A Low Cost Way to Test the Elasticity of Space Time.

About: I am an expat Environmental, Health and Safety manager (aka the Safety Guy) that has somehow spiraled into a specialty of setting up programs systems on very odd projects, or fixing strange/ unusual/ challen...

It has been posited that all space time is elastic and curved in response to mass. Experiments such as this and the need to use relativity for time correction in GPS signals all seem to conclude that the general and special relativity time implications have been validated. For general background on spacetime click here.

Step 1: The Experimental Protocols

On 3 September 2015 I performed an experiment in Alaminos City, Philippines, that appears to conclusively prove that time can be stretched from an observers viewpoint without use of large order masses, energies, or velocities.

First I bought four test subjects some McLunch. Two chose hamburgers, while the other two shared a “2 piece McChicken with rice ball special.” I then closely observed the time elongating effect of watching 2 small children eat their chicken and rice ball meal one tiny spoonful at a time.

While time observed passed in apparent lockstep congruence with my chronometer whilst the control subjects (the adults) ate their burgers & fries, there was a noted amount of time elongation observed while the two younger subjects (aged almost 3 and 4 years old respectively) dawdled over their chicken & rice meal. It appeared that the passage of time was slowing at a nearly asymptotic rate towards infinite time for zero consumption until an adult interceded by shoveling the food into the kids mouths while chanting “say ohm for mommy. Yummmy yummy chicken.”

Step 2: Conclusion.

Thus, as can be readily confirmed, toddlers eating McDonald’s meals can effect a time dilation effect, independent of mass energy considerations, on independent observers time perceptions.

CERN did not respond to emails when asked to test these results. Dr. Hawking was too busy to comment as he was working on this.

The LHC is still considering this and doesn't have any time (so to speak) to consider such mundane concerns.



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5 Discussions


3 years ago

Have you approached the astronauts onboard the International Space Station with your findings? This presents a unique opportunity to investigate your theorem without the confines of terrestrial gravity.

1 reply

Reply 3 years ago

No children up there. Unless you count Howard Wallowitz


3 years ago on Introduction

To have given better results, and shown that space-time does follow a curve, next time you should include the grandparents, which at least theoretically would show time slowing down again at the other end of the spectrum, (but this remains a theory untill it can be verified), with perhaps the addition of noodles to try and tie in string theory to the equation.


3 years ago on Step 2

There is another very strong relativistic effect to consider. When you're hanging out with your friends, time passes very quickly. But when you're stuck on a special holiday with your relatives, the trip seems to last forever. That's why it's called "special relativity." :-D

Johnny J

3 years ago

I'm convinced you're right, but I think we're going to have to put a child into the LHC and bombard him with McMeals accelerated to relativistic velocities to confirm your findings.