How to Pick Up Women Online

*** Girls, no need to read any further... That stuff would never work on you anyways, right? ***

When it comes to chatting with girls, a lot of guys suffer from what has been termed 'approach anxiety': an unexplainable fear that overpowers them, when they want to talk to beautiful women.
Could practicing pickup online help conquer that anxiety? Can it help men become more charming and more confident in their interactions with women?

I believe it can, but playing the seduction game online is just as much a fun way to pass a few minutes of the day...

This instructable aims to show the more 'acceptable' side of pickup, and to introduce readers to a few concepts pick-up artists have been using over the last decade. It is heavily based on what is known as the 'Mystery Method', but its concepts have been adapted and sometimes heavily modified for the online game.
In this case, we will be looking specifically at Second Life, an online virtual world that mimics our real one.

Will you become a pickup artist (PUA) by playing an online game? Of course you won't... but -again- you might gain in confidence, and learn and practice a few routines.

You can find a slightly less 'office friendly' and much more candid version of this instructable on my website: online PUA

Step 1: About Second Life

Second Life (SL) is a 3D virtual world where you can interact with other users through your avatar (avi).
A video can paint a thousand words, so take a look at the example below to see what SL looks like:

Step 2: About Approach Anxiety

About 3 years ago, when I started playing Second Life, I met a girl inworld at a (virtual beach). Unlike the other bikini-clad users, she remained dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, and she was standing at the back of the beach.
Something did not seem quite right about her, and upon further inspection I discoverd her avi had a prosthetic leg.

I got talking to her (let's call her 'Silke'), and she explained to me that a year ago, she had suffered a ski accident and lost one of her legs. Silke was only 22 years old at the time.
Now she explained, she felt so self-conscious about her prosthetic leg, that she could bot get herself to go to the beach in real life... Some friends had recommended she try Second Life, in order to get used to the idea, and she had designed an avi to look just like her real life self.

Despite all that, she could still not bring herself to walk close to the water in a virtual world. I offered to accompany her, and we chatted and joked while sitting in loungers for a while...

The experience opened my eyes as to the possibilities SL could offer, in terms of conquering our fears, anxieties and inhibitions. It may only be a virtual world, but people display similar hangups than they do in the real one...

SL provides anxiety sufferers with an intermediate, easier step to conquer their fears.

Step 3: About Seduction

After playing Second Life for a while, I got curious about experiencing the virtual world from a female perspective... After all, it was only too easy to create a female avatar, to see how other men would then interact with me.
This experience too was an eye-opener!

To my surprise, men made very little effort in the art of conversation... Their skills were for a large part limited at best, and sometimes frankly inept, or plain vulgar.

Recurrent conversation openers were:
- Hi!
- Sup?
- How are you doing?
or even rather often:
- Hi bb, wanna f**k?

The rest of their conversation, often took the form of an interview , with a barrage of questions, but little in the way of listening:
- where r u from?
- how old r u?
- wot do u do?
etc. you get the picture...

I recalled the results of a 1978 survey conducted at Florida State Uni, in which seductive researchers asked members of the opposite sex the following question: "I find you very attractive. Would you go to bed with me tonight?".
In the survey, while a whopping 78% of men had answered 'yes' ; not a single one of the girls had given a positive answer... 0%

Why was it then, that men in SL were still hopeful to get laid by asking such inane questions as "Hi bb, wanna f**k?"

It was then I decided to start writing a blog about the art of pickup online .

Step 4: The Conversation Opener

Openers such as "Hi!" or "How are you?" may be fine in real life (but not very original), because they still take courage and confidence for a guy to deliver... His attitude has to be congruent: his body language confident, his tone of voice assured, and his eyes have to remain even.

However, none of these aspects of the opener are present in Second Life, which makes what you say (as opposed to how you say it) all important.

An opener is not a pickup line... It should be neither cheesy nor rude (unless you aim for a certain effect), and it's sole aim is to start a conversation. For some reason, some guys think that if they deliver a good opener, they will instantly get laid (!)... This is totally messing the point...

There are 2 types of openers: direct and indirect ones.

Direct openers state your intentions clearly: "Hi, I love your dress and your sense of style... you seemed like an interesting person to talk to.."
Indirect openers hid your intentions behind a pretence: "Excuse me, do you know where I can find X?"

You will also often hear the term 'opinion opener', where the pickup artist asks his target a question ("Who do you think lie more... men or women?"), but this is just another form of indirect opener.

For some more and better examples, you can check out this page on conversation openers .

