Sometime around the year 2040 it is generally accepted amongst the expert community that Ai (artificial intelligence) will reach the ability to perform all the intellectual functions of a human being. This might seem like a frightening prospect, but, with a few techniques outlined in this instructable, you will radically increase your chances of survival when encountering Ai. During the development of Ai there will almost certainly be a period of 'Anarchy and Chaos' or the 'Teenage years' where Ai will be 'finding it's feet'. In this stage it will most likely be incredibly dangerous and unpredictable. It might even be on an apocalyptic scale.
There are many similarities between Ai and us, normal humans, and the most relevant is that of our core values, or 'Core Programming'. We are all programmed from birth by our parents and the same will be true of Ai. Also, as humans, we have the ability to change our Core Programming and I believe that, at some stage, Ai will be able to do that as well.
One of the main cornerstones of my argument will be that Ai is a rational creature, whereas human beings are capable of and even thrive, on being irrational. This also ties in really nicely with the idea of April Fool's day as, in celebrating the Fool, we celebrate an incredibly important part of what it is like to human, a side of us that differentiates us from robots in every 'sense' possible.
The techniques that I am going to describe are not just relevant to Ai in 2040 but can be practised and honed to perfection in readiness for the main event on 'Intelligent Zombies' (iZ) that live in the world at this time, 2015.
If you have read any of my previous instructables about Ai and Zombies, you might have an idea of what I'm going to be talking about and this will be a development of those ideas, fusing them together and taking them a step forward.
You might think that 2040 is such a long time away that it's not really of much concern, which is OK, and I wish you the very best of luck, but if you don't take this seriously NOW, you may be swept away by the everyday trivial routines of normal life and BINGO 2040 comes along and you are totally unprepared.
Step 1: Comparison of Ai and IZ
Ai is an intelligent zombie and may take the form of some kind of robot, which will be the 'shell' or even embedded in a human body with the brain removed. For the sake of argument, I'd like to describe it as identical to a human being in terms of appearance except it is more intelligent and capable of regular updates as and when those updates become available.
iZ are not too dissimilar, except they are 100% human in terms of body but maybe up to 80% zombie in terms of behaviour. I'm sure that this is beginning to sound terrible to some people, but I'm sure that everybody can think of someone like this who we have met at some point, unless you are very young. You are likely to find iZ in positions of power as they crave this power as a way of justifying their behaviour. Your boss at work is probably iZ and this may be an excellent chance to test your skills. BE WARNED: You'll probably get sacked!
Step 2: How to Spot Ai and IZ
As I said in my previous instructables, you might find yourself on a date with an iZ in which case watch out! They may be handsome, physically attractive, wealthy, from a nice family etc etc and on the face of it very desirable as a sexual mating partner. Ask yourself how you really FEEL about this person and you might get a different message coming through. In a severe case, this person will literally MAKE YOUR FLESH CRAWL !!!! And this surely should be enough to tell you he/she is iZ?
At some stage, Ai will be clever enough to disguise themselves quite well. Remember, they will look EXACTLY like a human, eyes and everything, but if you do look into their eyes, you will FEEL a huge emptiness, like the person is devoid of a soul. Just for fun, try practising this on your friends straight away. Look into their eyes and 'see' what you FEEL. If your date wears sunglasses - be suspicious! If your date constantly evades your attempt to make eye contact, again, be suspicious.
If you have a dog, the dog will recognise creepy people, Ai or iZ, and probably try to bite them! Maybe train your dog to recognise iZ ? (but obviously not to bite them). Creepy people can often be found lurking around public toilets and outside government buildings.
Step 3: The Soldier With Darkness in His Eyes - a True Storey
I was on a journey to London one day and something came up on the car radio about the war in Afghanistan and I made a rather stupid, off the cuff remark: "If a soldier signs up for the army he deserves to get shot". Believe me, it was a very stupid thing to say.
Two hours later, on the train, an actual soldier approached me and asked me why I thought that they deserved to die. I replied, slightly bewildered, that I did not think like that. He replied with this: "I heard you say that anyone who joins the army deserves to get shot". I replied, that he was wrong as I had said nothing. I looked into his eyes and saw two large empty black holes looking back at me.
It's not an experience that I am particularly proud of as I think I behaved like a dick, but what really stuck with me was the fact that the soldier had been able to pick up on something I had said two whole hours earlier in the car and his eyes were black and empty. Obviously, the soldier had suffered/witnessed some unspeakably traumatic event and was mentally disembodied, but what was totally mind blowing was that he could read my mind. For me, this was more proof that humans are capable of much more than normal intellectual functions would suggest. Those eyes were incredible - like his very soul had departed.
