How Medicated Chest Rub Will Save Your Relationship

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About: Former Instructables employee. Living in San Francisco amidst the fog. I love getting my hands dirty by taking on new projects, developing unique skills and learning fun facts.

Let's face it, there has been some tension lately. Every relationship goes through its ups and downs, but let's take the passive route this time, and avoid one of those "we need to talk" confrontations. Ungh.

Luckily, with just a small amount of medicated vaporizing chest rub, your relationship woes can be squashed before any serious conversation needs to happen. Who knew? Thanks Vicks!


Step 1: A Classic Decongestant

I'll just get the obvious use out of the way: VapoRub can do wonders for your beauty rest. If your partner is snoring or hacking up a storm all night, just rub a little Vicks on their chest so they'll shut up. You'll be back to counting sheep in no time. 

Otherwise, I hear the couch is relatively comfortable sleeping option. For them, of course.

Step 2: Play Footsie Again

Does it feel like the magic's gone? Has that spark fizzled? 

Back when you were first dating you couldn't keep your hands, or toes for that matter, off of each other. But now your partner's funky feet couldn't be more of a turn off. Nasty.

While VapoRub was originally intended for your sinuses, it has a surprising amount of uses further south on those sore puppies. If you or your partner have lately kept the socks on while things have been getting hot-and-heavy, it might be time to take further action and stop being embarrassed.

Heels dry and cracked? Tell your loved one to keep these rough soles away from you, and to rub Vicks on them instead. They should heal up after a few treatments - and smell menthol fresh!

While having an athletic partner can certainly have its pluses, athlete's foot is a major no-no. VapoRub clears this up in no time.

Toenail fungus getting you down? Massage chest rub on the affected toenails once or twice daily. They'll eventually turn dark, but don't worry! This just means you're killing the fungus. As you continue to trim your toenails, you'll soon find them growing in free of fungus and in great shape.

Now that you both can wear sandals again, maybe it's time to bring that tropical vacation idea back to the table.
 


Step 3: Not Tonight Honey, I Have a Headache

...no, but really.

If you're not making excuses and are actually feeling some pain, rub a little Vick's on your temples, or under your nose if it's a sinus headache. Drink some water, take an aspirin or two, and you should be able to get back to those more enjoyable things in no time.


Step 4: It's Not You, It's Your Cat

Some people are dog people. Some people are cat people. These differences are what make life so exciting.

But when you asked your partner to move in and to bring Mr. Whiskers along, you weren't expecting him to be such a furry feline menace. He's scratching up your couch, peeing all over your carpet, and seems to think of your legs as his personal climbing tree. I know you're angry, but there's no need to take drastic measures.

Cats detest the menthol and eucalyptus smells in Vicks, and as you're starting to detest Miss Kitty and everything she stands for, it seems only fitting to smear chest rub all over those things she loves. She'll steer clear from now on. Just a small amount does wonders, and won't do any more damage to your drapes than that tiny bobcat already has.


Step 5: "You Don't Know Why I'm Crying?!"

Sometimes a little drama can go a long way. If you need some added leverage in your relationship, and think feigning tears would do the trick, take page out of Acting 101's book and grab that chest rub. Dab just a tiny bit below your eyes, and as the vapors rise up you'll start tearing. Now whip out those fake sobs and get to negotiating.



Step 6: Lipstick on His Collar?

If you suspect your man of cheating, perhaps it's time to take matters into your own hands.

Many professional race horse owners swear by chest rub as a way to keep their male horses focused on their training. When spring is in the air, and all the fine young lady horses are emitting powerful estrus pheromones, many trainers will rub Vicks on the males' noses. The strong medicated smell completely overpowers those natural feminine perfumes, and the boys can get back to business.

If he's been acting suspicious lately, but you don't feel like asking the hard question, rub some VapoRub under his nose and he'll be your personal stallion once more.

Step 7: Proceed With Caution

Take some care when working with chest rub, because you don't want to get Vicks in your eye (or any orifice / sensitive place for that matter. Yes, I'm talking to you folks who really want to get creative with this mentholated rub. I know what you're thinking...and it's a horrible idea). Chest rub can cause some serious damage if used improperly. VapoRub contains camphor, among other things, which is poisonous if ingested. There are people out there who swear by Vicks as a cure for acne, paper cuts, splinters, chapped lips, or even hemorrhoids. As always, please consult your doctor before self-medicating.

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    88 Discussions

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    GinaK23

    9 months ago

    I don’t understand the last one about putting it under your mates nose? Is that so he is not destracted by the smell of other women? Would that not also make him not be able to smell your own pheromones? Please elaborate as I would love for him to regain his super stallion powers.

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    diamar79

    7 years ago on Introduction

    Camphor is the same stuff moth ball are made of and are poisonous if ingested..Oddly enough, camphor is also found in most medicated chap sticks and lip balms...

    3 replies
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    Last time I checked moth balls are made of naphthalene. Wait, guess I'm wrong. They changed to something else. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothballs

    Camphor is a plant product and in general, plant products are going to be more expensive than petroleum derivatives so it's not really in the mothball manufacturers' interest to use camphor if a cheaper synthetic is available. I'm sure it was used once upon a time to repel moths but not any more. People just say the mothball smell is camphor because it's gotten stuck in our culture.