Step 5: Transitions From the Opener and Demonstrating Value

Having opened the conversation, a lot of guys do not know what to say next, and they fall straight into a boring interview pattern:
- Soooo... where are you from?
- What's your name?
... etc.

We have talked about this interview pattern already, and how it is not a very good way to conduct a conversation.
Much better, would be to ask a question, and then to make a statement about what the girl has said:
- Who do you think lie more... Men or women?
- Men of course
- I think you are totally wrong here... For instance, my little sister...

You get the point... repeating the question-statement-question-statement format shows that you are listening ; it allows your target to find out about you ; and it makes for a far more entertaining conversation.

Demonstrating value
Pickup artists talk of a concept known as DHVs - Demonstration of Higher Value.
The idea, is that their are certain characteristics in a man, that a girl has biologically and genetically evolved to respond to (simply in order to ensure the survival of ou species). The main three values a PUA (pickup artist) should aim to demonstrate are:
- his ability to lead other men
- his attractiveness to other women
- his willingness to protect his loved ones

By systematically demonstrating these 3 values in an interaction, you can make yourself much more attractive in the eyes of the girl you are talking to.
In second life, DHVs can take the form of a story you tell the girl (with subtlety): for instance, how you had a difficult morning as you were taking care of your niece who was sick.
DHVs can also be expressed through your actions, which is much more effective. For instance, by having the people around you treat you like a good friend and an entertaining person (not hard if you've been to the place before) ; by tipping the hosts of parties and DJs... by dressing up well...

You can read more about transitions and DHVs HERE

Step 6: Baiting the Girl to Qualify Herself and Establishing a Connection

If you have done all the other steps correctly, then the girl might now be feeling some attraction towards you.
You will want to confirm and strengthen this attraction by having her qualify herself to you...

In its very basic from, this means asking her questions which imply that you are screening her...
You put her on the spot to see if she would make a good match for you:
"You look very cute, but beauty is so common these days... what are your other qualities?"

Once the girl starts qualifying herself to you, without you having to bait her into doing so, you can take that as a strong indicator of interest on her part.

Establishing a connection
Establishing a connection is probably the easiest part ofthe attraction process, as it usually means getting to know each other in a manner that is increasingly intimate. This should be a gradual escalation process, through a discussion which slowly becomes more and more fun and sexy.
Beware though: you should not try to establish a connection before having gone through the previous phases of the attraction process, or you risk rejection!

Read  more about Getting the girl to qualify herself and establishing rapport here.

Step 7: Where Do You Go From Here?

As stated in the first part of this instructable, I wish to remain here on the more 'acceptable' size of pickup...
The ultimate aim of pickup is of course 'to get laid', though online this can take many aspects. This links for instance offers a definition of what an online pickup consists in: What is an online pickup?

However, it should be noted that the pleasure of pickup resides as much in the chase (in the process of seduction) than in it's end goal.

Unltimately, you can use the methods of a pickup artist with no other motives than flirting a little bit.

Some girls, for some reason, feel threatened by the art of pickup, like it was some voodoo magic or a love spell... Other girls refuse firmly to believe it would work on them.

In the end though, all that the pickup arts teach a guy is to:
- become a better conversationalist
- become more assured and confident
- pursue some values that others find attractive and valuable



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    2 Discussions


    7 years ago on Introduction

    Sound more like you are trying to 'pick-up' players, for your online game. Sort of like spam...

    Personally, I couldn't imagine resorting to picking up women online. It's too anonymous, you really don't know what you picked up, until you actually meet. Then you, are pretty much in the same awkward situation, you were avoiding, by searching online anyway.

    You can never be sure of anything said online, even photos can be borrowed. The person you are working on, could be any age or gender. You could waste a lot of time, and never get the date, just a lot of excuses. They may not reveal certain important medical condition, that might be shared, and change your life.

    I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, or couldn't happen, there are also a lot of risks involved with meeting people online.

    The best way to pick up women, is to look directly into their eyes when you are talking to them, not at their chest, or elsewhere. Pay attention, and maintain eye contact when she is talking to you as well. Don't just stare without blinking, that's just creepy. Don't keep shopping around, until you've finished with the one your with, you'll know if she's interested, or trying to be polite. Always be courteous and polite, you'll strike out plenty, but some of the other women might be watching you work, and might like your style.

    1 reply

    Hi Harvey,

    There's a lot of truth to what you say about meeting women in person, after talking to them in an online game, but that's because your definition of 'picking up' is a bit limited...
    Seond Life is quite an adult game, and your pickups can easily stay within the game if you wish them to remain so, with text, voice and cam sex all being options...
    I tried to stay within the boundaries of flirting in this instructables though...