently, while in a cosmetics store in a desperate attempt to find a dye, i found a "anti-graying" mousse for covering gray patches in hair, which claimed would rinse out with shampoo. will this work to dye a full head of thick, multi-colored hair or will it stain/look ridiculously fake? and does mousse amke your hair go hard like hairspray or make it clump together, stays wet, etc should i buy it and try it out on a small section of one of the white-ish highlights and see if it does work? (if it doesn't, i'll have only dyed less than an inch and will simply cut it off) or is it as simple as i can't dye my hair black? thank you instructables :D

Question by AussieAnglerGal 7 years ago  |  last reply 7 years ago


Report: Mini Maker Faire The Netherlands

Saturday Oct. 20th was a big day in Groningen, NL. The first official Maker Faire on Europe's mainland was a reality (Mini Maker Faire to be honest, it lasted just one day...). Allarrrd, Masynmachien and me teamed up to host an Instructable based workshop for kids which we named Make: toys. Lieve, Monster-Marit, Rick and Sander joined the team to help out. masynmachien also demonstrated his Instructable-plugging RC Blimp: iblesblimpMMF050 from masynmachien on Vimeo. And help we needed: The day was a huge success with 3000 maybe more visitors and a very enthusiastic crowd. 52 Doodlebots360 were built by kids (we ran out of battery clips :-)), dozens of cartesian divers, Shampoo Dino's, Magic Fleas, Propellers on a stick and what not. In the same time, we tried to plug Instructables into the consciousness of the visitors. I was a bit shocked to find out that some people never visited the site before :-).  We used mainly scrapheap stuff to make the toys from. Some essential parts were generously sponsored by Opitech and Okaphone. Compiling: We had a great day, as well as the visitors. Making and playing with toys while meeting lots of people. Maker Faire Forever!

Topic by ynze 6 years ago  |  last reply 6 years ago


idea for a simple and thin contact based sensor

Hello instructacles, I'm trying to build a simple contact-based set of sensors embedded in card board, paper or thin plastic sheets. I want to make a simple game for my kids that could detect/react to the presence/absence of some random items positionned on such a board? (empty glass bottle of coke, cereal box, shampoo bootle, you name it) Ideally i would use something like those books for kids where they have metallic threads "printed" on think plastic sheets and when you press them, it triggers a music. But i dont know how to print metal basically. don't really know how to get started. I was thinking of sewing conductive thread but i'm not really sure it would work. I have seen many attempts with aluminium foil (ex: https://www.instructables.com/id/Interactive-Art-With-Scratch-and-Makey-Makey/) but those are based on the fact that a human finger touches them (basically it uses the conductivity of skin), whereas in my game i was to use the weight of random objects from the house (in the 50g to 500g range typically) Any idea how i should get started ? thanks fourchu

Topic by fourchu 1 year ago  |  last reply 1 year ago


How to Wash a Cat

Let me tell you how I bathe my cat.  This is no fluke. I have even taken a cat to a college class and given him a bath as a demonstration.  If anything would set a cat off, that would. I have even bathed cats that aren't mine. Take a big breath and relax. Your state of mind will influence his. Start with a clean counter next to the kitchen sink. Put towels on it. Don't have them so close to the sink that the cat could grab it.  I generally have the cat facing away from the towels and toward the water faucet.  Don't have him facing you.  He'll try to grab you and climb up your chest.  Get your shampoo opened and handy. Consider which hand will be easier for you to hold the cat and which to wash.  Set up your towels and sinks accordingly. Now, plug the side of the sink you'll be using to bathe the cat. In the other side, start the water. Get it to the temperature you want. Turn the pressure down to a slow flow - on that side. Put your cat into the empty, plugged up side of the sink, facing the wall. I have bathed a cat with and without a towel in the sink. Your choice. Let him watch the water for a few seconds until both of you relax. With your washing hand, cup your hand, fill it with water and "pet" your cat with it. Start on his back, not his head. Do this several times. Slowly move the faucet over to his side of the sink but not ON him. Continue "petting" him with water. If he's relatively calm, increase the water pressure so the sink is slowly filling. Remember, you're washing with one hand and restraining him gently with the other. Put some shampoo on him and water-pet and wash him. Have a little PLASTIC cup handy so you can scoop some of the water from his side of the sink and pour it over him (it has soap in it - might as well use it to the max). Continue washing until you are satisfied that he is clean. GENTLY remove the plug and let the water drain WHILE you are filling that cup with clean water and gently pouring it over him. Scratch and pet him frequently. Talk to him.  Rinse him thoroughly. When you are all done, let him drip a little.  You might want to gently squeeze his legs and tail to 'ring' some of the excess water off of him.  Then put him on the towels and wrap him up gently but quickly. Use old towels. If he has his claws he might snag them a little. Drying is the hardest part because he wants to run away. Dry him as best you can and then release him in a warm room. Don't let him outside until he is dry. I hope this works for you as it has for me.