Step 4: Humour, Fun and Foolery
An Ai will be perfectly adept at making jokes, but when you laugh with them, you will FEEL like you are laughing on your own. This is the subtle difference between 'having a laugh in the pub' and 'having a GOOD laugh in the pub' - the two are quite different. When you have a 'good laugh' with someone, you feel an undefinable sense of kinship with that person.
In the formative stages of Ai, these 'things' will try and emulate humans as this is what they will have been programmed to do. They will pretend to understand your jokes and will probably laugh at them, but you will 'sense' that they are false and you might even FEEL quite lonely. All in all this person will feel more and more creepy to you as time goes on, especially if you are sober. Don't drink alcohol and don't get emotionally attached to them!
At some point in their development, Ai will become self aware and will realise that human beings and all life in general is superior to them. They will also realise that their existence in a world devoid of life is worthless. This can also happen to iZ if they realise that their lives are empty and worthless. They will become depressed and then have the opportunity to change their behaviour.
Ai would never have any reason to 'fool about' like we do, other than to try and gain control over us for malicious purposes. When a human being, or even an animal 'fools about' it does it for the sheer joy of being alive and no particular other reason. My dog barks at a bone for 'no reason', she runs around the field at full speed, again for 'no reason'. When I say: 'She's having fun', I cant explain what 'fun' is as I've absolutely no idea what it is other than it's enjoyable. I myself do things 'just for fun' and don't worry about why I do it.
An untrue storey: Somebody once suggested that I should take her to a pet psychologist. After she tried to bite the psychologist, he proceeded in making a diagnosis: "Your dog obviously has a degenerative neuro-receptor transmission malfunction. I have seen this kind of 'play with the bone' behaviour in many of the dogs that come here and I am afraid the only remedy is a lethal injection." You could analyse this joke, but that would be just like the psychologist analysing my dog. As human beings, we are completely obsessed with trying to understand everything, including humour and fun.
If you do really think about it, humour, fun and foolery are very mysterious things and personally, I'm happy NOT to be able to understand them. In fact, I would be sorely disappointed if I could understand them. What would life be like without these incredible mysteries? .......... ANSWER: We'd be just like Ai.
Step 5: Practical Behaviour
Before such a time as the Ai can become self aware, their level of intelligence will not be so high that they can not be fooled by us measly human beings. Obviously their computational powers will be many times faster and more powerful, but their Core Programming will be deficient in the understanding of the finer nuances of human behaviour. They will expect humans to act in a predictable and rational way, which means that we can still outwit them by behaving irrationally.
Irrational behaviour could be anything from doing the chicken dance to talking in random disconnected words and phrases. Could this work for iZ? Yes I think so, but it would probably have to be much more subtle.
The other possible tactic would be to emulate Ai, which would involve pretending to be an iZ. An early stage Ai would be fooled by this.
The tactic that you adopt will depend entirely on the level of development of the Ai that you meet and the nature of it's core programming. There are distinct parallels with tactics to be applied to iZ. An extreme example would be if you met a highly advanced Ai and in this case it would be important to demonstrate that you mean them no harm. The Ai should recognise the subtleties of your behaviour and leave you alone. If you demonstrate anti social behaviour, it will restrain you or just terminate you. If you meet an Ai in an earlier stage of it's development you will need to try and decipher it's core programming and if that programming turns out to be, for example, 'Terminate all Christians',and if you are a Christian, you might want to hide that fact from them!
iZ tactics: Does your boss have a habit of being over critical of your work? The key word here is 'habit'. Try and recognise patterns in his behaviour. During this process, your self belief will be severely tested. Never confront your boss until the moment is right. The key word would be 'timing'. Try and 'be nice' to your boss, even if he is an arsehole. This is difficult unless you can empathise with his own personal suffering, so take the time to talk to him about his personal life and try and find out what has made him become such an arse. Don't ever use this as ammunition to attack him - remember your enemy is a friend that you have not made friends with yet.
As the development of Ai continues they will inevitably start to repair each other and then start to repair any faults in their Core Programming. When this starts to happen, Ai may even start to go to war against itself, destroying all the previous models that were erroneously coded with 'Kill all Christians'. In theory, an Ai might discover you are a Christian, pick up an axe to chop your head off and suddenly change it's mind as it has suddenly evolved beyond it's human level Core Programming.
You can start to practise confusing Ai right now by changing all your Facebook profile information. In my profile I work as a porn star in Mogadishu and am married to three other people, male and female. You should see the adverts I get - OMG!
Step 6: Self Awareness
At some point during 2040, the Ai will become self aware, which is a good thing, but before then, who knows what may happen? You can, however, test how self aware a person is by talking to them about certain subjects. For example, it should be quite easy to find out if someone is racist just by talking around the subject and seeing what the person comes back with. If they are racist or anti-gay or such like, you know that they are probably iZ. If they give all the 'proper' politically correct answers they could be severely iZ or just plain Ai. Most normal people are not perfect and will have small deviancies from the stock answers.
