Intro: How to Potentially Harm Yourself and Others With an Egg
Let me start off by saying that there is absolutely no reason that this object I'm about to show you should exist on this planet. It was created solely for my own sick pleasure, and of course to win this contest.
Right then, off we go. Gather round to begin this magical journey...
Step 1: Materials
We start with an egg. Go get one out of your fridge. Next grab a thumbtack. Poke one hole in each end of the egg. Now blow in one hole. Yup that's right. Just do it. Hard. Now watch the egg goo come out the other end. Don't blow too hard, or else you'll crack the egg. Just go with it, it usually takes a while.
Eventually you'll get an empty egg. Now we may begin. Get some thumbtacks. Lots of them. Go to Staples or something.
Now heat up your hot glue gun. Get some glue. Lots of sticks. Lots. Seriously.
Good, now comes the tedious part.
Step 2: Begin the Transformation
Glue one tack pointy-end out on the end of the egg, right over the blow-hole. (you thought of a whale too, right?) Now surround that thumbtack in approximately six others. Like some sort of messed up flower.
Give it bigger petals, and keep expanding the rings of tacks.
You'll probably hurt yourself. It's ok, just tell yourself that you're a man and you can take it. If you're a woman, this probably isn't for you. Go submit a sewing Instructible in the Craft skills contest. Just kidding. But seriously.
Eventually you'll cover the egg. You have now created something that serves no real purpose. It's freaking cool though. Just don't throw it at your buddies. They'll hurt you, even if their left eyebrow is gushing blood. Try pretending you're the Spartans in the final fight with Xerxes. Where is your god now? Ten-thousand internets if somebody actually makes a Xerxes egg.
Keep it away from pets. Also small children. Don't leave it where people can step on it, or where villains can use it for world domination.
Good luck, and try not to kill yourselves.