Are you sick of popcorn for movie night? Are peanuts banned for poker night? Want a good crunch for something besides a carrot? Need a spicy hot taste without eating jalapeno potato chips?
Let me introduce you to the greatest crackers you will ever eat. The best part is that there is a good chance you already have all the ingredients, or can get them quickly without breaking the bank.
Step 1: Ingredients - All 5 of Them
This is the second best part. There are only 5 ingredients.
1. 1lb unsalted saltine crackers. 1lbs is a box of 4 sleeves.
Take my word for it and get unsalted. The flavors of this whole "dish" are much better when you don't feel like you just licked a salt brick.
2. 1 cup canola oil
3. 1 packet powdered ranch dressing mix. 1 oz is a packet in case you have a vat of ranch dressing mix.
4. 2 tblsp crushed red pepper flakes
Yes, 2 tablespoons, not a typo. This is not a dish for the weak. Add more if you dare.
5. 1/2 tsp garlic powder
Step 2: Tupperware
Ok here is the hardest step (at least for me...), you have to find a suitable plastic container. Start searching all the food storage containers, Tupperware, Rubbermaid and zip lock tubs you have in your kitchen. You are looking for a short container that can hold as many crackers as possible, in a sealed location. A good lid/seal is important since it will get flipped over. Ideally this container will hold all 4 sleeves, but I have used 2 containers, so don't worry if you have to split it up.
The plan here is to line up the crackers on edge so they are loosely siting like they would in the sleeve and when the container has the lid on and is flipped over, all the crackers stay in place.
After selecting the correct vessel, take the crackers out of the sleeves and line them up in the container(s). See the picture for more help. Don't stack up, only 1 level.
Step 3: Mix It Up
Take out a bowl, measuring cup, large mug or whatever you have and pour all the ingredience (except the crackers) into the liquid holding device and stir.
1 cup canola oil
1 packet (1 oz) powdered ranch dressing mix.
2 tblsp crushed red pepper flakes
1/2 tsp garlic powder
Step 4: Pour
Keep stirring. When you stop the ingredients settle in the bottom and it won't pour as nicely. So as you stir, pour the mixture over the crackers. Make sure to get the crackers in the corners and on the edges.
If you were not able to get all the crackers into one container, than with a little math you can tell how much of the mixture to pour in each container.
4 sleeves = all the mixture
3 sleeves = 3/4 the cup
2 sleeves = half the mixture
1 sleeve = 1/4 the cup.
After you have run out of mixture, put the lid on the container(s) tight. Than flip the container(s) over. Every 5 minutes or so, flip the container over again. Again, and again for around 20 minutes. When your patience has run out, and you don't see liquid running down the sides of the container when you flip it over, you're done.
Step 5: It Burns So Good!
Supposedly, you can put leftovers in a zip lock bag, seal air tight, and they last about a week or so. I have never experienced this phenomena. At best, I made some in the evening and there were left overs the next morning, but not when I got off work that afternoon. They're surprisingly addictive...
A word to the wise and a disclaimer from a friend: "As temping as this is, do not, I repeat DO NOT, eat all 4 sleeves yourself in one sitting". No matter how good the movie is, all you will remember is the stomach pain in the morning.
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