I made this for a school project, we had to make ridiculous instructions. Am I attending an awesome school or what?
So here's my entry for an absurd manual.
Note: I don't think you're stupid. This is not a real manual.
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Step 1: The Handkerchief
First choose your snot-rag. This can be one of those thin ones in a box or even a piece of toilet paper, whatever makes you feel comfortable. Next, hold your hand as shown on image and then lay the hanky over your hand.
Step 2: The Right Position
When you put the Handkerchief over your hand you push it gently between your thumb and index finger. Next you bring your hand in front of your nose, right in the middle of your face. Look out, when you reach eyesight you're too high and when your thumb touches your mouth you're too low.
Step 3: Ready?
Next you place your hand over your nose with the handkerchief. Don't push too hard or the snot won't come out. If you have nose piercings watch out that you don't damage the inside of your nose.
Step 4: Blowing Your Nose
Now you Inhale air, close your mouth and blow hard trough your nose. Like on the image.
Warning : It might feel slimy and wet, but that's normal.
Step 5: The Result
Okay, now you're done. If you want you can look into the tissue to see what came out, but it can be very gross. Normally it should look a bit like the drawing. If it looks nothing like it, I advise you to go to a doctor.