Introduction: Appropriating Nutritive Consumables and Absconding
Would you like to empower yourself and take the initiative to stop dolling out so much money? Would you like to know the art of supplementing your dietary intake by participating in no-cost food re-harvesting in a retail environment?
As organisms, we humans all experience those inconvenient hunger pangs from time to time. When we do, it is a great luxury to be able to inundate our gullets with nutritious food products like a bunch of geese being reared for pate'. Unfortunately the machinations of the world economy often render food quite "spendy". Food stamps are very good, but the application process seems almost punitive. That's why many people actively participate in "food re-harvesting". If you have ever appropriated and absconded with food, freshly plucked from the shelves our vast and conveniently located network of retail macro-warehouses, then you have participated in food re-harvesting. If you find that it is difficult to afford breakfast, lunch and dinner in your squalid and penniless existence and you have not yet evaluated appropriating and absconding as a possible option to relieve pressure on your dessicated, vestigial wallet, then read on.
Step 1: Evaluate the Benefits and Risks
Are you hungry but short on cash? Does food seem to you to be quite expensive indeed? Why, Then Just appropriate the food and vanquish your hunger thus!
But keep in mind that not everyone thinks that you should be able to abscond freely with the goods you appropriated, and they may want to stop you. Some of them are inextricably linked to the retail industry through employment. see figure "Industry" and note the horrible lolling eyes and minuscule nose of the beast of industry. These features render it incapable of smelling or otherwise noticing the volume and toxicity of its own waste. Also note the huge maw of the beast, perfect for devouring your livelihood.
With some instruction in technique and precautions, however, one can greatly assuage the risks.
Step 2: Evaluate Your Manner of Dress
Clothes do not need to be extremely baggy, but they should be well populated with pockets. it is important to consider the deepness of the pockets especially in the pants region. The deeper the pocket the larger and more irregularly shaped the food you are capable of appropriating.
Step 3: Search for and Appropriate Location
There are many places that can be advantageously perused for opportunities to appropriate. Larger warehouse-like retailers are probably the best because the smaller and more independent the retailer the closer it it is to people like you. it is not a good idea to appropriate from fellow human beings... only large and pernicious industrial edifices, or kill-crazy robots. It is good to visit a place where the workers are underpaid, rendering them sluggish and apathetic. I reiterate, the larger the edifice, the more oppressed and unstable the employees. Although there are exceptions to this rule, a disgruntled employee might even help you to appropriate goods. For the sake of the ease of documentation of this demonstration, the sample location pictured is quite small.
Step 4: Peruse the Isles
Look for something you would like to eat.
- Nutritional Concerns-- it is generally a good rule of thumb to avoid eating anything with more than 7 to 10 ingredients. Since you are appropriating and absconding with the items they may as well be health food... Do not be drawn in by brightly colored signs telling you to "indulge". The purpose of this is to knock out the price of a meal, not to acquire free diabetes.
- Behavioral Concerns
Behavior is probably the most important part of a successful appropriation outing. You should not ACT like you are shopping, because you really are. Just shop for something you want. This, however is easier said than done. People make some key mistakes when perusing their quarry. These include,
-excessive looking about- you should not look around nervously and pivot you head. slowly and gradually look around with a tranquil expression on your face.
-scrutinizing the ceiling for cameras- if you think there is a camera spying down on you get a better vantage from across the room. Do not look up directly.
and walking briskly through the store stopping only to pick up items (this is a mistake commonly associated with other kinds of appropriating i.e. non-food appropriating.) You should deliberately search for what you want, just like when shopping.
Step 5: Make Your Selections
Choose the items you want and continue looking. Even if you are satisfied, continue to peruse. Then when you are afforded the chance, appropriate the items into your pants. Beware the ceiling mounted robotic eyes. They are everywhere! The Location also might employ mirrors or other crafty tricks. You should treat mirrors like cameras because they are no less hazardous. The most important thing to remember is that the cameras of today are not (yet) outfitted with technology capable of seeing through a wall of products or your body. You can appropriate in plain sight of a camera if your bodily movements are natural and casually restricted to the side of your body where the metal lords cannot peer.
Step 6: Skedaddle!
Now its time to skitter off and enjoy your nutritious lunch! But don't get too excited. Exit in a calm and orderly manner. And don't forget to be cordial to the employees you see on the way out. It was their loving negligence that allowed you to abscond with impunity.
Step 7: Eat Your Lunch, You Fool!
Now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. This snack is healthy and will provide ample energy, but why stop at a snack? Next time abscond with more formidable vittles and visit several locations. it could save you 20 dollars a day!