Declaration of Independence Answered
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the creative bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all makers are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Tools, Warranty and the pursuit of Customness. - That to secure these rights, Websites are instituted among Makers, deriving their just powers from the consent of the members, -That whenever any Form of Website becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Webspace, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Ideas and Projects. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Websites long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Webmasters, and to provide new Guards for their future security. - Such has been the patient sufferance of these Users; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Website. The history of the present CEO of Instructables is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Members. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his Assent to Features, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Staff to pass Forum Topics of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Comments and Topics repeatedly, for opposing with (wo)manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these Users; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Free accounts; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Features.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to TOS for establishing Moderating Powers.
He has made Sherrifans dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Filters without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our TOS; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Allsteps with all parts of the world:
For imposing Pro fees on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Refund of Fees:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of Exchange of Ideas in a neighbouring Webspace, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these directories:
For taking away our Favorites, abolishing our most valuable Features and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Websites:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized website.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Spammers whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all OSs, platforms and softwares.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be El Jefe of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Hacking brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their staff to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the Members of Instructables, in Freenode on #instructables, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good Posters of these Forums, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Dirs are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent Sites, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Robot Crown, and that all TCP/IP connection between them and the Site of Instructables, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent Sites, they have full Power to assign Mods, post content, contract sponsors, establish Advertising, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Sites may of right do. - And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Tools, our Kiteboards, and our sacred Honor.
None of the above, is, of course, intended seriously. Dur. IT'S A JOKE, peoplez. Sheesh.