Topic by lilredcin 7 years ago  |  last reply 4 years ago


Any recipes and tips for soapless/glycerineless personal grooming products? Multiple questions to follow...

Background to the problem: I have a big problem with fragrances and it's getting worse.  I've been able to find scent-free personal grooming products in the past, but the community I live in now has none!  Some of the local stores volunteered to special-order a few products, but were unable to find any from their vendors.  In other words, I am stuck with two choices.  Make my own or buy online. I am choosing to make my own, in order to save myself shipping cost and to be sure I don't have to wait 6-8 weeks to wash my hair.  The added benefit is knowing exactly what goes into it. The problem: I'm convinced I can do better than traditional soap.  I'm not scared of the lye and fats but I'd have to order all of the soapmaking stuff online, which still forces me to rely on the mail.  I'm very much intrigued by soapwort.  I've also heard of flaxseed-based hair wash.  From what I've heard, soapless alternatives present me with an option that's usually easier to produce and with locally available ingredients. What I already know is next-to-nothing.  I want all the tips and recipes I can find.  Most of what I've googled so-far has been 2-3 line "recipes" with only ingredients and no actual instruction on what to do with it or how to use it.  The only recipe I'm actually familiar with involves oil, lemon and an egg, for washing and conditioning hair but that doesn't keep well and it costs you an egg each time. The questions: Any recipes for interesting soapless, glycerineless "shampoos," body washes, hand "soaps," etc? Anyone know how of other cultures which use soapless products predominately and how they do it? Any good recipes for other personal items besides cleansers such as deodorant and moisturizer? Any tips for making these home-made products last longer in room-temperature storage? How do I reduce the costs but still keep my goal of being scent-free and soapless? I've never used flaxseed, will hair wash made from it have a strong smell?  Does it keep well? Can anyone using similar products tell me their experience with it?

Question by DELETED_GuardianFox 9 years ago  |  last reply 8 years ago


Funny Labels

These are hilarious!!! There all REAL funny product lables that people have found. Here's the link to where I got them: http://www.rinkworks.com/said/warnings.shtml Product Warnings: • "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet. • "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. • "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. • "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron. • "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer. • "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. • "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device. • "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket. • "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan. • "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. • "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool. • "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. • "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. • "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn. • "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter. • "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image. • "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. • "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow. • "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater. • "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. • "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock." • "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box. • "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. • "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter." • "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee. • "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. • "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. • "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old. • "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery. • "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion. • "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer. • "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. • "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod. • "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. • "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener. • "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror. • "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski. • "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm. • "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. • "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia. • "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone. • "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. • "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink. • "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. • "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant. • "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison. • "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757. • "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid. • "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. • "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels. • "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck. • "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron. • "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine. • "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. • "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume. • "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door. • "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. • "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets. • "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box. • "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box. • "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter. • "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy. • "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice. • "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers. • "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan. • "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw. • "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer. • "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts. • "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing. • "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal. • "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it." • "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds. • "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills. • "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle. • "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer. • "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. • "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame. • "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets. • "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack. • "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV. • "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack. • "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone. • "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch. • "Do not wear for sumo wrestling." -- From a set of washing instructions. See a scanned image. ________________________________________ Assurances: • "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. ________________________________________ Small Print From Commercials: • "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store. • "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean. • "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert. • "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh. ________________________________________ Signs and Notices: • "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere. • "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950. • "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church. • "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire. • "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine. • "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic. • "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos. • "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box. • "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement. • "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer. • "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge. ________________________________________ Safety Procedures: • "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building. • "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp. ________________________________________ Ingredients: • "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns. • "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater. • "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case. Materials: Covering: 100% Unknown. Stuffing: 100% Unknown." -- On a pillow. • "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." -- On the packet for a moist towelette. See a scanned image. ________________________________________ Instructions: • "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch. • "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills. • "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts. • "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11. • "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap. • "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper. • "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner. • "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits. • "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual. • "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill. • "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle. • "For heat-retaining corrugated cardboard technology to function properly, close lid." -- On a Domino's sandwich box. ________________________________________ Requirements: • "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.

