Heaven and Hell Preserves

Introduction: Heaven and Hell Preserves

About: I am a paper arts instructor and star of the Understand Blue Paper Arts Television Show on weekly in the Austin Market. I am a marketing professional by day, and love all things visual. I am a member of t...

This is the most fun gift I give during the holiday season, and it is not for the faint of heart, but it is devilishly hot and as sweet as an angel!

My recipe yields eight 8 oz jars of heavenly yum.

Teacher Notes

Teachers! Did you use this instructable in your classroom?
Add a Teacher Note to share how you incorporated it into your lesson.

Step 1: Ingredients

2 lbs. jalapenos
1 lb. onions
4 C. sugar
1/4 C. apple cider vinegar
1/4 C. water
1/2 tsp. turmeric

A large pot
A stove
A LOLcat
A respectable beer
(8) 8 oz. Ball jars with lids

Step 2: Slice Jalapenos

Choose two pounds of firm, smooth skinned jalapenos. Wash them with vegetable soap and slice them into 1/4" slices or to your preference. Leave the seeds and ribs intact - this is the source of "hell".

Add the jalapenos to a large pot.

Step 3: Slice and Add Onions

Slice (no finesse needed) 1 pound of white or sweet onions and add them to the pot with the jalapenos.

Step 4: Add Liquids

Combine 1/4 C. water with 1/4 C. apple cider vinegar and add to the pot.

Step 5: Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble...

Bring the peppers, onions and liquids to a boil.

It is at this point that you will begin to think I'm insane, because you have a giant pot of vegetables and 1/2 C of liquid, but don't fight the magic!

I've made this faithfully for 8 years and it works!

Step 6: LOLcat Quality Assurance

As these begin to cook down, there should be a delicious, peppery atmosphere in your kitchen. Put your LOLcat on the counter.

If your LOLcat makes this face, UR doing it rite..

Step 7: Sugar & Spice and Everything Nice

When the onions are translucent and the peppers have changed color, add 4 C. sugar and 1/2 tsp. turmeric.

Mix well, and bring mixture back to a low boil.

Step 8: The Final Moments

Simmer the mixture until it resembles my photo - the onions will be translucent and the skin of the jalapenos will begin to wrinkle a bit at the edges. The liquid will have a light syrupy texture.

You will most likely get very thirsty during this step, so take advantage of your respectable beer.

Step 9: Presentation

Remove the Heaven and Hell preserves from the stove and spoon into eight 8 oz. Ball jars that you have warmed with boiling water. Distribute syrup evenly among jars. Leave about an inch of head space in each jar, and attach lids tightly.

Step 10: Cool It, Baby

Allow the jars to come to room temperature before refrigerating.

Step 11: Decorate As Desired

Decorate jars and give to friends. I bring mine to our firehouse every year at Christmas - firemen love hot food!

Heaven and Hell should be served with cream cheese on a cracker - my preference is for Wheat Thins. Be sure  recipients have Shiner Bock handy and have said their prayers.

Participated in the
Holiday Gifts Contest

Be the First to Share


    • One Pot Meals Speed Challenge

      One Pot Meals Speed Challenge
    • Backyard Contest

      Backyard Contest
    • First Time Author Contest

      First Time Author Contest

    9 Discussions


    7 years ago on Step 7

    Hi Emma! I've kept it as long as six months, but you'll eat it before then :)


    7 years ago on Step 7

    Just a few quick questions, How long will it last before it goes moldy? I don't have a cat so what do I use to make sure I am doing it right? My kids and grandsons love hot stuff, so I thought I would make up a batch for them as a Thanksgiving gift.


    9 years ago on Introduction

    Oh my this does sound devilishly good! Can you can it so it keeps more than a few weeks?


    9 years ago on Introduction

    I just tried this, sort of :-) I had a very large jar of hot jalapeños in my fridge... so hot as to be inedible, so I figured I had nothing to loose by experimenting. Haven't tried it on cream cheese yet because it has to cool a bit first, but it looks the same and I can actually eat the peppers in it now, lol I intend to do it again and make it using fresh peppers but just wanted to let anyone know who is contemplating a way to get rid of a jar of really hot peppers, this recipe will do the trick!


    9 years ago on Introduction

    great another recipe I HAVE to try ! ! sounds like a real tongue teaser. thank you for sharing .. if you enjoy hot peppers check out my pepper relish "ible"


    9 years ago on Introduction

    This looks delicious! Can you BLEND the mixture to make it more of a jelly spread?


    Reply 9 years ago on Introduction

    Oh well I've never tried but I think it's quite brilliant! It's so completely delicious. Even just the syrup part is so amazing on cream cheese. MMM.


    My mouth is watering and my nose is slightly stinging! Mmmmm. Can't wait to try this. :)