How to Make Meatshorts for Dick Cheney.........or Your Friends

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Introduction: How to Make Meatshorts for Dick Cheney.........or Your Friends

About: http://atypicalart.com

Step by step instructions on how to make shorts made of meat - simple, stylish and pungent!

Step 1: Check Your Equipment

Do you have a dehydrator or access to one? If so, you can make your own jerky. You can make very large cuts that will cover more area on your fancy shorts. There's also more marbling, which means it'll be chunkier and more colorful. Chunks are good for aesthetics. If you don't have a dehydrator, go out and buy a bunch of jerky and skip to step number 5. If you're buying jerky, get the least flavored type you can find, it'll stick better.

Step 2: Buy Some Meat

Vanessa and I opted for skirt steak, which is cheap and pretty thin. The butcher was also kind enough to give us some FREE meat for our project. Everybody loves free meat.

Step 3: Bring Home Your Meat

Bring home your meat, and slice it as thin as you can get it. We tried to slice the skirt steak in half , which worked sometimes. Ultimately, you don't want it any thicker than 1/4 inch, so do whatever you can without slicing your fingers off to get it thin. Large pieces look great on the shorts, so keep that in mind while you're slicing.

Step 4: Dehydrate

Put your meat in the dehydrator and turn it on. Wait patiently for two whole days. Read the directions for your dehydrator - you will probably need to rotate the trays every so often during this two day stretch. Also, check your meat! Some dried much faster than others, and it's easier to work with if it's a little bit soft.

Step 5: Buy Some Shorts

Buy some shorts. We were looking for red (Dick Cheney's favorite color), but Goodwill only had brown in the size we needed. Brown ended up looking pretty nice, though. You can obviously choose whatever color you'd like.

Step 6: Buy Some More Stuff

Buy some Goop for gluing. You will need at least two tubes. More if you decide to make meat knickers, less if you're opting for meat hot pants...you get the picture. For sewing, buy some embroidery thread or string in a color you like. We used two different colors for some contrast.
Pick up a large needle also - an upholstery needle worked well. A thimble would also be handy, but not entirely necessary. Take note of subtle product placement.

Step 7: Start Gluing!

Gather all your meat short making goods in a pile far away from pets and ants, and start working. Lay out the shorts and position the meat as you see fit, then glue it down with some goop.

Step 8: Let the Goop Set

Take a break to let it set. Do whatever you want for half an hour. We went to the 99cent store and bought some pool noodles and bees. I recommend that highly.

Step 9: Flip the Shorts

Flip your shorts and do the other side. The meat looks especially nice positioned in pockets and framing the buttocks.

Step 10: More Setting of Goop

Take another break and wait for that side to set.

Step 11: Check Your Meat

Check your meat to make sure it's stuck. The store-bought jerky is a lot oilier than the homemade stuff, so don't expect it to stick too well.

Step 12: Sew on Your Meat

Sew on your meat. We tried to do at least two stitches on each piece for extra staying power. Hand-sewing always takes a while, so settle in and enjoy it. After all, how often do you get to fondle jerky? Get creative with the stitching if you've got the time.

Step 13: You're Finished!

Be prepared, they'll be heavy, and quite ripe. A wonderful gift for any occasion (especially for Dick Cheney). This particular pair were made as a birthday gift for our dear friend and super rocker, Buck.

Step 14: Dick Cheney Supports Meatshorts, War and Puddin'

Thanks Dick!

Step 15: Care Instructions

Dry clean only
Avoid dog parks and ants

This was a Psycho Girlfriend project www.yourpsychogirlfriend.com

Step 16: And by the Way...

Peace, love and meatshorts.

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    72 Discussions

    Your meatshorts inspire and enlighten. And bring back memories of this game I used to play semi-obsessively for a while. If you are not familiar, you should be. It's all about the meat. You can get a meat car, a meat tree, and the currency is meat. Go play it now, and tell me what you think.
    http://www.kingdomofloathing.com

    I think a meat bikini would be super sexy. Perhaps a meat powersuit for the classier ladies. The possibilities are limitless.

    4 replies

    Probably best off sticking to chocolate etc... Meat is a bad idea being meat and all... Things that make bad underwear on killerjackalope's list - Peanut butter (smooth) - Squirty Cream (proper whipped works just fine) - Most sauces... - Fire - Chainmail (not my decision, but I had little hand in choosing at the time) - Molded glass (part of an elaborate prank) - Cardboard (again part of another elaborate prank)

    Are we to gather that this list should actually be titled:
    "Things that MADE bad underwear on killerjackalope's list"?

    Umm mostly, the most sauces bit is more of an assumption, the fire was joke went very bad, the hair on my thighs is still growing back, thankfully elastic boxers stopped the vitals being hit... I'd rather not talk about a few of them... painful experiences, especially the glass, too tight a fit...

    What! No one's come up with "Eat my shorts" yet? I guess Bart-isms are so 20 years ago. Speaking of things 20 years ago, I can remember a big stink (literally) about a meat dress installation at the National Gallery of Canada. The steak used in it was not jerkified, so it got pretty nasty, pretty quick. This was part of the intent of the piece, though I'm not quite sure what that was. Nice Instructable, by the way.

    you can't say that! Hippies are an endagnered species, a dying breed! *snicker*

    Wow. Just wow. Why didn't I find this in time for Halloween, when a friend of mine wanted to be Meatwad for Halloween? He thought about covering a suit in hamburger, but this is, well, hygienic for one.

    Hmmm seeing as how I support Dick Cheney, and that you thought it was necessary to flip people off for no apparent reason, I find this quite repulsive, vulgar, and unfit for this website.

    8 replies

    Thank you for your critique. Seeing that these are a very thoughtful gift for Dick Cheney and that our friend decided to give the cameraman the bird (not you), I find this fit for this website. For what it's worth, I decided to make these meatshorts for our dear pal, Dick Cheney, after eight guys in my brother's task force in Iraq died after a routine chopper mission went awry. Why don't ya go eat some puddin', simmer down and talk to someone else about why you support Dick Cheney.

    Nah.Freedom of speech is limited when it interferes with my rights, take a lesson from the FCC-bucko

    I don't see that one in the Bill of Rights anywhere.

    I'm so sick of people yelling about their "rights": "I have a right to drive down the street and not see advertisements featuring offensive content!" "I have a right to look at the internet and not see things that bother me!" "I have a right to walk into a movie theatre without screaming children!"

    We may all WANT these things, but they are not guaranteed as rights by the Constitution or the Bill of Rights. There is no law that states we have a right to be protected from *being upset* by shit we see or hear. If we choose to get upset, righteously indignant, even outraged by things life presents, well, that's our own damn problem.

    I can see the merit in the issue with the guy flipping off the photographer, because I think this website probably has a policy that would limit vulgar gestures in images that appear on the site; but I don't think you're really pissed about that. I think you're pissed because you happen to support Dick Cheney. [shrug]

    Maybe you could make the meat shorts and send them to a political figure *you* happened to dislike. They're versatile like that.

    Obviously someone didn't pass their US Government class in high school... And why exactly again do YOU dislike Dick Cheney, what did he do to you? Hmmm