Introduction: How to Have a Child on Pi Day
As I'm sure you are probably aware, pi day comes every year, but this pi day was particularly special. Pi day is celebrated on 3/14 every year, but this year only, the date approximates the date a bit closer.
This only happens twice a century. The date matches the value in the morning and evening (3.1415926 matches 3/14/15 9:26AM/PM).
Unfortunately, pi day has already passed and you are reading this ible now, you are out of time to have a child on THE Pi day. But there is a ray of hope, as you can see in the number presented above, when rounded to the fourth decimal point, pi becomes 3.1416, which corresponds to March 14th, 2016! So you might still be able to claim this nerdy victory.
DISCLAIMER: Not everyone is financially and emotionally ready to have a child, so if this ible sounds like something you would like to attempt, please carefully consider the consequences. This includes, but is not limited to sleepless nights, empty wallets, labor pains, sleepless nights, overwhelming joy, really cool toys, incredible increase in responsibility, and sleepless nights.
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Step 1: Find That Special Someone
Find someone to have the child with. (If you are male, you need a female, and if you are a female, you need a male). I highly recommend this be someone you like and preferably you could see yourself with for the rest of your life. You probably want to get married before attempting to have children, though it is not necessary.
This can be one of the hardest steps. Luckily, I found the love of my life at a relatively young age through a friend. We dated for a few years, and got married shortly after graduating college.
It is pretty hard to provide tips for this step. In general though, my advice is to be yourself. Love will often find you when and where you least expect it. It sounds like a cliche, but its pretty accurate. Just be patient and watch carefully for impostors, and it will happen.
Step 2: Talk With That Special Someone About Kids
You both need to be on the same page before attempting to have kids. You might think it would be the best thing in the world to have a kid on pi day (the second best pi day at that). However, they might not be ready, or have different goals in mind for what needs to be ready before having kids. This is also something that you do not want to put off though. It requires serious consideration. See disclaimer in introduction for a small list of the considerations. Also, pregnancy.org has some good resources about pregnancy and kids, and this very topic.
Step 3: Do Some Simple Math
This step is pretty simple. Once you decide to have a kid and know when you want to have them, do some math to see when to conceive to have them on you intended day.
Everyone says pregnancy takes 9 months, which is kind of true. A more accurate length of time would be 40 weeks or 280 days if you prefer. If you don't feel like counting out the weeks, there are some good online calculators for that sort of thing.
I'll save you a click, to have a kid on March 14, conception needs to happen sometime around June 14.
Step 4: Do the Deed
Step 5: Wait
This part can be very trying especially if you are the one carrying the baby.
My advice is to help her as much as possible, and remind her how beautiful she is as often as possible. Her body is creating life, and it takes a LOT out of her. Let her take it easy when possible, and enjoy your time together. Cherish every moment. If this is your first child, realize your lives are about to change forever, so please just enjoy being together, alone while you can.
My wife had a terrible time with morning sickness, swelling, back pain, and pain in general. It was hard to watch her deal with all of that, and there was almost nothing I could do to help. There are many ways you can't help, but there are many things you can do around the house and for her. Whenever possible, do them.
Also, realize she is going through a lot hormonally. Give her a break when she blows up about the toothpaste lid or some other similarly silly issue.
Good luck. Try to take it easy as much as possible. Don't be afraid to ask for help. That's what friends and family are for. There will be days when you don't feel like doing anything, just remember it will all be worth it when you see that tiny little face looking at you.
Get some sleep. You will look back at the days when you could go to bed whenever you want and cry a little on the inside.
Optionally, you can do some math while you wait. Measure the circumference of the belly determine the approximate radius.
From that radius, you could also get an approximation of the volume of the young lady's belly.
From there, you can plot the growth of mommy and baby over time. I doubt most mothers-to-be would really want you measuring her stomach and calculating its volume. If she's cool with it though, it could be a fun thing to do. (Plus its for Pi Day after all).
Step 6: Help Move the Labor Along
Disclaimer: I'm just a silly excited dad, don't do any of these things without first consulting your OBGYN.
If the day is here and you are full term, and there are no complications, it might be a good idea to try to move the labor along.
Method 1: Sex
The same method that got your baby in there in the first place may help get them out as well. As long as your water has not broke and its all clear with your doctor/midwife, go for it. It may not be guaranteed to help, but it certainly won't hurt. You won't have as much time for such things after the bundle arrives; plus, it's fun! ;)
Method 2: Acupressure
Believe it or not, acupressure may help to induce labor. The two main points to massage are the between the index finger and thumb and just above the ankle. Doesn't hurt to try.
Method 3: Go For a Walk
Walking encourages the baby to move farther down the cervix. It can also encourage your baby to get into the proper position if they are not already there. Once you are in labor, standing up and walking around can also help the labor to progress more quickly. A little friend called gravity.
Method 4: Spicy Food
There's no direct evidence that it helps induce labor, but hey, if you enjoy spicy food, you're killing two birds with one stone.
Step 7: Labor and Delivery
Similar to how things were with the pregnancy, help in any way you possibly can! You hold her through the pain, and say nothing of your own as she cuts off all circulation. You do whatever she asks, including joining in song and sway as you both sing Kum Bah Yah. You go in the room and fight any urge to faint, whether from the giant needle shoved in her back, or from all the lovely things (in addition to the baby) that spew from her loins. If she curses you out, just agree with her. And if she wants to hold your hand, pray she doesn't break it. BUT don't you dare withdraw it unless you want other things to be broken later...
Step 8: Enjoy Your Little One
Whether or not your baby ended up being born on the day you wanted (ours came just 2 days early), you have a new child. Enjoy them. Cry a little even. Its one of life's most amazing moments. And you can still celebrate the next closest Pi day by sharing Pie with them ;) Good luck!
Now, if you enjoyed my ible, don't forget to vote please!!!
Runner Up in the
Pi/e Day Contest