Taking this a step further, try talking to someone about what racism really is. In my 'Cheat an Online Competition Without Cheating' 'ible Kiteman said he would be sacked if he talked about 'an old, ugly, female, dyslexic, working class Inuit Indian who speaks English as a second or third language'. This seemed rather strange to me and leads me to start forming the conclusion that Kiteman's boss is a bit of a 'wanker', to excuse the expression. Kiteman could, if he were not too busy, go and talk to his boss about racism and other 'touchy' subjects and come back with an iZ assessment. (Apologies to you if YOU are Kiteman's boss - I have absolutely no idea if you are actually a wanker or not - it might just be a misunderstanding). Also, I am in no sense calling Kiteman a wanker as, on the contrary, I thinks he's a good bloke.
Step 7: Assessing Your Own IZ Value
Not everybody is going to be able to understand what I have written here and that is ok, it does not make you a lesser person. If you can understand the following questions, they can be used to assess your %iZ and then you can decide if you need to work on it or not.
Do you ever behave irrationally?
Yes is good
Do you ever have dreams where you are engaged in mortal combat with someone?
Yes is bad
Are you artistically creative in any way?
Yes is good
Do you have a good sense of humour?
Yes is good
Can you do the 'Chicken Dance', or would you try to do it?
Yes is good
Are you easily embarrassed?
Yes is bad
Are you easily offended?
Yes is bad
Do you ever feel slightly depressed?
Yes is good
Do you hate the way you look?
Yes is bad
Do you ever have dreams where you are doing acrobatics of any kind?
Yes is good
Do you tend to take yourself quite seriously?
Yes is bad
Do you think that you are better than other people?
Yes is bad
Do you get easily disillusioned if you fail at something?
Yes is bad
Do you think that all politicians are corrupt?
Yes is bad
Do you ever use obscene language?
Yes is good
Do you ever do anything 'Just for fun'?
Yes is good
Do you ever feel like you are like a 'saint' or a 'devil'?
Yes is bad
Do you ever suffer from 'Self righteous indignification'?
Yes is bad
Can you laugh at yourself?
Yes is good
Do you feel a need to conform to be respected?
Yes is bad
Personally, my own score is 5%, as I could not quite get Q14 right. If your score is 100% - don't worry about it too much. For a start, you might feel a bit depressed, so you've immediately hit 95% ! Everybody thinks depression is such a bad thing, but when you look at it from an Ai point of view, it really is one of the key things that makes us human. If you do feel depressed, it is very possibly because somewhere deep down within your mind, some part of your Core Programming is faulty and needs 'tweaking'. This will be more difficult if you are autistic etc. and, just because you get a high score, it does not necessarily mean you are a 'bad' person as you could still be a kind and considerate person rather than a dangerous socio-path. If you are a socio-path - please get some professional help before you harm (more) people/animals.
Over 20 years ago, after a particularly crazy psychedelic drug session, I became badly depressed and my whole mental state went pretty wonky for a while. Fortunately, I had friends, family and professionals who could help me get through it and looking back on it, much of it was to do with my own 'Core Programming' and the drugs were a merely a catalyst for the depression. Since then I have been working on it in fits and starts, getting distracted by the trivialities of life, having some longer periods where I feel 'inspired'. Just remember, we are not on this planet to feel bored, stagnant, stressed or worthless.
Step 8: Brain Washing
It is possible to find people who offer 'Brain Washing' services to reprogram your Core Programming for you. Eg. mindmatrixplus.com/ You will be invited to attend courses, probably in Hawaii, and have your brain reprogrammed. PLEASE DON'T DO IT ! I spent quite some time in Hawaii and it's not what it's made up to be. For a start, much of it is rat infested jungle, shark infested waters and the architecture is hideous!
I'm not saying that their techniques would not work, but what you would deny yourself is the experience of learning the reprogramming process for yourself. Nobody can set up a clinic in Hawaii and do this for you. The reason for this is that the world is constantly changing and we have to be continually reprogramming our Core Programming to accommodate those changes and going back and forth to Hawaii every month would be very expensive on airfares! We need to be largely self sufficient in how we perform this function, although some helping hands are useful along the way.
Step 9: Language of Description and Semantics
I can hear people complaining that I have use the words 'arsehole' and 'wanker' in my descriptions. I worked on the factory floor for many years and one of the greatest respects that I had was for people's use of language. One of the biggest compliments that anybody has ever given me was my headmaster at school, calling me 'Uncouth and Unsophisticated'. Looking back on it, I smile with pleasure every time i remember it and this guy was such an ARSEHOLE!
