Introduction: Get 1 Million Views - by Cheating
1 Million views is a lot. Obviously it is impossible to ever hit that magic number.
Luckily you have graciously stumbled upon this incredible ible. Where you can learn the secrets that only the best implore. To cheat their way to 1 million views.
An example of one of the few lucky users that have employed my tactics is noahw in several of his obviously cheated ibles, such as How to Kiss, MIG Welding and Bruschetta Recipe. These ibles defentially all have absurd, unreachable and impossible view counts.
Keep reading to learn how you can become on of the greats!
Step 1: Assemble a Crew
Find the right people
To pull of this innocuous cheat, you are going to need a crew. You can generally find one of these in your phone contacts, or you can hire them from any local competition involving gamers and pizza.
You are going to need your crew (of 5+ people) together for at least one night. So lure them in with promises of fun and enjoyment, then blockade them into a garage with multiple all you can eat buffets of Mountain Dew and Pizza.
Each one of these crew members will need a computer and can be sent home if they don't have one. Remember that after you have your views, each crew member can be expended back to his/her mums basement. (Note: Expending crew members not recommended for maintaining long term friendships)
Step 2: Show Dominance Over Your Crew
Show them who's boss!
After 30 minutes of pizza and mountain dew, your crew will probably be pretty hoarse.
Or Caty (if they are female)
This is the perfect time to strike and declare dominance! Take LinusTech's example and put your crew into a subconscious state of slavery. As long as you sustain the pizza and mountain dew, then they will be no wiser than to follow your every command!
Step 3: Give the Instructions
Make them do your bidding!
Now that you are their leader you simply have to print off a set of instructions and paste them on the side of the monitor. The instructions should be; reload, wait, eat, repeat
Note: The instructions should be clear and easy to follow, someone high on mountain dew and pizza won't understand what you mean when you say "That's some serious pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis!"
Download the instructions sheet below if you need a clinically tested instructions sheet used by only the best!
Step 4: Enjoy a Good Nights Sleep
Go to sleep knowing you are a horrible person!
Now, your crew will slowly creep up your view count. At this point, you can confidently go to your bedroom, blockade the doors and enjoy a mostly restless night of sleep. Don't let the pizza and mountain dew addicts bite!
I am not responsible if you are stabbed, shot, murdered, eaten, mutilated, devoured, nibbled or swallowed during the night by people high on mountain dew and/or pizza. You best defense is to keep a steady supply of the two foods incoming via a delivery or catering service. In the event that the foods run out and your crew becomes homicidal or realises that you have enslaved them. Block the entrances to your bedroom and call 911. A mountain dew and pizza addict will do anything to get the precious two foods and so your life is in real danger. Before starting it may be wise to stock up on pizza and mountain dew ammunition for any guns that you may have. If you do not have any guns then it may be wise to make DIY mountain dew or pizza grenades to throw in the event that they attempt to infiltrate your home in the search of pizza and mountain dew. The above things might give you critical time for you to escape. In the event you cannot escape you may want to fashion pizza and mountain dew from body parts and/or organs. A substitute for pizza may include grafted skin for a base, along with blood for the sauce, organs for the pepperoni and mucus shavings for the cheese. Mountain dew can be substituted using urine and saliva. In most cases the mountain dew and pizza addicts will just take your offering and leave. Mostly because you are howling in pain on the floor almost dead. But in the event that they do not you should offer your body parts in order from the least needed, to the most. Start with an entree of finger and toe salad, moving on to a main core of arms, legs and rib cage niblings, and ending in a desert of liver and bladder pudding with a seasoning of hair. Hopefully the addicts are full by this stage and will leave you alone, probably passed out from pain, on the floor, almost dead. In the event that they are still hungry offer other treats like household rats and mice instead of your critical organs. Try to make a pact with the *new leader. Offer him endless mountain dew and pizza in the event that they do not eat you. In the event this does not work then attempt to stall the addicts until the morning sunshine as this will return them to a state of basement gamer and de-leathaltise them.
Step 5: Expend the Crew
If you're not dead, you're doing well.
The secret is to wake up just before daybreak, stand in the middle of your garage and shout like Cave Johnson at everyone as soon as day breaks. Be angry, be annoyed! Sound like they have done something wrong!
At day break the effectiveness of mountain dew and pizza wears off, so you need to quickly get rid of everyone. Otherwise, they will realise what is happening.
If someone stays behind, take a piece of pizza and throw it out onto your driveway. When they go scampering for the pizza simply close the door.
Step 6: Enjoy the Views!
Now jump onto any computer with internet access and view your article. It will have at least a million views and you will be a successful person! If you do this be sure to use the I made it button above to show me how many views you got! You should also send a private message to Kiteman showing him how amazing you are at cheating. Kiteman loves learning about awesome members in the community who know how to exploit the system and cheat!
Step 7: Realise This Is a Joke
Pat the unicorn and Realise that this ible is a joke, have a great day!
P.S. Sorry about the absence of photos, and use of Gifs. I couldn't find anyone who would volunteer to stand in front of the camera. So I used inanimate objects and Gifs that the respective authors have allowed me to use.