Topic by LoneWolf 8 years ago  |  last reply 2 years ago


lifes unanswered questions...

Great questions to ponder over (great conversation starters!)Can you cry under water?why does a round pizza come in a square box?What's the difference between a novel and a book?How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?if a person owns a piece of land, do they own it to the center of the earth?if you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?Do penguins have knees?Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?(isn't this one great?)Does a two-humped camel store more fat than a one-humped camel?If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?(don't start a war over that, its just a joke!)If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?When the French swear do they say pardon my English?Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans?If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?Why are red buttons always the most important?How is chess considered a sport?Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit?If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?Could you be a closet claustrophobic?Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?Where do all the daylight savings hours go?Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?Can you slam a revolving door?What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?If Winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?Can you read a picture book?Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?What shape is the sky?If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead? (again, don't start a war over that)Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?Why are dandelions considered weeds when daisies are considered flowers?Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?Whenever an adult is kidnapped why isn't it called adultnapped?Why do black lights look purple?Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni?Why is it that people duck in the rain, do they really think the rain won't hit them?Why isn't the caps lock capitalized?If someone with a nostril ring takes it out, then blows their nose, do they have to cover that hole as well as their nostril holes so that snot doesn't blow out everywhere?Isn't it weird that if you rearrange the word "teacher" you get "cheater"?How come whenever you start to sing, you automatically sing in a higher voice than you talk?How come people say they ate the last piece of gum, when they really just chew it?You know the saying "throw ya hands in the air like ya don't care"? why bother doing that if you don't care?Why is there no pine or apple in pineapple?Why do water bottles have a "best if used by" date?\If you called the police station to talk to an officer and he was not there, would that be considered a cop out?Why do they put holes in crackers?How come on TV the bell always rings and then the kids go to class, but in real life you need to be in class before the bell rings?Why can the saying "it's all downhill from here." mean both that it will be easy and that it is going to get worse?If all of ACME's products backfire, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying them?Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?Does a baby feel the umbilical cord being cut off?Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?If you have a pet with 2 heads do you have to name both heads?Why can't liquor freeze?If you dig a hole in the south pole are you digging up or down?How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age?Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of?What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?Who was in the kitchen with Dina?Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"?Why do they call them pepperoni if there is no pepper in it?How old does something have to be to become an antique?Can a school teacher give a homeless child homework?Do babies produce more spit than adults?How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?Do cows have calf muscles?Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not?If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?If you died with braces on would they take them off?If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot?if someone tells you not to be your self, who should you be?Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread?Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice?How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?Have ex-bankers become disinterested?Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?Can fat people go skinny-dipping?You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?Would a fly without wings be called a walk?Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?do the ABC's and twinkle twinkle little star have the same tune?Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?why does Goofy live in a house and Pluto in and dog house if there both dogs?Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?why is a pair of underwear one item?Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?Why do women wear evening gowns to go out at night? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?olive oil is made out of olives, and peanut oil is made out of peanuts. What is baby oil made out of?!If drinking and driving is illegal, why do bars have parking lots?If someone leads but no one follows... are they just out for a walk?After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?.............the list goes on and on, maybe i will make a sequel.i can not take credit for all of these, most of them were from this website

Topic by dsman195276 11 years ago  |  last reply 6 weeks ago