'Cuz Peanut Butter and Jelly Is for the Weak.

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Have you ever tried to make dinner only too be told you're using too much butter? Or have you tried to put a 6-pack of Orane Crush in your shopping cart, only to be told that: "Orange soda is what fat people drink!" Well the inner fatboy has taken charge tonight. The wife is asleep and cannot stop the fatboy's awesomeness. Instead of packing a mere PBJ sandwhich, I create: THE KRAKEN. This is a sandwhich that takes "no" for and answer only so that it may wipe it's butt with "no". Chuck Norris pooped a little when he became aware of its existence.

Step 1: Get Your Act Straight Son.

To make the Kraken you will need a few simple things:
Jiff Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter. (Jiff is the ultimate peanut butter. All other peanut butters must bow before mighty Jiff. If you prefer Adams all natural peanut butter, I have some Patchouli to trade for your neglected shaving razors. Begone from this page hippie)
Nutella (Nutella is the Spam of chocolates. Because of the shortage of chocolate in World War II, Pietro Ferrero used hazelnuts to extend the supply of chocolate.)
M & M easter candy If I have to explain, you wouldn't understand.

Step 2: Putting It Together.

Assemble the sandwich as you would a regular PB&J, except that you will toss aside the inferior sugar-free strawberry preserves. For the non PB side of the sandwich a healthy insulation layer of Nutella should be spread. Shamelessly grab a handful of M&Ms and strategically place them on the peanut butter. join the two slices of bread and you have created an unapologetic sandwich of rebellion.

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    17 Discussions

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    BR AFTERSHOCK

    5 years ago

    i have alot since nutella came out i have

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    poolguy

    6 years ago on Introduction

    You have to have bananas too.
    Then go to heaven!!!!!

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    maryceecee

    6 years ago on Introduction

    You are absolutely correct about Jif. I tried Nutella and didn't like it, now I have a way to use the rest of the jar! Fantastic!

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    marymac

    7 years ago on Introduction

    The tears are forming in the corners of my eyes as I'm lmao reading your comments, people. Still....I came up with an idea when I was desperate for Nutella since some evil elf had eaten it all when the jar disappeared. He is usually using a spoon to eat Nutella!! Bad elf! I had resorted to putting some old chocolate chips to some ordinary Jif and heated it in a microwave for a bit until the chocolate had melted and the PB was warm enough to mix the two a little bit to make swirls of chocolate. It was......excellent for a quick fix. On one side....the new mix and the other side had a good red raspberry preserves. ORGASMIC!

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    emopants92

    7 years ago on Introduction

    hahaha pretty epic sandwich the only thing I heard going through my mind when I was reading this was Diamonds aren't Forever- Bring Me the Horizon

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    Cervantes

    8 years ago on Introduction

    You have made Michelle Obamas hit list...I am honored to have known you..sort of..lemme get outta hurr, gotts to makes a PB sammich.

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     The M & M's are they peanut or plain? One guy said easter candy. I thought they looked like those mini chocolate easter eggs too. 

    I'll have to try the original but maybe I'll skip the M & M's and terrorize a recently acquired Chocolate Rabbit and Grate his ears off for me second try. Must eat the ears first!

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    tonymaddux

    9 years ago on Introduction

    This sandwich sounds awesome. When you run out of Nutella,  consider this one: Peanut butter and salami! Crunchy peanut butter, whatever salami you consider the best, some mustard, 2 slices of your favorite bread. just remember the mustard goes on the other side of the salami from the peanut butter.

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    Bigev

    9 years ago on Introduction

    Woot. I come from the town that has Smuckers that owns Jif. You honor my town with your blatant disownment of all other peanut butters.