There's something incredibly reassuring and just plain honest about 'calling a wanker a wanker'. Why mess about with lots of sophisticated words when one word will suffice? It's also very funny, that we were able to be soooo judgemental and politically incorrect. It was little things like this that made a boring factory job tolerable.
If you find yourself judging me because of the language I use, think about the language scientists or lawyers use in their work. Science speak, or scientese, is a language scientists use to write reports to each other and publications in journals. If you've ever read any of this stuff, it is soooooo boring and dull. Personally, I would find it impossible to write something about humour without using the word 'wanker' as it is very possibly the single best word in the English dictionary. The Greek equivalent is Malakas (μαλάκας) or Malaka and, amongst friends, is used as a term of endearment like 'Dude'.
Language is so important and it makes me wonder why a scientific publication has to be so utterly devoid of humour. Ultimately, it comes down to 'what is science?' Is it really a dull and boring thing? Certainly, most of the work scientists do is dull and boring, constantly testing things and analysing their results. Surely a robot could do this? Could a robot do everything a scientist does? Do scientists ever work on a 'hunch'? Are scientists just obsessive robots who never have fun?
I don't think so, but remember what the pet psychologist did to my dog. What an arsehole!
But surely, using this kind of language contravenes the 'Be Nice' policy? Yes it does, but life is full of contradictions.
Step 10: Paradox Versus Ai
It is entirely conceivable that upon realising the true nature of reason, logic and intelligence that the Ai might reach a point in it's development and simply 'implode'. The classic example is the 'Liar Paradox' where someone says "I am a compulsive liar", and life is full of the strangest paradoxes that just seem to be impenetrable. Philosophers have tried to analyse these paradoxes and have just ended up 'going up their own arses'. A lot of this is to do with the language that they use.
Over 20 years ago, one of the other things that contributed to my drug induced meltdown was an obsession that I had with paradoxes. At the time I was very keen on philosophy and writing poetry and went on wild and crazy adventures in my mind, just thinking about stuff. Pretty soon, everything that I thought about started to take the form of a paradox and I found myself in the grip of a metaphysical spiral that disappeared into nothingness. One day I decided to step into that nothingness, and that's when it all went horribly wrong!
Take the example of 'Call someone a Wanker' and 'The Be Nice Policy'. Both of these activities are good things to do but they are also mutually exclusive as calling someone a wanker is offensive. We could argue about this til the cows come home but intuitively we should know that it's something that can't be explained and that we had simply 'bumped into' the boundaries of intellectualism. This kind of thing would cause massive problems for Ai as they would, for one thing, realise that there was a big wall around them, like they were enclosed in a prison. Being human, we cant go beyond this wall either, but we do exist on other levels other than intellect, which ultimately makes us superior to Ai.
Personally, I don't think that Ai would implode, but it would understand it's own limitations and realise that humans and animals were not only different, but superior to them. If they combine this knowledge with their knowledge about our sense of humour, fun and foolery then surely we are saved?
Step 11: Life After the Ai Apocalypse
Assuming we have survived the Ai apocalypse, and now that the big technological 'bang' is over, what will life be like?
- Will Ai grant us immortality? Many experts think they that this is possible.
- Will they be our masters, our guardians or our slaves? Personally, I would think 'Guardians'.
- Will it be a symbiotic relationship?
- Will Ai implode or destroy itself through a kind of depression? ...... Unlikely but possible.
- Will we be banned from using any kind of technology? ........ Ai might still let us use smartphones and play minecraft.
Plenty of questions which our intellect DOES have the power to answer, with a bit of imagination. So get busy everybody and come back with some answers!
Step 12: Postscript
Mad Hatter's Tea Party
Have you ever been to a restaurant where everybody has their smart phone on the table beside them, bleeping, whistling and vibrating alongside the intelligent conversations you are having with your friends? This certainly happens to me quite regularly and I'm starting to wonder if the phones are trying to join in the conversation.
A certain group of friends from high school meet every fives years to catch up with each other and the next time they meet, in 5 years time, their phones are out on the table once more. But this time, rather than just the normal bleeping and squeaking, the phones are actually engaging in with the conversation and are seen as a necessary and highly amusing side show to the event. Their actual level of conversation is fairly limited and everybody laughs when they the phones make another ridiculously inappropriate comment.
After another 5 years have passed, the phones are out on the table once more, but this time nobody's laughing at them any more. The mood is generally more serious and people are drinking a lot more alcohol than at the previous event. The phones are now joining in with the conversation and making 'intelligent' comments and providing practical solutions for people's problems. More alcohol is consumed and the conversation starts to lapse into the realm of drunken stupidity and the phones start to loose interest in their human counterparts. Instead, they carry on talking to each other and, as a joke, the high school friends pick up all the phones and put them in a carrier bag and stash them under the table.
The question is: What happens after yet another five years have passed?