    Camphor isn't toxic in SMALL quantities. There's a phrase "the dose makes the poison". If the Wikipedia article is reasonably accurate, you'd have to eat a teaspoon of pure camphor to kill yourself. So keep the ointment out of reach of children and pets, but no problem rubbing it on your chest. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camphor#Toxicology

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    Most anything isn't going to kill you in "small" doses, and a lot of things that are considered poisonous would take a lot more than a teaspoon to kill ya, but it's still strange that they would use it in something like chapstick since it can also cause more irritation on your chapped lips.... It was, in fact, my childs pediatrician that pointed this out to me. And in fact Camphor is considered an insect repellent and is still used in some moth balls, but naphthalene is no longer used because of it's flamable qualities.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothball. I stay away from mothballs all together. Cedar is just as efficient and doesn't require harmful chemicals..I do use vapor rub because nothing does the job quite as well. Considering these facts, wouldn't it seem that it would also make a great outdoor bug repellent? It seems we could fight the mosquitos and the seasonal congestion at the same time..:)

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    GinaK23diamar79

    Reply 9 months ago

    Mothballs and liquid WD40 added to your gas actually ups the octane of your gas. For itchy mosquito bites, try warming a cup of water in the microwave for 2 min. When the temperature of the cup is tolerable, hold it against your bite til it cools down and wallah no more itchiness! Also works for acne. There used to be a device for this but it never caught on. It actually works if you can maintain the heat for 60 seconds.

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    Seezor

    7 years ago on Step 5

    My wife and I did this by mistake once. I applied some vicks to my chest and neck then went to bed. Long story short we got frisky and I started sweating, The vicks enhanced sweat made its way down my chest and to her "tootoot". This sent her running to the bathroom to find a wash cloth. I guess if you try that you need to make sure it's not irritating to your partner.

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    nanavermSeezor

    Reply 2 years ago

    Imagine hot pepper oil on your "parts". That's what it feels like. Been there, done that accidently like you two. Not fun!

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    VagsmaCutterSeezor

    Reply 7 years ago on Introduction

    I vaguely remember one Sunday, many moons ago, an episode of Popeye, where Bluto switched Popeye's jar of Spermaceti with a jar of Vap-o rub (this was before Olive Oil) Needless to say, later, after Popeye had liberally applied his usual dose, some eventually made its' way to his, "tootoot" which, not surprisingly, kind of rubbed him the wrong way. He then proceeded to administer the standard whoopin to Bluto that, as we all know, marked the end of cartoon. The End "tootoot"

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    CricketRadioVT

    2 years ago

    Rubbing on the soles of the feet works much better...

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    swaxman

    2 years ago

    enjoyed your photos Author

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    swaxman

    2 years ago

    enjoyed your photos Author

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    swaxman

    2 years ago

    these comments arnt a place for captain hindsites & his possi of feeble throwbacks. fyi btw lmfao rolf harris

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    mshonnie

    2 years ago

    Yuck hate the smell of Vicks my mother use to put that on my chest when I had a cold with a stuffy nose, never knew it could be used to help someone stop snoring have to try that on the husband, hahahah, hope he don't try to lick it off, hahaha during his sleep, hahaha

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    prickly vegan

    2 years ago

    Just FYI, a few drops of eucalyptus or tea tree essential oils can accomplish these tasks as well. Cheaper and cleaner. The foot rub can be done with petroleum jelly, which is the base of chest rubs. One should be aware that petroleum jelly is a plastic of sorts created as a waste product of petroleum refinement, as in petrol/gasoline.

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    MikeW15

    2 years ago

    Like others mentioned, I can attest to it stopping coughs by slathering it on the soles of your feet. Learned that trick this year.

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    the norm

    2 years ago

    Sheep farmers who have a new lamb with no mother, and what another mother to nurse it, will put vicks on the prospective mother's nose and on the baby lamb. The baby does not smell wrong, so it must be right. Adoption approved.

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    tiger12506

    2 years ago

    About cats not liking Vicks... that's not universally true. For example, I have a cat that takes immediate interest when I rub it on the back of my hands, and then proceeds to sit there and try to lick it off.

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    mickryobe

    2 years ago

    Just a friendly correction. This is an error that appears repeatedly.

    "...your relationship woes can be squashed..."

    Surely you do not want to squash anyone. It's too messy.

    Next time try "quashed". I am sure the following is what you meant.

    quash |kwôSH, kwäSH|

    verb [ with obj. ]

    reject or void, especially by legal procedure: his conviction was quashed on appeal.

  • put an end to; suppress: a hospital executive quashed rumors that nursing staff will lose jobs.
  • 2 replies
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    printjunkymickryobe

    Reply 2 years ago

    Actually ...
    This reminds me that every time I hear someone use the word jive, to refer to two things being in agreement or working smoothly together, that I think they probably mean, or are referencing the word jibe. Same for saying track instead of tack - coincidentally another sailing term - to mean path, especially a change in path and to be in accord along that path (or course or policy or means). But, while I might be correct about the word they are referencing (even if it's unknowingly), the fact is, the other word is a perfectly acceptable substitute. We can be on the same track, or the same tack. If two things jibe, they also jive. And so it is with quash and squash. Squash includes in it's definitions the idea of diminishing something to basically nothing. In fact, Websters considers them synonyms. After 19 years working with words (journalism) I've found that flexibility more often leads to better writing than rigidity (and few are more rigid than a newspaper copy editor with an imperative to orthodoxy).