How to Avoid the 5 Biggest Dating Mistakes

About: I'm Harry, living about an hour north of Boston. I have more hobbies and interests than I have time for, and a very active social life as well. When home alone, which I enjoy from time to time, I am more lik...

It is simply amazing how the same dating mistakes keep getting made over and over. I’ve made most of these listed, some more than once, and have seen my friends, both male and female, make them as well. You have probably made someone yourself and can hopefully recognize them, and I can almost guarantee you will see friends and others making them!

Maybe reading about them will help you avoid making these mistakes, or at least if you can’t help yourself, you’ll know you are probably making a mistake.

We could debate which are the most common and biggest mistakes in dating, but certainly these five are high on everyone’s list of possible mistakes.

Step 1: Not Actively Dating

Women tend to wait around for their metaphorical “Knight in Shining Armor” to show up on a white horse, while men are more likely to use terms like “get lucky.”

You need to go looking for that knight or at least make your own luck.

If you are looking for a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife, you need to actually look! It is not that hard, but you need to take action. You certainly do not need to be aggressive, do not need to go hang out in singles bars etc. but you do need to take some action.

Try Internet dating, speed dating, ask friends if they know anyone single to set you up with, and more.

Internet dating is simple, and especially if you are a woman, plenty of men will contact you. I’m a man and I also have quite a few women contact me, although I also send out plenty of initial emails as well.

Look online for nearby speed dating events. You’ll meet lots of people quickly, and develop dating skills quickly if needed.
Also, sitting at home, watching TV and eating potato chips is not going to help. Get out more often. You never know who you might meet!

Sitting around and waiting is no way to get anything done in life!

Step 2: Not Dating Enough

Some people like my cousin are lucky and are happily married to the first person they ever dated, but that is certainly the exception! You usually need to date quite a few people before you even know your likes and dislikes!

Imagine eating only five kinds of food before deciding on your favorite food? "My favorite food is Twinkies" - how silly! Well, imagine briefly dating 5 people and deciding that one of them is “it” – the one you are destined to be with? That is absurd! 

And yes you can and probably should date multiple people at once, as long as you are honest about it. If I have had two dates with a wonderful woman, I’m certainly going to hope things work out in the long run, but it is still a long shot! There is nothing wrong with dating others until you become serious.

Maybe love at first sight exists, but certainly not for most of us!

Step 3: Oneitis - a Crush Taken to the Point of Unhealthy Obsession

Oneitis is closely related to not dating enough, but it can even happen to those who have dated a lot.

Oneitis is a crush taken to the point of unhealthy obsession. You think that one person, who often you do not even know that well, maybe have gone out with a handful of times only if at all, is the only one for you.

It can strike anyone at anytime, regardless of age or sex.

They are not. And if they were you don’t know them well enough to know. At best they are a “maybe” and you may have every reason to be hopeful, but not to have an unhealthy obsession.

Oneitis is often confused with love but it certainly isn’t!

Step 4: Confusing Liking With Attraction

So, someone likes you. That doesn’t mean they are attracted to you.

I like my cleaning lady and my son’s teacher a lot. They are wonderful people. But I am certainly not attracted to them. Not in a physical, romantic, or sexual way remotely! Also I certainly hope they are not attracted to me!

Attraction and liking are different things. There is often a lot of overlap, but they are distinctly different.

Men in particular seem to confuse these concepts.

Step 5: Trying to Impress Someone to Create or Increase Attraction.

Both men and women are often guilty of this. Impressive people are, well, impressive. That doesn’t mean they are attractive. And trying to impress people rarely works.

This peacock is impressive. I do not find it attractive, nor people acting like peacocks either! People should not dress or act like peacocks, metaphorically speaking of course.

They are lots of ways to see if you are compatible with someone, but trying to impress them to jump start the process rarely works and often backfires.

Here are some more online resources:

http://www.okcupid.com - My favorite free online dating site. Well worth looking at.

http://expertmensdatingadvice.com - Dating advice for men. Good info for ladies too!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speed_dating - The basics of speed dating, well described by Wikipedia!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Pg-FZ9KJAk - Great Speed Dating Questions - they matter a lot when you only have a few minutes

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      xjjoshua

      5 years ago on Introduction

      Not really a DIY sort of article...seems like i should find this on buzzfeed.